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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I totally crazy for being scared that my in-laws might have a key to my house??

300 replies

MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:18

Ok, I think a little too much. Worry a little too much. The fact is, DH and I moved into parent IL’s old home after they bought the nicer one next door. Then fighting ensued about boundaries. Whether or not they had to ask to be in our yard, whether or not it was our yard, whether or not they’d move their things to their yard or keep using ours, whether or not they could text and call when they please… list goes on. Anyways, one big thing that has unsettled me SO much was their insistence on owning a key to our house even though WE own it and don’t want them to. They argued for weeks. Gave us a key and said that was all. I told DH I just didn’t believe them. Then we got locked out. Turns out they had another! So we took that one and didn’t give it back. But I still didn’t believe that was it. They said that was all, but I just knew. Anyways, we kept that as a spare until I wrecked and lost my main key, so the spare became my main and we were left spareless. I got locked out again. So, I figured I’d ask. Hell, they had 2 more. They were mighty upset and desperate when they found out I just tore off the door knob in impatience while waiting on them and then replaced it with something new. Now I’m just so nervous. FIL spent a good while after he saw my new knob trying to convince me of the ‘best places’ to hide my spare. We opted out of getting a spare partially because of that. It was off putting when he told me I could hide it in his shed knowing how they’ve acted about keys to our house. But I’m so worried because that knob is just a basic Walmart one with the brand on display, how do I know they didn’t find it and buy it to have their own keys? And why do they want access so dam bad? I’m sorry it just makes me so scared and I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, they say it’s for an emergency but are unable to elaborate and don’t care that we don’t want them to have keys. AIBU?? Help! It sounds crazy, but clearly they weren’t being put to use while I’m at home, so I’ve sometimes been caught in the rabbit hole of wondering if they let theirselves in when we’re away. Tell me what you think please!!

OP posts:
Fluenty · 29/01/2022 05:22

YABU as a grown adult to get locked out so much

Change your locks. Problem resolved.

Fluenty · 29/01/2022 05:24

Get a security camera
Problem resolved also

Surely you knew before moving that there would be issues
Id never buy a house off a stranger if they were moving next door!! Never mind family.

Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:24

@Fluenty

YABU as a grown adult to get locked out so much

Change your locks. Problem resolved.

The two lock outs happened in the span of a year so I’d say not really. They wouldn’t give us our spares. I did change the locks. I haven’t got locked out since. I’m not sure you read my post
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:26

@Fluenty

Get a security camera Problem resolved also

Surely you knew before moving that there would be issues
Id never buy a house off a stranger if they were moving next door!! Never mind family.

Definitely working towards that. And I didn’t, I wish I had. I was young and trusting. Their ‘true colors’ came out right before we wed and moved in. I never knew they would be like this.
OP posts:
NatashaBedwouldbenice · 29/01/2022 05:28

so I’ve sometimes been caught in the rabbit hole of wondering if they let theirselves in when we’re away.

You’re not the only one wondering about rabbit holes on here tonight. What is going on?

changeyourname11111 · 29/01/2022 05:29

Get a better new handle - get spares but don’t discuss them with your in laws - why are they so involved with everything.

Give a spare to someone else you trust. Don’t tell your in laws.

Also - move somewhere else - they sound annoying - more than annoying.

LankylegsFromOz · 29/01/2022 05:30

It's weird but I've lived in this house for 6 years and never locked myself out, nor my previous home where I lived for 10 years. Is this a thing and I'm the odd one out?

AlDanvers · 29/01/2022 05:32

Your ripped a door handle off in a temper?

And you fell out with fil over where to keep the spare replacement?

If you changed the locks, they can't have a key unless your dh gave them it. In which case your issue is your dh.

You all sound insane tbh.

isthismylifenow · 29/01/2022 05:33

Is there a reason you thought living next door to your in laws was a good idea?

You do need to change all the locks discreetly and then set up a camera. In the short term.

Have you considered selling and moving a little further away?

Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:35

@changeyourname11111

Get a better new handle - get spares but don’t discuss them with your in laws - why are they so involved with everything.

Give a spare to someone else you trust. Don’t tell your in laws.

Also - move somewhere else - they sound annoying - more than annoying.

It goes back to the boundaries. They involve themselves. Anytime we’re home they call and text, anytime I’m outside they’re watching. Anytime something happens, they see, and don’t ask, just come over and impose their ‘help’ (essentially just what they want you to do). I will get a new handle I didn’t even think of that! I’m not sure I could give a spare to anyone else without offending my DH on the matter, and, honestly, I don’t feel safe enough to hide it somewhere outside with the way my IL act. They’d probably find it. Trust me, I’m working on moving. They’re almost unbearable. I enjoy college and working because I’m so busy and never home I don’t talk to them for weeks!! Thank you :)
OP posts:
readingismycardio · 29/01/2022 05:37

Is it their house OP, though? People are weird! Why did you move next door to them?

AlDanvers · 29/01/2022 05:37

You ate annoyed because they call and text without prior agreement?

MenopauseSucks · 29/01/2022 05:37

Change the locks & get a key safe in case you get locked out.

Once that's sorted, you can concentrate on dealing with all the other boundary stretching problems you have with your ILs.

AlDanvers · 29/01/2022 05:38

Did you buy the home from them? Do yiu legally own it?

Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:39

@AlDanvers

Your ripped a door handle off in a temper?

And you fell out with fil over where to keep the spare replacement?

If you changed the locks, they can't have a key unless your dh gave them it. In which case your issue is your dh.

You all sound insane tbh.

You completely misunderstood. I didn’t rip a handle off in temper. They didn’t want to admit they had keys, so they were pretending to search. I needed in so I used a flathead and a hammer to remove it. I was not angry.

I did not fall out with anyone. I said it was suspicious to me that he was so invested in whether we got a spare and especially where we’d keep it. It made me uncomfortable.

And as for the key, part of my concern was I didn’t know if they bought the exact same handle, would the keys work. I wonder this because they had a new door handle wrapper laying about that I saw. It made me nervous. I’m not crazy, they have just lied to me so many times on this matter, and it freaks me out.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:40

@AlDanvers

Did you buy the home from them? Do yiu legally own it?
Yes we legally own it completely
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:41

@MenopauseSucks

Change the locks & get a key safe in case you get locked out.

Once that's sorted, you can concentrate on dealing with all the other boundary stretching problems you have with your ILs.

Agreed. Thank you.
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:43

@AlDanvers

You ate annoyed because they call and text without prior agreement?
They would call and text multiple times through the day, very early, very late; we couldn’t spend time together without waiting for the next ring. So, yeah, we tried to set rules on that because it was very out of hand. Now they only do that when we’re home which is the best I guess we can hope for.
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:44

@readingismycardio

Is it their house OP, though? People are weird! Why did you move next door to them?
No, we own it completely. Honestly, we didn’t know they’d be like this. They pretended and said completely otherwise before we moved in. Then they completely flipped. It was awful and the source of many fights.
OP posts:
AlDanvers · 29/01/2022 05:46

I misunderstood because you said They were mighty upset and desperate when they found out I just tore off the door knob in impatience while waiting on them and then replaced it with something new.

That didn't mean you tore it off?

OK then.

Workinghardeveryday · 29/01/2022 05:46

I do feel for you, I would hate that.

It’s early, what am I missing, locks have been changed, how can they get in?

They call/txt without prior agreement. What a strange comment! I must remember to apologise next time I do that 😂. Isn’t that the point of a phone?!

Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:47

@LankylegsFromOz

It's weird but I've lived in this house for 6 years and never locked myself out, nor my previous home where I lived for 10 years. Is this a thing and I'm the odd one out?
Well, we wouldn’t have, but we fought so hard with them to even get a key for me. All we had was two keys, mine and DH’s. We didn’t get a spare until we got locked out and just kept their key. But my key got lost in my wreck. So we didn’t have a spare again. Hence getting locked out again. Our door knob was also super janky so I’m sure that contributed. It wouldn’t lock half the time, and then it would just surprise you by being locked. It was difficult to use.
OP posts:
hugr · 29/01/2022 05:48

Just get a key safe/box surely? And a proper lock

Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:49

@AlDanvers

I misunderstood because you said They were mighty upset and desperate when they found out I just tore off the door knob in impatience while waiting on them and then replaced it with something new.

That didn't mean you tore it off?

OK then.

I’m sorry for the wording but I didn’t mean that literally. I figured how I did it was irrelevant.
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 29/01/2022 05:51

@isthismylifenow

Is there a reason you thought living next door to your in laws was a good idea?

You do need to change all the locks discreetly and then set up a camera. In the short term.

Have you considered selling and moving a little further away?

Honestly, it’s a family tradition on my husbands side and they were so sweet and respectful before the big move.

Agreed. Thank you, I will be getting a camera.

We are! We have to save up, but as soon as we can, we will be moving :)

OP posts: