Aibu or is dh ?

[P4nicSt4tions]

We live in a seaside town and I commute into London 4-5 days a week. My commute - door to door - is approx 4-4.5hrs round trip due to me recently working the other side of London (not sure how long this is sustainable but that's besides the point I'm trying to make). My work day is long and I work hard for our family. DH works 3.5days during week days 30mins drive away.

I have two dc aged 15&9 (not dh's) who I share custody of with their dad. On days I'm in London I walk to station at 6:30am from our house. It is a 15-20min walk. DH will keep the car and kindly helps with school runs on days I have my dc. The studio I work in is open on a Saturday so i work on the Saturdays I don't have my children EOW and take a day off during the week to do school runs and collect my children at normal pick up times. So DH will help with school run two days max per week.

The Saturday I work (which is today - I'm on the train now) I ask DH for a lift. I get a later train at 8:07am so not super early and DH thinks this is unfair. I have said to him that I am happy to drive myself to station and take the key to London and drive it back tonight. He feels this means I am strong arming him into making him give me a lift when it is his day off and he could be sleeping. He said it is ridiculous I will keep him from using the car all day on an Saturday to avoid doing a 15-20min walk to station.

Aibu at feeling so upset at his lack of consideration towards me when I am working my arse off to support our family which includes doing a hellish commute ? When he has 3.5days off a week, works much shorter hours and I am the breadwinner.

Could you drive the car to the station and then he walks to pick it up later once he's had a lie in? Then he could pick you up when you're back from London in the evening. Assuming you have two keys for the car.

He would get the car for the day and you avoid a walk to the station first thing.

We only have one key for the car for some reason (that's what we were given when we bought it)

Could you drive the car, leave him having a lie in, then him walk to get the car later on? And come to collect you?

Your recent job move adding so much commuting time does sound hellish! But he also sounds like he helps out during the week. It's a bit 50/50! I wouldn't begrudge someone a lie in to save a 15 minute walk, but also I'd appreciate a lift occasionally!

I agree with him

The lift is once every other weekend at 8am. I don't ask for lifts at any other time.

If it’s not raining I wouldn’t expect a lift to save a 15-20 minute walk on a day partner didn’t have to get up. YABU there.

If you really can’t manage a short walk can you not look at getting a bus or a taxi?

Get another key cut,use a local company as they'll be cheaper. And talk about it when you're not sound up

Wound up 😬

Does DH's comfort really trump me shaving 30-40mins off my commute once a fortnight when he has 3.5days a week to lie in / nap etc ?

@P4nicSt4tions

The lift is once every other weekend at 8am. I don't ask for lifts at any other time.

I wouldn’t want my day off organised around DP’s commute.

YABU.

He's being unreasonable. I agree with your feelings op. I'd take my husband if this was my situation and he was working his arse off to support us. Sometimes being an adult means doing things we don't want to do but we do them anyway for the sake of the couple, family and children. How old is he anyway, 14? So he doesn't get a lie in on a Saturday? So what? Lie in on Sunday.

Get another key?

Your dh is being a selfish twat. 1 day a fortnight you ask him for a lift and he's annoyed because he doesn't want to get kit of bed!? Lazy! I would just take the car.

*I wouldn’t want my day off organised around DP’s commute.

YABU.*

It's not all day though is it its about 20 minutes of his morning!

YABU, he already helps out with lifts for your kids etc, you want an easier time on a weekend morning when there’s no kids and so does he! You can get a second key made for around £100 at key makers (timpsons?) so I’d do that if I were you.

It's 8am too, so not that early. You're not exactly asking him to drop you off at the crack of dawn.

I'm not asking him to organise his day off around me. He could always use public transport or even walk to places. Like I have to most days.

Oh to be clear, I don’t think taking the car would be unreasonable, I just think expecting a lift is.

@WorriedGiraffe

Oh to be clear, I don’t think taking the car would be unreasonable, I just think expecting a lift is.

Thanks. I've told him I will take the car. More than happy to. He is resistant to this and thinks IABU

You should walk to the station, or get another key cut so he can pick the car up later.

Get another key cut op then when you need to drive to the station he can come pick the car up when he needs it.

Sounds fair to me

If he thinks it is too early and the walk is a short one then why don’t you take the car. That way he doesn’t drive you. But he can walk down and get it later if he needs it. Then pick you up from the train.

No it's really not a big deal for him to help you out in such a small way when you are doing these crazy long days.

Bet this is a reverse.
If DH deals with the school run, how does he get to lie on in bed?
Nightmare of a commute, I would NOT be doing it.

To save the row just book a taxi. Surely it's only a few pound twice a month.