To be SO annoyed at someone for calling me shy!

[Wednesdayafternoon]

It absolutely drives me crazy. I was recently at a birthday party for my reception child. One of the mums pointed out that I'm shy in the playground and it's just really annoyed me. Yeah I am quite shy but I'm okay with that and I don't mind I'm quite happy being who I am. But actually I make a conscious effort to not speak to this mum because She's an absolute gobs* so no it's not me being shy!!!!
Why do people think it is so appropriate to point out that somebody is shy. It really annoys me. If somebody is shy the last thing that they probably need to somebody pointing it out. I just think it's so annoying and I wish I had a really good comeback for it.
It's almost like they are pointing out that being shy of something that is negative or something to be embarrassed about when it isn't. It's just a type of personality and there is nothing wrong with it!!!

Rant over 🙈

[quote Wednesdayafternoon]**@Wisper1* @2pinkginsplease*

The reason why I'm shy is being I don't have a lot of self confidence. Someone who doesn't have a lot of self confidence doesn't needs someone who doesn't know me putting me on the spot pointing it out. So I don't need to "grow up" as one of you out it... maybe you should with responses like that![/quote]
I agree.

I also hate it when people are blushing and someone points out “oooh you’re going all red now”. Like it isn’t uncomfortable enough being embarrassed, with everyone knowing you are going red, only to have someone point it out to make you even more embarrassed.

It’s cruel.

[quote Wednesdayafternoon]@NuffSaidSam I am fine with going to school and making an effort to chat to others. I know I could be more confident but that's fine it's a work in progress. I don't need someone who doesn't know me to point this out.
People who are shy get comments like this all the time, at least I do. I make so much effort to push myself out of my comfort zones yet people still feel the need to point out my shyness. It's just unnecessary.

It would literally never occur to me to go up to somebody and say "oh wow you're really loud" or "you're so outspoken" or "do you ever stop speaking" so why is it so socially normal for people to point out when someone is quiet.[/quote]
What op said here 👆👆👆👆

I agree OP why does.anyone feel the need to comment anyway. It's an odd thing to say.

Has this happened often
Or is it just from someone that you seem o despise in any event?!

Thank you SO much everyone, I really appreciate the replies and your kindness! I just needed to rant. I'm 31 but spent my whole life people calling me "shy" and making me feel bad about myself. I really make an effort and I think I'm quite social and hold a good conversation with the school mums etc so I'm happy with how I am, I just hate it how some people feel the needed to point out my insecurities and yes they might not know that but they should be more socially aware!!

She said you were shy to your face. You've gone on the internet to call her "an absolute gobs*" to lots of strangers.

Not sure you can really complain.

@MargaretThursday difference is that I know nobody here and I'm speaking anonymously. I'd never say that to her face and I'm ranting so it's just not the same thing!

@MargaretThursday

She said you were shy to your face. You've gone on the internet to call her "an absolute gobs*" to lots of strangers.

Not sure you can really complain.

I do not think these are comparable.

OP, thinking rationally, where was the intent in her statement?

Was it "I'm going to show up Mrs OP for being shy and underconfident in front of everyone, coz I could do with a laugh."?

If it was, YANBU.

If it was all down to her having no filter and just spurting out anything that comes into her mind, then forgive her.

It's ALL to do with a person's intention.

@Wednesdayafternoon

YANBU!!
I hate it when people call shy people shy or ask to speak up - it has the opposite effect! So irritating, and instantly makes me not want to talk to them again.

Thankfully, I haven't heard I'm shy for a few years.

It's worst when you think your being friendly and outgoing and someone calls you shy. It really knocks a persons social confidence when they're trying to make an effort.

‘I can be quite talkative around interesting people’ would be my response.

Children are shy, adults are quiet. She is rude.

Some people have no manners. If it happens again, smile, tilt your head and tell them 'that's a very interesting observation' and walk away. She sounds obnoxious and you don't need to be engaging with people like that. As an only child, target for bullies ie shoet,vfunny yellow blonde hair and an RP accent I was described as shy and happily went along with it. Happy with a couple of close friends, books etc. Then in my late teens I read an article proposing that 'shy' people can be perceived as being self obsessed because they were constantly worrying what other people thought of them. It struck a chord with me and from then on I made an effort to smile and ask questions etc. It became a habit and my life easier. Taught my kids to do the same. You sound great. You'll find find friends soon enough, decent, kind quiet reflective people not the sort who need to pull other people down to make themselves look important.

It might not be necessary to point out someone is shy but neither is it an insult. You are also mistaken if you think that people with other personality types don't get it regularly pointed out too. So yeah, I think YABU to be SO annoyed, that seems an over-reaction.

* Grow up. She says you're shy, you admit you're shy. Is the problem that someone has spoken the truth? Some people seem go out of their way to look for something to complain about.*

^This

She Is rude and A KNOB to boot. Don't give her or any of the knobs here telling you otherwise a moments thought.

Had this my entire life and people don't realise how soul destroying it can be to be told this all the time,....

I havent had it for ages but when I think I'm making an effort then someone says I'm quiet it floors me, feel like one day I'll say 'you're pretty loud arent you '

Also have to add i blushed a lot when younger and had comments such as ' ooohh she's colouring up' how to make you feel like you want the floor to open up....

People feel shy in different situations. I’m sure there are situations she feels shy or underconfident in. You say yourself you’re shy in the playground, she only mentioned what you already know! It’s better than her thinking you’re moody or snooty, which shyness can be mistaken for.

Just because you make the effort to talk to her doesn’t mean you don’t show signs of feeling shy eg less eye contact, hesitations, looking flustered. Maybe she was trying to be sympathetic.

Making such a big deal out of it comes across as self absorbed and over sensitive.

@Toanewstart22

I love this…. You thinks she’s an “absolute gob shite” And she thinks you’re “shy”

You clearly don’t get on. At all. So chill out and accept it as yet another reason you don’t like her

I agree. And to be honest I would rather someone call me shy to my face than be silently calling me a gobshite in their head. I know whose company I would prefer….

@Roaringlogfire

Yanbu at all. Some people just love to put others down. It's the same as it being ok to call someone thin but never ok to say fat. How would they have reacted if you had said to them that they were so loud / in your face. Just not necessary to draw attention to someone's shyness. I'm not shy but I would never draw attention to something that someone might feel awkward about. Ignore the people who say grow up. They are clearly the play ground bullies who you identify as Gobshites.

I’m pretty confident and if you said to me ‘you are so loud!’ I would laugh and say ‘oh god I know I can be, tell me to shut up’. So I think the problem is a clash between people who think any comment on their personality has to be wounding and those who take it on the chin.

I very much doubt that if OP HAD said this to the woman, she would be going home and crying into her wine over it.

It’s implying there is something wrong with being shy!

It’s not a positive character trait though. Sorry if that offends people but it just isn’t. It’s not the same as being quiet and reserved. That’s a personality trait. Shyness is symptom of low self esteem, that’s not something to be celebrated.

@2pinkginsplease

She says you’re shy, you admit you are shy so I don’t see why you are so annoyed!

I don’t see being shy as a negative trait.

Nothing wrong with being shy, if more people were 'shy', or, more correctly, discreet, and didn't find it necessary to parade their sorry lives all over socialmeeja the world might be a happier place. For future reference if the gob-on-legs makes more comments respond along the lines 'No, I am just very particular to whom I speak'