to think mn are very intolerant/disrespectful on conservative values?

[makkapacca]

Several threads have appeared on last several months over the sharing of bedrooms for posters adult children and partners. When a poster or her husband acknowledges they don't feel comfortable over this and want separate beds until marriage and mn gets up in arms over it blasting the latter as 'ridiculous' 'absurd' etc.

The poster or her husband will get bullied almost and be seen as an anti Christ. AIBU to think if people want to be conservative or have values different to our own that are not seriously harming anybody then that is fine and something posters should respect especially when it is the rules they set in their own house.

BTW I am not conservative or prudish by any means but aibu to think shaming and heckling people over being conservative and different to ourselves is bully like?

@makkapacca

*Every single day, sexism, misogyny and a patriarchal society leads to deaths, harm and disadvantage for women everywhere.

Your ‘conservative’ view, if it supports those oppressions of women, is far more offensive than any one taking issue with the posts you’ve set out here*

except the thread i referred to was over 2 gay men.

So what point are you making?

If you perceive other people's robust criticism of your views as being treated like the Antichrist, I rather suspect that MN may be a bit rich for your blood.

There are possibly other forums where you will find things a little more gentle.

except the thread i referred to was over 2 gay men.

So? My gay adult DC can share a room in my house with their gay adult partner just the same as my other adult DC could share a room with their adult partner. Why does being gay make any difference?

My DC are not adults yet but one of them is gay and I wouldn't apply different moral judgements to him because of it.

The posts you quote are far less unpleasant than many posts I’ve seen on MN!

FWIW I think parents are entitled to ask their adult children not to share a bed with partners when visiting (and I know someone who wouldn’t allow their married child to share a room with their spouse) but those adult children are then entitled to choose not to spend time at that house. It’s a situation which won’t do wonders for family relationships and one for the parents to decide whether their values are worth the consequences.

I’ve just noticed that @makkapacca is also the OP of the ‘was Princess Diana murdered?’ thread, and appears to have significant difficulties in distinguishing between vaguely credible or widely-held views and ‘things people have “liked” on the Internet.

@makkapacca

Mumsnet isn’t a hive mind. Lots of users, lots of different opinions

and yet threads like this will have an overwhelming hive mind and it's a race ton shame and hang the conservative party. I can imagine the reaction if a poster came on to say her boyfriend was angry she wouldn't sleep with him until after marriage. He'd be the one hung and rightly so.

This sounds like you think a parent's view on whether their child should be having sex or not should be equally as important as a woman deciding whether or not she wants to have sex.

I hope that is jot the case OP

*So? My gay adult DC can share a room in my house with their gay adult partner just the same as my other adult DC could share a room with their adult partner. Why does being gay make any difference?

My DC are not adults yet but one of them is gay and I wouldn't apply different moral judgements to him because of it*

I was saying it because the stance was seen as an attack on women whereas the thread I was referring to had nothing to do with women.

Which threads are you talking about? Can you link to them please because I haven't seen any.

Iv never seen this on here ever 🤷🏻‍♀️ about the bed situation I mean .

People talk shit half the time online anyway , you’d do right to take plenty of it with a pinch of salt OP

If you look at countries where conservative values hold sway, what you see is the oppression of women, children and people who are gay. People who have conservative values also tend to be authoritarian and want to impose those values on the society they live in. This is a bad thing and should be opposed at every turn.

@makkapacca

*Those are not examples of bullying whatsoever confused

They are in disagreement with the OP- they are opinions clearly at odds with the OP- you cannot call disagreement, even if plainly spoken, 'bullying'*

ok so if posters were using the same words to go against a woman saying she believed in no sex before marriage would you say it wasn't bullying or harsh?

if I have understood you correctly, for me the difference is that one is two people in a partnership and one telling the other that they won't do sex before marriage and the other is two people visiting a third person't home and that third person saying that only married people can sleep in the same bed under their roof...which ok their gaff their rules but is slightly batshit

@makkapacca

*Those are not examples of bullying whatsoever confused

They are in disagreement with the OP- they are opinions clearly at odds with the OP- you cannot call disagreement, even if plainly spoken, 'bullying'*

ok so if posters were using the same words to go against a woman saying she believed in no sex before marriage would you say it wasn't bullying or harsh?

So what you're suggesting is that when a poster asks for opinions, we should only respond if we agree with that poster because disagreeing is 'bullying'?  I don't think you understand how discussion boards work @makkapacca I'd suggest that if posters cannot cope with an alternative viewpoint then they shouldn't post.

@makkapacca

*So? My gay adult DC can share a room in my house with their gay adult partner just the same as my other adult DC could share a room with their adult partner. Why does being gay make any difference?

My DC are not adults yet but one of them is gay and I wouldn't apply different moral judgements to him because of it*

I was saying it because the stance was seen as an attack on women whereas the thread I was referring to had nothing to do with women.

No, YOU raised the fact that you think Mumsnet sees all views as attacks on women. Not any of us. YOU. And that was so offensive that I was moved to respond.

If you feel there is a valid argument to support the view that adult children who share a bed in their own home shouldn’t be allowed to do so at a relative’s home, then crack on with your discussion. You might persuade others to adopt your own view with your arguments if they are sound, in the same way that someone with the opposing view might persuade you of theirs. But don’t come and try to paint all the people on Mumsnet as somehow hating everything because they think women are oppressed. Supporting the oppression of women anywhere and everywhere is a view which really is indefensible.

I was saying it because the stance was seen as an attack on women whereas the thread I was referring to had nothing to do with women.

Your initial descriptions and responses implied it was a man and woman. "But they were gay men" is not the 'gotcha' moment you seem to think it is.

@makkapacca

*So? My gay adult DC can share a room in my house with their gay adult partner just the same as my other adult DC could share a room with their adult partner. Why does being gay make any difference?

My DC are not adults yet but one of them is gay and I wouldn't apply different moral judgements to him because of it*

I was saying it because the stance was seen as an attack on women whereas the thread I was referring to had nothing to do with women.

Well I think you'll find that TAAT are against talk guidelines and you're breaking the rules

@makkapacca

An adult not in the relationship wants to stop 2 people sleeping together is the same as 1 person not wanting to sleep with another person

I am saying people are entitled to have their values that are not harming anybody and have them carried out in their own house if that's what they want. Every mn user will have policies/rules/principles they use to govern their lives/houses and that is their prerogative, they shouldn't be called 'mad' or 'ridiculous' for it.

Yes, they're entitled to have rules in their own home, what they're NOT entitled to, is to expect everyone to agree with them.

If people ask for opinions on their batshit rules, people are entitled to tell them they're being ridiculous.

None of the examples that you gave back up y your point at all.

People come onto MN and ask for opinions about their stance on a particular issue. If other posters answer honestly to say that they find that stance ridiculous, how is that bullying? What's the point of asking strangers for their opinions in the first place if you just want them to agree with whatever you say?

I think it’s interesting that the general consensus is that conservative beliefs are wrong, outdated etc… unless your family follows specific religions and then it’s perfectly fine to tell your adult children what to do.

Whenever I've seen responses to similar posts, they have largely seemed to be trying to help the OP, not treat them as evil. E.g. "if you do that, it will damage your relationship and your kids won't want to visit you". Not "you are a terrible person".

Shouldn't you be at Church OP instead of wasting time on here? It is Sunday. As for conservative values, if you can find some that aren't simple bigotry and bias, bring them.

OP, I voted YABU because you descibed one thing and posted examples of another. You are drawing a false equivalency.

Consenting adults wanting to wait to have sex untill marriage is their business. I would not personally consider it wise, but it's a decision that two people get to make for themselves.

People trying to prevent two consenting adults from having sex because they are not married is meddling and completely unreasonable, even if these adults are the children of the meddlesome person. Children are not property, especially not once they reach adulthood.

So, yes YABU. One thing has nothing to do with the other and if "conservative values" consist of a bunch of logical fallacies then I won't be very tolerant of them.

The 'my house my rules' people are the bullies in this situation. They are the ones who want to enforce control, push their values onto others and shame them for perfectly acceptable behaviour.

So you are trying to shut down opinions you don't care for, OP? Perhaps you could find a nice mimsy little socially conservative talkboard instead. People here are entitled to say what a pile of wank other people's opinions or beliefs are.

Those posters obviously had questions over their stance otherwise they wouldn't have posted on a public forum! I would always caution those posting that they are out of step with the general consensus now and risk alienating their children, they are free to hold views but others can disapprove too.

Dp's mum doesn't approve, we know such views exist! his siblings think she's ridiculous (she's relented and let his brothers fiancé stay when they visited because she wanted to see the baby!) we stay at his sisters when we go, but it's a lot less frequent than it otherwise would be.

If you post in a forum asking people for their opinions then that’s what you’ll get. If you only want to hear from people who agree with your outdated religious values then you’re in the wrong place.