am I totally crazy for being scared that my in-laws might have a key to my house??

[MrsMissusAnonAnonymous]

Ok, I think a little too much. Worry a little too much. The fact is, DH and I moved into parent IL’s old home after they bought the nicer one next door. Then fighting ensued about boundaries. Whether or not they had to ask to be in our yard, whether or not it was our yard, whether or not they’d move their things to their yard or keep using ours, whether or not they could text and call when they please… list goes on. Anyways, one big thing that has unsettled me SO much was their insistence on owning a key to our house even though WE own it and don’t want them to. They argued for weeks. Gave us a key and said that was all. I told DH I just didn’t believe them. Then we got locked out. Turns out they had another! So we took that one and didn’t give it back. But I still didn’t believe that was it. They said that was all, but I just knew. Anyways, we kept that as a spare until I wrecked and lost my main key, so the spare became my main and we were left spareless. I got locked out again. So, I figured I’d ask. Hell, they had 2 more. They were mighty upset and desperate when they found out I just tore off the door knob in impatience while waiting on them and then replaced it with something new. Now I’m just so nervous. FIL spent a good while after he saw my new knob trying to convince me of the ‘best places’ to hide my spare. We opted out of getting a spare partially because of that. It was off putting when he told me I could hide it in his shed knowing how they’ve acted about keys to our house. But I’m so worried because that knob is just a basic Walmart one with the brand on display, how do I know they didn’t find it and buy it to have their own keys? And why do they want access so dam bad? I’m sorry it just makes me so scared and I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, they say it’s for an emergency but are unable to elaborate and don’t care that we don’t want them to have keys. AIBU?? Help! It sounds crazy, but clearly they weren’t being put to use while I’m at home, so I’ve sometimes been caught in the rabbit hole of wondering if they let theirselves in when we’re away. Tell me what you think please!!

@Workinghardeveryday

I do feel for you, I would hate that.

It’s early, what am I missing, locks have been changed, how can they get in?

They call/txt without prior agreement. What a strange comment! I must remember to apologise next time I do that 😂. Isn’t that the point of a phone?!

I do hate it :( I don’t know their intentions so it worries me. They just seem to always find a way so, like I said, I’m over thinking and stressing. As for the call text thing— I don’t care if they do, but they did it constantly, like, 5-6 times a day, everyday, no matter the time, or if we were home or not. It was super frustrating.. we couldn’t spend any time together without waiting for the next call.

@hugr

Just get a key safe/box surely? And a proper lock

I will thank you :)

I’m reading your posts in an American accent.

Is target better than Walmart?

@Im2022

I’m reading your posts in an American accent.

Is target better than Walmart?

Haha yes Target is much preferred to Walmart. You caught me😅

If it was me I wouldn’t answer the phone when they called/txted.

Sounds like they are very controlling and you moving next door to them was perfect for them.

Feel for you!!

Can I ask how old you and your husband are?

It feels like your in laws are taking advantage of your youth and feel that they somehow “own” you. They sound toxic.

Do you have children? I would definitely move before you do because I can’t see how they won’t be worse once their grandchild lives next door.

@Workinghardeveryday

If it was me I wouldn’t answer the phone when they called/txted.

Sounds like they are very controlling and you moving next door to them was perfect for them.

Feel for you!!

Thank you!! I wish we could just ignore them, but when we don’t answer they keep trying and ‘get worried’ and do irrational things like assume we’re hurt.

True, I agree their big idea was to control us in the end, and I wish I’d seen it.

Thank you!! :)

A few things:

1. yes, they sound awful, and I feel sorry for you BUT I have to wo dear why on earth you'd move in next door to them when they are like this? Surely you saw this coming?

2. stop getting locked out/wrecking keys etc. Your story reminds me of a teenager.

3. You need to do something about this situation. The best solution would be to move house. I would seriously do this if it is at all possible. If it's not possible then you need to at least secure your house properly. Get a locksmith to come and sort the door. They aren't that expensive if you go for a basic package and it really will be the best money you've spent.

Seriously think on moving... Even if you do get new handles and locks... Your in-laws are still next door, and they are still the same people with no boundaries who have lived to you repeatedly in order to have secret access to your home. That's fucking weird and I couldn't stand to be next door to them.

*lied to you repeatedly in order to have secret access to your home

@changeyourname11111

Can I ask how old you and your husband are?

It feels like your in laws are taking advantage of your youth and feel that they somehow “own” you. They sound toxic.

Do you have children? I would definitely move before you do because I can’t see how they won’t be worse once their grandchild lives next door.

You are spot on. We are both 19, they still consider us ‘children’. They say it a lot.

They are not too old themselves (40s), but they play it up as a way to create a responsibility to ‘help’ them. They definitely feel ownership, more to me as ‘the help’ (they often try to designate me tasks to me, to make time alone with DH possible such as babysitting SIL) and feel ownership to my husband in a way that they act as though I’m a hinderance in them seeing him and using him.

We don’t yet. And trust me, I KNOW. MIL used to tell me all the time, she ‘loves’ me because I’m the ‘future mother of her grandchildren’… cringe. We won’t be having any until we leave, but they don’t believe that , and I think that causes more issues. They are always planning as though a LO will be in the picture soon and are not shy in saying so. It’s frustrating and demeaning :(

@LadyPropane

*lied to you repeatedly in order to have secret access to your home

Exactly!! That’s why I’m so frantic on this matter. I never know what secret access they may have and it drives me insane. It makes no sense why they’re determined to unless they’re doing something they shouldn’t.

If you keep losing keys and getting locked out, you're giving them the perfect reason to want spares. Get yourself organised.

Ok, I've just read your update. I didn't realise you are 19. I probably lost my keys a fair few times when I was 19! I wouldn't have been so harsh in my reply to you if I'd known your age.

Anyway, I agree with the PP who says they are taking advantage of your young age. You really need to move.

What is the financial set up. Do parents still technically own this house? If yes, are they charging you rent? Do you and your partner both work?

we fought so hard with them to even get a key for me. All we had was two keys, mine and DH’s. We didn’t get a spare until we got locked out and just kept their key. But my key got lost in my wreck. So we didn’t have a spare again. Hence getting locked out again

You know you can go along to a key-cutting place and get multiple copies of your keys made , don't you ? And then you get a key safe which only you know the code for, and then you are never locked out again. And they can't get in because the spare key is locked in a box .

Or you sell up and move, which is what I'd do.

@LankylegsFromOz

It's weird but I've lived in this house for 6 years and never locked myself out, nor my previous home where I lived for 10 years. Is this a thing and I'm the odd one out?

Nope, it's not you. I'm 43, I've had house keys for about 25 years. I can't remember if I've ever locked myself out!

You need to get a professional locksmith out to replace all the locks and then have a spare in the house somewhere safe and a spare out of the house somewhere safe, like a key box.
How about installing a burglar alarm so they can't come round?
It is normal for family to have a spare key to your house in case of emergencies. You might be very grateful for family having access to your house one day.

You mentioned you own the house fully now, why can't you sell it to move it there is still a larger mortgage?

Thanks

@LadyPropane

A few things:

1. yes, they sound awful, and I feel sorry for you BUT I have to wo dear why on earth you'd move in next door to them when they are like this? Surely you saw this coming?

2. stop getting locked out/wrecking keys etc. Your story reminds me of a teenager.

3. You need to do something about this situation. The best solution would be to move house. I would seriously do this if it is at all possible. If it's not possible then you need to at least secure your house properly. Get a locksmith to come and sort the door. They aren't that expensive if you go for a basic package and it really will be the best money you've spent.

Seriously think on moving... Even if you do get new handles and locks... Your in-laws are still next door, and they are still the same people with no boundaries who have lived to you repeatedly in order to have secret access to your home. That's fucking weird and I couldn't stand to be next door to them.

Thank you :) they weren’t like this before. They spun tales about the space they’d give, the privacy we’d have, the respect and understanding, and never once alluded that they’d try to keep our yard or keys to our house. Before, they acted as though it would be a normal, fair transaction where they handed everything over and let us live our lives independently. Then we moved in. And it went south. They switched completely. Everything was an awful fight where they’d completely try to frame me as controlling and mean and unreasonable and crazy. They say they never made any of those promises and that we knew from the start. It’s heartbreaking they trashed my relationship with them for this. Because they think they have me trapped here so they can do what they please… sorry, I’m ranting. There is a lot of hurt still in me.

And yes, I am a teenager technically😅 19. I haven’t had the same issue since putting on the new handle. The old one was rather janky and would lock randomly.

We are saving to move!! Definitely in our plans as soon as we can. I agree, it’s so unsettling to me that they’d lie about having access to my home repeatedly. It scares me. They’ve shown me they weren’t the people I thought they were. So I just don’t know their intentions anymore.

@DePfeffoff

If you keep losing keys and getting locked out, you're giving them the perfect reason to want spares. Get yourself organised.

Well, it was because it was an old door and they had all the keys. They wouldn’t give us enough to be safe from that. They said the keys weren’t copyable (probably a lie in retrospect).

What a load of easily sorted nonsense! New lock and key safe!

@LadyPropane

Ok, I've just read your update. I didn't realise you are 19. I probably lost my keys a fair few times when I was 19! I wouldn't have been so harsh in my reply to you if I'd known your age.

Anyway, I agree with the PP who says they are taking advantage of your young age. You really need to move.

What is the financial set up. Do parents still technically own this house? If yes, are they charging you rent? Do you and your partner both work?

Don’t worry about it :) I think they are too. We are saving as fast as we can but unfortunately it’s quite a financial predicament we’re what with buying a home when we were only 18.

They don’t own it at all. We both work, but minimum wage and are going to school to get qualifications for better paying jobs.

Move at least 30 miles away, learn not to lose you keys and hope for the best. How old are you?

@BABAHOTEL

What a load of easily sorted nonsense! New lock and key safe!

Got it :)

@ShippingNews

we fought so hard with them to even get a key for me. All we had was two keys, mine and DH’s. We didn’t get a spare until we got locked out and just kept their key. But my key got lost in my wreck. So we didn’t have a spare again. Hence getting locked out again

You know you can go along to a key-cutting place and get multiple copies of your keys made , don't you ? And then you get a key safe which only you know the code for, and then you are never locked out again. And they can't get in because the spare key is locked in a box .

Or you sell up and move, which is what I'd do.

They claimed the keys were so old they were ‘uncopyable’. It never occurred to me to not take their word. I like your idea though, a key safe is something I’ve never heard of!

We are saving to move!!

@SMBC2020

You need to get a professional locksmith out to replace all the locks and then have a spare in the house somewhere safe and a spare out of the house somewhere safe, like a key box. How about installing a burglar alarm so they can't come round? It is normal for family to have a spare key to your house in case of emergencies. You might be very grateful for family having access to your house one day.

Agreed! I didn’t think of an alarm, I will definitely look into that! As for the whole family having a key thing, I would have considered it, but they acted so suspicious about it from the get go that I’m just not comfortable with the idea of them having one. They seem like they have ulterior motives. That and they were pretty pissed about having to give me my own key which was really off. It’s kind of like they only wanted my DH and them to have access, and I’d need assistance to be let in or something. They’re so strange it boggles me.