to think mn are very intolerant/disrespectful on conservative values?

[makkapacca]

Several threads have appeared on last several months over the sharing of bedrooms for posters adult children and partners. When a poster or her husband acknowledges they don't feel comfortable over this and want separate beds until marriage and mn gets up in arms over it blasting the latter as 'ridiculous' 'absurd' etc.

The poster or her husband will get bullied almost and be seen as an anti Christ. AIBU to think if people want to be conservative or have values different to our own that are not seriously harming anybody then that is fine and something posters should respect especially when it is the rules they set in their own house.

BTW I am not conservative or prudish by any means but aibu to think shaming and heckling people over being conservative and different to ourselves is bully like?

@WaterBottle123

I didn't think conservatives HAD values other than increasing child poverty and giving PPE contracts to their mates...

Conservatives- not conservatives!

A person saying they don't want to have sex with another person is in no way equivalent to a person insisting that two other people don't share a bed. If this is what you consider 'Conservative values' then I'm not surprised you feel in the minority, as I think it's more to do with exerting control than preserving values.

There are many different views on here, it’s one of the reasons MN is such a valuable resource. I agree with PP that there are pile-one because people feel safe to echo others’ views, but that’s life/human nature.

It's not necessarily a pile-on for the sake of it though- I think it genuinely does show, on a subject like this especially, how out of sync with modern 'values' this is. So many people will read it and disagree- it's not the norm at all in 2022- and therefore a large number of posts disagreeing with the OP will appear.

You seem to have a bit of a victim complex here OP.

@makkapacca

An adult not in the relationship wants to stop 2 people sleeping together is the same as 1 person not wanting to sleep with another person

I am saying people are entitled to have their values that are not harming anybody and have them carried out in their own house if that's what they want. Every mn user will have policies/rules/principles they use to govern their lives/houses and that is their prerogative, they shouldn't be called 'mad' or 'ridiculous' for it.

But I do think that those “values” are harmful. They are patriarchal and anti-sex. They harm women in particular.

A robust debate where someone states ridiculous views are ridiculous is not bullying.

I didn't think conservatives HAD values other than increasing child poverty and giving PPE contracts to their mates

Well we know Boris certainly isn't conservative when it comes to sex before marriage 😂

But I do think that those “values” are harmful. They are patriarchal and anti-sex. They harm women in particular

is there any view that doesn't harm women on mn?

@CandyLeBonBon

By 'conservative opinions' do you also mean 'prejudiced notions of hetero-normative purity'? Sadly, 'conservative values' often include racial prejudice, homophobia, sexism, ageism and other unpleasant beliefs that are actually very damaging.

Believe what you want but don't expect others to agree with you.

I'm more interested in why you think those values are important?

This x 100,000,000,000

This is the wrong forum for you if you don’t like people speaking their minds - it’s the whole point of this place.

Religious values aren’t anymore worthy of respect that food or fashion choices. They are choices and if people think your choices are daft they’ll tell you.

None of the examples you cited are bullying, just plain speaking. Citing a woman who has chosen not to have sex before marriage as a parallel eg doesn’t work - that’s her choice - imposing your values on adult kids is taking away their choices.

Of course most people today will think making an unmarried adult couple sleep in separate rooms is daft, because it’s out of step with society. Most people with this opinion will also clarify that it’s the OP house, so it is ultimately their right to decide, so people are pretty balanced.

All we need to know about conservative values is they elected Boris Johnson. A man less interested in self restraint and fidelity you'd be hard pushed to find.

So sex before, outside and indeed anywhere else you feel like it ? Upstairs, downstairs, in miladys chamber ? You're only following our conservative leaders conservative values. Which the OP clearly doesn't agree with.

@makkapacca

But I do think that those “values” are harmful. They are patriarchal and anti-sex. They harm women in particular

is there any view that doesn't harm women on mn?

Thank god for mumsnet, is all I can say to that.

A site that centres and prioritises women, and points out the things that are harmful to us as a sex.

you can give your opinion and leave the thread

Conservative values applied to yourself = fine, fill your boots. Same values forced on other people = not so good. If adult people are living together and having sex then it is a bit silly not to accept that fact, and asking them to perform virginity at your house for your own comfort is inhospitable. I'd likewise accommodate a partner who wanted to sleep separately from my ds even though it would be incredibly logistically difficult.

I post on MN for a lot of reasons but one of the things I do get is an idea of just how outside the mainstream I am on certain things. Imo that's quite useful. Doesn't require me to change.

@makkapacca

*Those are not examples of bullying whatsoever confused

They are in disagreement with the OP- they are opinions clearly at odds with the OP- you cannot call disagreement, even if plainly spoken, 'bullying'*

ok so if posters were using the same words to go against a woman saying she believed in no sex before marriage would you say it wasn't bullying or harsh?

Two completely different things.

One scenario is two consenting adults.
The other scenario is one adult who doesn't consent and the other adult is attempting to coerce them.
How on earth can you compare the two to each other.

I'm not going to disagree with you OP in case you report me for 'bullying.

I think it would be ridiculous to make them sleep in different rooms.

If you think this quote is an example (the best you could find!) of a post that is extremely upsetting, bullying and painting you as the Antichrist.... Maybe the internet isn't for you?

@makkapacca

But I do think that those “values” are harmful. They are patriarchal and anti-sex. They harm women in particular

is there any view that doesn't harm women on mn?

That comment is horribly dismissive of all the women who have fought, and are still fighting, for women to have the free, safe, equal lives that men have enjoyed since the beginning of time. Every single day, sexism, misogyny and a patriarchal society leads to deaths, harm and disadvantage for women everywhere.

Your ‘conservative’ view, if it supports those oppressions of women, is far more offensive than any one taking issue with the posts you’ve set out here.

*That comment is horribly dismissive of all the women who have fought, and are still fighting, for women to have the free, safe, equal lives that men have enjoyed since the beginning of time. Every single day, sexism, misogyny and a patriarchal society leads to deaths, harm and disadvantage for women everywhere.

Your ‘conservative’ view, if it supports those oppressions of women, is far more offensive than any one taking issue with the posts you’ve set out here.*

@MsAgnesDiPesto you've said what I wanted to, only so much more articulately 😁

*Every single day, sexism, misogyny and a patriarchal society leads to deaths, harm and disadvantage for women everywhere.

Your ‘conservative’ view, if it supports those oppressions of women, is far more offensive than any one taking issue with the posts you’ve set out here*

except the thread i referred to was over 2 gay men.

@makkapacca

Can you give an example of bullying or treating someone as the Antichrist please

1. What does making them sleep in separate rooms actually achieve other than making them feel like they’re about 15? They’re an adult couple. Ridiculous.

1. I do think it’s ridiculous to make two consenting adults sleep in separate rooms when you know they are sharing a bed the rest of the time.

3.I think it would be ridiculous to make them sleep in different rooms.

4.This is one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on here. It was also ridiculous to make your dd's bf sleep in a separate room when she was 21. YABVU

5.They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

1. They are 23 and 26! Sorry its complete madness! They have obviously share a bed regularly because they are couple, and some pretence of 'waiting till marriage' when they arent is bizarre

That's not bullying, that's stating a firmly held opinion. If that bothers you, maybe MN is not the place for you. You need to grow a thicker skin.

I think that a lot of people, including me, don't think the 'no sex before marriage' view is 'harmless', I beleeve it does quite a lot of harm in reinforcing shame around sex, especially for women, which is damaging to sexual health and safety, especially women's.

There is absolutely nothing bullying about the examples you provided OP. When people post asking for opinions, it is inevitable that some people won’t agree with the OP’s stance. Disagreement isn’t bullying.
You are entitled to have whatever values you want for yourself. Imposing your values on others is a different matter, in my opinion.

@makkapacca your response to @MsAgnesDiPesto appears disingenuous, as it's clear she responded to your comment 'is there any view that doesn't harm women on mumsnet?'

One person's conservative or "traditional" views are very often another person's discrimination/bigotry, just look at any "what are your unpopular opinions" thread (quickly before they're deleted as they're always a cesspit) and you'll see posts containing racism, sexism, homophobia, and ableism all posted under the defence of "it's my opinion" and/or "I have traditional views".

@makkapacca

*Every single day, sexism, misogyny and a patriarchal society leads to deaths, harm and disadvantage for women everywhere.

Your ‘conservative’ view, if it supports those oppressions of women, is far more offensive than any one taking issue with the posts you’ve set out here*

except the thread i referred to was over 2 gay men.

You said “is there any view that doesn't harm women on mn?”

My response was to that. Not to anything about a thread. Try reading your own posts.