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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School "lost" my vulnerable ADHD/ODD son today!

367 replies

3Daddy31982 · 28/01/2022 20:13

Head was nice to me. That in itself isn't normal. She said XXXX played a game with us today. I was a bit lost. Turns out they'd lost him for quite some time. He'd hidden in cupboard. Other child told us they'd been out shouting his name. Class children were also searching for him!

He has ehcp and meant to have a one to one. I've previously not been happy with TAs not watching him.

He also came out in huge sobbing tears.

When he'd calmed down he told us noone found him. He didn't want to go to assembly and they'd said he had to. He said he was on his own! Which he must have been if they didn't know where he was.

Gut feeling is he isn't safe at this school. Felt that way since Sept when my Dad went to pick third child up and saw him solo and unwatched.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 29/01/2022 20:15

[quote 3Daddy31982]@Kittensinthekitchen x TY xxx

PP it's 17 hours +6 . Either they can meet need or they can't.

Yes pp I am aware how hard my son is going to find life. Thanks for the reminder.[/quote]
That’s not full time support. In my school, children are here for 6 1/2 hours each day, that’s 32 1/2 hours a week. So your ds is not supported for 9 1/2 hours a week, or just short of 2 hours a day - could be more if they have a longer lunch time.

Mumofsend · 29/01/2022 20:17

My DD has full time 1-1 support and because she needs it to be literally full time the school are funded for 40 hours.

Hankunamatata · 29/01/2022 20:31

Is you son in school 9-3 but only has TA for 17 +6 ?

I do understand as my own kids have 1:1 but with full hours 25 + 5 which I had to fight to get. No TA is omnipotent in the classroom, all it takes if for another child to fall over, 2 kids to get into a fight, turn their back to get child a drink or paper etc - the nearest adult has to intervene and then child can easy run off.
You now need to get this documented, lodge formal complaint that school cannot meet his needs - check out ipsea, sen sos, special needs jungle. You can fight for a new school place without a solicitor. You need to be persistent and tenacious to get your son an appropriate school place

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 22:07

I've tried to book ipsea over the last 9 years. Never even managed a single appointment.

OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 22:08

I agree his ehcp isn't sufficient

OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 22:09

The LA set the support. I don't

OP posts:
Imitatingdory · 29/01/2022 22:13

You just have to keep trying with IPSEA. They now have a call in session on Fridays, have you tried that? And have you tried SOSSEN.

If the EHCP isn’t sufficient you need to appeal it. It’s possible to appeal without using a solicitor, many parents self represent.

Have you checked if you would be eligible for legal aid?

Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 22:19

I've 3. Only 1 has odd. We live in same home. I'm big on equality. I'm not just badly parenting 1 child.

OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 22:20

I rang and no one answered. All day.

OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 22:21

You only get half decent sen education of you've sufficient in the bank and know the right people.

OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 29/01/2022 22:21

@Mumofsend

My DD has full time 1-1 support and because she needs it to be literally full time the school are funded for 40 hours.
I'm guessing you're not in Cumbria
OP posts:
Spikeyball · 29/01/2022 22:25

"Spikeyball I understand that - but that's not coping with normal life. If the child is in a mainstream school presumably the hope is that he will be able to function in the wider community"

My son was in mainstream for 4 years. He is a non verbal 16 year old with 2:1 support at special school. Being in mainstream in early primary tells you nothing.
And your idea of normal life is not everyones normal.

Soontobe60 · 29/01/2022 22:46

@3Daddy31982

I've 3. Only 1 has odd. We live in same home. I'm big on equality. I'm not just badly parenting 1 child.
OP, as many of us have pointed out, your child does not have a full time 1:1 TA according to you. So there ARE times in the school day when he is not supervised 1:1 aren’t there? During some of that time, he hid in a cupboard. He wasn’t injured, he wasn’t abducted by the 2 paedophiles that live in the area, he heard the adults calling his name and stayed in his cupboard. All perfectly usual behaviours for a child with ODD / ADHD diagnoses.
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 30/01/2022 00:26

He was with his 1 2 1. Except he wasn't. U agree the ehcp is pathetic. If you can find a way to get the most complained about education authority to fully fund sen. I'd be appreciative

OP posts:
Original poster
3Daddy31982 · 30/01/2022 00:26

I agree not u

OP posts:
2reefsin30knots · 30/01/2022 07:31

I don't think you will be able to argue for any changes to his EHCP provision on the basis of this one incident. On the face of it, he hid to avoid a demand- they found him. That is not going to sound like a big deal to anyone who regularly reads over incident reports.

However, you should be able to get changes based on the fact that he is really struggling to engage in school at all and therefore (presumably) is not able to make progress towards his EHCP targets.

You will have to fight hard though, using all the resources you do have available (IPSEA, judicial review etc), especially if your LA is weak.

You sound very defeated, which is totally understandable, but I think there are better ways to move forward than just attacking your current school.

BigYellowHat · 30/01/2022 07:33

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy with that. Is there somewhere else you can move him to?

Stripeydressh · 30/01/2022 08:15

I think it depends on what the 1-1 is for. I wouldn't immediately assume it would be for keeping a constant eye on your DC. I work as a 1-1, and my role is to assist with the work and help them learn the skills to be in the classroom. This often means trying to get them independent.

If he hid because he didn't want to go to assembly I wouldn't put this just on the school. Is your son able to understand that what he did was wrong/ dangerous? I would assume something like this needs a risk assessment done, and a meeting with the school. Try and work with them.

Headteacher415 · 30/01/2022 08:54

In 25 years, I've never known a child who has full-time eyes on provision in a mainstream school, it would be exceptionally rare. If the child runs out of the room, staff will follow rather than "chase" (which puts them at risk as they go faster). YABU to think that any adult can prevent a child running off and hiding in a cupboard.

For safeguarding purposes, they should (i) have noticed pretty much immediately that the child was missing and begun looking and (ii) have a secure site so that the child remains within the school.

It's like a bigger version of a child at home hiding under their bed, but with potentially 100s of places they could be.

If you feel it necessary to change school, ask potential schools whether they can prevent this ever happening again, and I'd be surprised if you can find a school who can commit to this.

AndAnotherNewOne · 30/01/2022 08:59

Just move your child. You don't trust the school but you will never find the perfect placement. People are human.

Maybe his TA felt obliged to help another child in distress or need. She can't just say she's watching your child when an emergency happens. Of course she has to step in.

Your expectations are utterly unrealistic. Please talk to DS about not hiding -he's the one who ends up upset.

Hankunamatata · 30/01/2022 09:03

If child has dual diagnosis of asd. NAS are amazing they talked me through my appeal and got me extra hours

Hankunamatata · 30/01/2022 09:07

www.cumbria.gov.uk/childrensservices/schoolsandlearning/ils/parentpartnership/educationhealthandcareplans.asp
Cumbria have info on raising a dispute

Imitatingdory · 30/01/2022 09:39

You only get half decent sen education of you've sufficient in the bank and know the right people.

That isn’t necessary true, whilst money can help, you don’t need to spend a fortune on legal advice. Many parents successfully appeal without doing so, even when their LA spend extortionate amounts hiring barristers.

You can challenge the EHCP.

Mumofsend · 30/01/2022 09:44

@Imitatingdory

You only get half decent sen education of you've sufficient in the bank and know the right people.

That isn’t necessary true, whilst money can help, you don’t need to spend a fortune on legal advice. Many parents successfully appeal without doing so, even when their LA spend extortionate amounts hiring barristers.

You can challenge the EHCP.

Unfortuantly it isn't about solicitors. 9 times out of 10 to get a legally written EHCP you need to fund independent assessments to get the reports correctly written to then get the EHCP corrected written.
Imitatingdory · 30/01/2022 09:50

Mumofsend I agree about reports, but my original post which OP replied to with the line I quoted was telling OP she didn’t need to spend £7k on solicitors.

If you can’t afford reports, Parents in Need can sometimes help fund them.