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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School "lost" my vulnerable ADHD/ODD son today!

367 replies

3Daddy31982 · 28/01/2022 20:13

Head was nice to me. That in itself isn't normal. She said XXXX played a game with us today. I was a bit lost. Turns out they'd lost him for quite some time. He'd hidden in cupboard. Other child told us they'd been out shouting his name. Class children were also searching for him!

He has ehcp and meant to have a one to one. I've previously not been happy with TAs not watching him.

He also came out in huge sobbing tears.

When he'd calmed down he told us noone found him. He didn't want to go to assembly and they'd said he had to. He said he was on his own! Which he must have been if they didn't know where he was.

Gut feeling is he isn't safe at this school. Felt that way since Sept when my Dad went to pick third child up and saw him solo and unwatched.

OP posts:
Hospedia · 28/01/2022 20:40

Bloody hell, OP, what a heart in throat moment for you and your poor boy. What the actual fuck were they doing while they were supposed to be watching him!?

I'd kick up a huge stink if I were you, look up their safeguarding policy and use it to make a formal complaint, you could also consider whether it comes under Ofsted remit too. I'd also expect for school to conduct an investigation into what happened and how they will take steps to prevent it happening again, and to share the findings of this with you.

Peppermint81 · 28/01/2022 20:58

Wow. Definitely raise this, school should investigate. Poor kid. Maybe start looking for other schools too

RobotValkyrie · 28/01/2022 21:11

Yeah, a nursery managed to do that with our youngest. Blamed him for it as well.

Logoplanter · 28/01/2022 21:15

He doesn't sound safe and you should move him to a school who can look after him and meet his needs.

Hankunamatata · 28/01/2022 21:16

Is this a mainstream school?

ButtockUp · 28/01/2022 21:17

Complain to the SEN governor at your school.
Outrageous.

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 28/01/2022 21:35

@Hospedia

Bloody hell, OP, what a heart in throat moment for you and your poor boy. What the actual fuck were they doing while they were supposed to be watching him!?

I'd kick up a huge stink if I were you, look up their safeguarding policy and use it to make a formal complaint, you could also consider whether it comes under Ofsted remit too. I'd also expect for school to conduct an investigation into what happened and how they will take steps to prevent it happening again, and to share the findings of this with you.

They didn't tell me till 3.30pm when I picked him up.

His sister informs me they called his name over & over which makes me think he was "lost" a long time. I'm guessing he also didn't attend the assembly so was "lost" all that time too. How long are school assemblies these days? 10-20 mins with no supervision. There's also 2 male registered paedophiles in our small town. I know everyone deserves a second chance but...

You're right - I have to take it further. I knew they weren't watching him. I'm lucky he's safe.

OP posts:
VioletOcean · 28/01/2022 21:37

Hope they look at his 1-1 and how times if adult needs to toilet or tied to lunch your child is covered by another adult.

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 28/01/2022 22:03

@VioletOcean

Hope they look at his 1-1 and how times if adult needs to toilet or tied to lunch your child is covered by another adult.
I'm not planning on sending him back. I'm scared he will get hurt.
OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 28/01/2022 22:07

Poor you and poor your son! I don’t get the voting at all Hmm who thinks YABU?

Even if you’re not sending him back please make a fuss as they’re obviously crap and a risk to other children.

DolphinFC · 28/01/2022 22:10

How old is he?
What is his EHCP for?
Under what circumstances did he go and hide in a cupboard?

DolphinFC · 28/01/2022 22:11

Just seen the reason in the thread title.

Ijustreallywantacat · 28/01/2022 22:12

Did you get to know how he managed to get on his own? As in did he get upset and walk/run away from them and find a cupboard or was he left on his own? I hope they investigate thoroughly. Poor you. A real worry.

covilha · 28/01/2022 22:29

From your title I thought they had lost him on an outing. Yet your post seems to indicate he chose to hide to get his own way. Have you discussed this with him? I ask because he seems to have discovered an effective way of avoiding a situation so will likely do this again in future, home and school
Also, why did he stay hidden? Especially when they called him? How old is he?

Hankunamatata · 28/01/2022 22:34

Could he have got out of the school grounds? My childs school is totally enclosed with all doors electronically locked needing key card to exit. If school was like this then they knew he was in the school - they just had to find him.
If he needs a high level of supervision/doesn't understand you don't play hide and seek in school then I'd say mainstream with 1:1 TA isn't the place for him.

On plus side this gives you extremely strong evidence for a place in a sen school as mainstream cannot meet his needs.

LetHimHaveIt · 28/01/2022 22:40

@covilha

From your title I thought they had lost him on an outing. Yet your post seems to indicate he chose to hide to get his own way. Have you discussed this with him? I ask because he seems to have discovered an effective way of avoiding a situation so will likely do this again in future, home and school Also, why did he stay hidden? Especially when they called him? How old is he?
Yes, I don't understand either. He knew he wasn't lost, so why the sobbing? He was deliberately hiding. Why didn't he come out when called?
Itsalmostanaccessory · 28/01/2022 22:46

@covilha

From your title I thought they had lost him on an outing. Yet your post seems to indicate he chose to hide to get his own way. Have you discussed this with him? I ask because he seems to have discovered an effective way of avoiding a situation so will likely do this again in future, home and school Also, why did he stay hidden? Especially when they called him? How old is he?
What they said.
RedHelenB · 28/01/2022 22:51

No one can watch a child constantly. He ran away and hid, talking about paedophiles in the neighbourhood is a red herring, he was in school.all the time. I hope you told him in no uncertain terms that he shouldn't ever hide in a cupboard at school again.

OwlinaTree · 28/01/2022 22:56

So did he go and hide in a cupboard? Did he hear people calling him? How old is your son?

I don't think the staff can be blamed for 'losing' him - they know he was missing and were looking for him. They were probably really worried about him.

Do you expect him to be followed everywhere? Like to the toilet?

TipperHendry · 28/01/2022 22:59

What do posters asking questions, think the bloody 1:1 is for?? Seriously? They’re employed FOR THIS REASON. And yes, accompanied to the toilet/assembly etc.

In many cases the 1:1 gets redeployed somewhere else, unlawfully, and then this is what happens.Angry

I’d be raging, and on to the SEN department faster than you can say “judicial review.”

Lindy2 · 28/01/2022 23:01

He wasn't really lost - he hid.

I'm assuming he's very young as well as having additional needs. Yes his 1 to 1 should be watching him but I can also see how him ducking into a cupboard to hide could happen in just a couple of seconds.

Perhaps his needs are too much for a mainstream school.

I'm also a parent of a child with additional needs. Even though it might be difficult for him to understand you need to do what you can to help him understand hiding from the people looking after him is a dangerous thing to do.

OwlinaTree · 28/01/2022 23:01

I would take a young child to the toilet, probably KS1 age. I would take an older child to assembly if they needed one to one all the time yes.

I would probably think a KS2 child would want to use the toilet on their own. I might hover in the corridor I suppose.

covilha · 28/01/2022 23:02

As @RedHelenB and @Hankunamatata say it seems your child was safe in school. He was unlikely to get out as post Dunblaine (RIP) schools are locked when children are attending

OwlinaTree · 28/01/2022 23:02

I know this is not about that!

SparkleSpangle · 28/01/2022 23:07

What happened between the finding him and the end of school to upset him. I'd think this is more of an issue?