to think mn are very intolerant/disrespectful on conservative values?

makkapacca · 2022-01-30T09:09:56+00:00

Several threads have appeared on last several months over the sharing of bedrooms for posters adult children and partners. When a poster or her husband acknowledges they don't feel comfortable over this and want separate beds until marriage and mn gets up in arms over it blasting the latter as 'ridiculous' 'absurd' etc. The poster or her husband will get bullied almost and be seen as an anti Christ. AIBU to think if people want to be conservative or have values different to our own that are not seriously harming anybody then that is fine and something posters should respect especially when it is the rules they set in their own house. BTW I am not conservative or prudish by any means but aibu to think shaming and heckling people over being conservative and different to ourselves is bully like?

Didiusfalco · 30/01/2022 09:11

Mumsnet isn’t a hive mind. Lots of users, lots of different opinions.

Original poster

makkapacca · 30/01/2022 09:15

Mumsnet isn’t a hive mind. Lots of users, lots of different opinions

and yet threads like this will have an overwhelming hive mind and it's a race ton shame and hang the conservative party. I can imagine the reaction if a poster came on to say her boyfriend was angry she wouldn't sleep with him until after marriage. He'd be the one hung and rightly so.

OP posts:

Stookeen · 30/01/2022 09:15

Why do you feel not allowing your adult children to share a bed with a partner in your house is a position worthy of ‘respect’, any more than ‘Skinny jeans are over’ or ‘Ghosts are real’ or ‘The name Ptolemy is pretentious’?

LumosSolem · 30/01/2022 09:16

Actual bullying or just disagreeing with values that are very out of step with the norm in 2022? Can you give an example of bullying or treating someone as the Antichrist please?

IncompleteSenten · 30/01/2022 09:18

Report any posts you feel break talk guidelines and if MN agrees they do, they will be removed.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/01/2022 09:20

I think telling your adult children what they can and can't do is ridiculous no matter what your values.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 30/01/2022 09:22

YABU for using the word antichrist about people on MN.
YANBU about the general conservative value bashing.
Nevertheless the example you cite is very much more of a religious one rather than conservative I would say and one is not the other.

I'm a liberal I would say and my feeling is that you respect the views of people in their own home and it's no hardship to not sleep with your partner for a few nights.
I wouldn't call them names for it etc. I think the anti-conservative things you talk about are just obnoxious people who think people who don't agree with them are assholes.

BenjiMcSchmenzie · 30/01/2022 09:22

@Stookeen

Why do you feel not allowing your adult children to share a bed with a partner in your house is a position worthy of ‘respect’, any more than ‘Skinny jeans are over’ or ‘Ghosts are real’ or ‘The name Ptolemy is pretentious’?

Ha I actually met a Ptolemy once. He was 2. I thought his name was Tony until his mum sternly corrected me 🤣

Original poster

makkapacca · 30/01/2022 09:24

Can you give an example of bullying or treating someone as the Antichrist please

What does making them sleep in separate rooms actually achieve other than making them feel like they’re about 15? They’re an adult couple. Ridiculous.

I do think it’s ridiculous to make two consenting adults sleep in separate rooms when you know they are sharing a bed the rest of the time.

3.I think it would be ridiculous to make them sleep in different rooms.

4.This is one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on here. It was also ridiculous to make your dd's bf sleep in a separate room when she was 21. YABVU

5.They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

OP posts:

LumosSolem · 30/01/2022 09:24

@Waxonwaxoff0

I think telling your adult children what they can and can't do is ridiculous no matter what your values.

Agreed, and actually shows very little respect for their adult children. I personally feel it's because some people can no longer let go and still want to have control.

My parents have never pulled the 'my house, my rules' card, not when my sibling and I were adults. I treat them with respect, and it is returned.

DeliaDinglehopper · 30/01/2022 09:25

Can you really not tell the difference between people thinking that telling your adult children what to do with their sex lives is ridiculous, and an adult partner of your adult child manipulating your adult child to have sex?

DropYourSword · 30/01/2022 09:26

Probably because "conservative values" are themselves often intolerant and disrespectful

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/01/2022 09:26

@LumosSolem absolutely. I think the whole "my house my rules" argument is just pathetic in some cases. Having "conservative values" is one of them.

LumosSolem · 30/01/2022 09:26

@makkapacca

Can you give an example of bullying or treating someone as the Antichrist please

What does making them sleep in separate rooms actually achieve other than making them feel like they’re about 15? They’re an adult couple. Ridiculous.

I do think it’s ridiculous to make two consenting adults sleep in separate rooms when you know they are sharing a bed the rest of the time.

3.I think it would be ridiculous to make them sleep in different rooms.

4.This is one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on here. It was also ridiculous to make your dd's bf sleep in a separate room when she was 21. YABVU

5.They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

Those are not examples of bullying whatsoever

They are in disagreement with the OP- they are opinions clearly at odds with the OP- you cannot call disagreement, even if plainly spoken, 'bullying'.

CandyLeBonBon · 30/01/2022 09:27

@makkapacca
None of those examples are bullying. They are people expressing an opinion. They are not offensive nor are they attacking the op.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/01/2022 09:27

@makkapacca

Can you give an example of bullying or treating someone as the Antichrist please

What does making them sleep in separate rooms actually achieve other than making them feel like they’re about 15? They’re an adult couple. Ridiculous.

I do think it’s ridiculous to make two consenting adults sleep in separate rooms when you know they are sharing a bed the rest of the time.

3.I think it would be ridiculous to make them sleep in different rooms.

4.This is one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on here. It was also ridiculous to make your dd's bf sleep in a separate room when she was 21. YABVU

5.They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

None of that is bullying.

Poetnojo · 30/01/2022 09:27

100% agree with you op. No room for conservative opinions despite the fact that most people here claim to be so accepting and inclusive, except of course of anyone who doesn't agree with the majority narrative.

PrincessNikla · 30/01/2022 09:28

@makkapacca

Mumsnet isn’t a hive mind. Lots of users, lots of different opinions

and yet threads like this will have an overwhelming hive mind and it's a race ton shame and hang the conservative party. I can imagine the reaction if a poster came on to say her boyfriend was angry she wouldn't sleep with him until after marriage. He'd be the one hung and rightly so.

So you are saying that

An adult not in the relationship wants to stop 2 people sleeping together is the same as 1 person not wanting to sleep with another person?

LumosSolem · 30/01/2022 09:28

And actually those examples you have given actually get to the crux of why the vast majority of people think that insisting on separate beds for grown adults is completely bizarre in 2022.

Sciurus83 · 30/01/2022 09:29

None of that is bullying.

Madamswearsalot · 30/01/2022 09:29

Half missing the point here but threads often feel like a 'hive mind' is happening because people pile on when their view has already been espoused by another person - they feel safe to say similar. Most people with an opposite view will not post on those occasions because they're in the minority. I know there are some who'll stick their neck out but not many.

I've seen various threads where the tone of the first couple of responses sets out how it's going to go for the rest of the thread. For example, if an early responder is picky about a specific detail in the op you'll see a load more responses saying the same.

I think there is lots of very valuable advice to be had on here but there's also a lot of people who don't employ critical thinking and just enjoy the experience of everyone agreeing with them.

DirectionToPerfection · 30/01/2022 09:29

@makkapacca

Mumsnet isn’t a hive mind. Lots of users, lots of different opinions

and yet threads like this will have an overwhelming hive mind and it's a race ton shame and hang the conservative party. I can imagine the reaction if a poster came on to say her boyfriend was angry she wouldn't sleep with him until after marriage. He'd be the one hung and rightly so.

The fairly even vote so far would suggest otherwise, but I'm curious why you posted at all if you're so certain that the 'hive' will be out to get you.

As for the topic itself, you're entitled to your view but most people will find it outdated and nonsensical. Those kinds of attitudes are a relic of the past IMO.

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 30/01/2022 09:30

What are you hoping to achieve with this post OP?

Original poster

makkapacca · 30/01/2022 09:30

*Those are not examples of bullying whatsoever confused

They are in disagreement with the OP- they are opinions clearly at odds with the OP- you cannot call disagreement, even if plainly spoken, 'bullying'*

ok so if posters were using the same words to go against a woman saying she believed in no sex before marriage would you say it wasn't bullying or harsh?

OP posts:

Stookeen · 30/01/2022 09:30

@makkapacca

Can you give an example of bullying or treating someone as the Antichrist please

What does making them sleep in separate rooms actually achieve other than making them feel like they’re about 15? They’re an adult couple. Ridiculous.

I do think it’s ridiculous to make two consenting adults sleep in separate rooms when you know they are sharing a bed the rest of the time.

3.I think it would be ridiculous to make them sleep in different rooms.

4.This is one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on here. It was also ridiculous to make your dd's bf sleep in a separate room when she was 21. YABVU

5.They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

This is called ‘disagreeing’ and ‘finding your position ridiculous’.

Don’t you get disagreed with in your life in general? Do you live in some kind of ‘conservative values’ echo chamber?