School "lost" my vulnerable ADHD/ODD son today!

[3Daddy31982]

Head was nice to me. That in itself isn't normal. She said XXXX played a game with us today. I was a bit lost. Turns out they'd lost him for quite some time. He'd hidden in cupboard. Other child told us they'd been out shouting his name. Class children were also searching for him!

He has ehcp and meant to have a one to one. I've previously not been happy with TAs not watching him.

He also came out in huge sobbing tears.

When he'd calmed down he told us noone found him. He didn't want to go to assembly and they'd said he had to. He said he was on his own! Which he must have been if they didn't know where he was.

Gut feeling is he isn't safe at this school. Felt that way since Sept when my Dad went to pick third child up and saw him solo and unwatched.

If my kid were in the class I'd be mad that his learning time was being wasted & have a word with the school.

People without a child with SEN should sit this one out as you really have no clue and your comments are often silly as a result.

Very much this.

1. If he is a known flight risk then school should be taking this into account when supervising him

1. If he has an EHCP stating he needs constant supervision then, by law, he needs to be constantly supervised

1. Being a mainstream school is no excuse, he has a right to attend a mainstream setting and even if a special school was more appropriate there are too few places available to simply move into one

1. Depending in his specific needs, he may nit act in age appropriate ways or have the cognitive ability needed to understand not to hide in a cupboard. The same applies to "why didn't he come out when called?" Applying neuro-typical expectations to a neuro-atypical child leads to safeguarding issues (much like this one) as those who should be supporting the child instead overestimate their abilities and the child ends up in difficulty

1. "He was still on school premises so was reasonably safe" doesn't wash either. He could have hidden in the kitchen, in a heating cupboard, a utility or a maintenance cupboard, and a dozen other hazardous places. School got lucky that it was "just" a cupboard

1. OP is not unreasonable to want to know the circumstances around how and why it happened, it absolutely is a safeguarding issue, and she is not unreasonable to raise a complaint

@3Daddy31982 I would ask MNHQ to move your thread to the SN boards, you will get more knowledgeable advice and support there than you will on AIBU

@Hospedia
how do you think they can stop him from running off?
Do you think he should be tied to the 1-1 TA so he physically can’t run anywhere?

how do you think they can stop him from running off? Do you think he should be tied to the 1-1 TA so he physically can’t run anywhere?

Without sight if his assessment records I couldn't possibly presume what support measures he needs that would fit his particular profile however school will have a copy of his EHCP and his supervision needs will be set out in that, they should be meeting those needs and providing the appropriate level of support/supervision.

I know with DS that his TA is clued into his triggers and signs that he's starting to have difficulty coping, she intervenes before the situation escalates and sorts out whatever he needs at the time to bring him back into a state of regulation. That's because his school follows his EHCP.

This child has a diagnosis of ADHD/ODD. I’m a bit hesitant about recommendations which suggest that all neurodivergent or SEN needs are the same. Examples here are posters who are referring to their specific experiences with autistic children.

A 1:1 cannot watch a child continuously-they can try their very best, but things will happen even if they are right by them. They might blink, turn their head, tie their shoe laces and if a child wants to run away and hide in a cupboard and ignore adults calling for them, they can. That is a child hiding and not wanting to go to assembly, not an adult ‘losing’ them.

If your child, of his own will, will deliberately hide in a cupboard, and deliberately not come out when he hears people calling his name, then you need to seriously consider if a mainstream school is the right place for him.

Mainstream schools can only do so much.

Keep in mind as well that If despite him having a 1:1, this still happens, then the school might look to use this as evidence that they are doing all they can and it isn't the right place for your child. Ultimately, if they feel your child's needs means they can't provide the best environment for him, they might push to have him moved elsewhere. And frankly, I think you need to consider as well if it's the best place for him.

I was a 1:1 for autistic children for over ten years. I would have never, ever have left them for a split second until someone was covering me. People seem ignorant as to the severity of leaving a child with particular needs unattended. I would kick off about this. Ignore the parenting advice, I hope your son is ok now.

Children in primary schools (again, assuming this is the setting, as middle schools are rare as hens’ teeth nowadays) do not have access to kitchens, heating cupboards, or maintenance offices. Schools risk assess carefully, as all young people are vulnerable.

Children in primary schools (again, assuming this is the setting, as middle schools are rare as hens’ teeth nowadays) do not have access to kitchens, heating cupboards, or maintenance offices. Schools risk assess carefully, as all young people are vulnerable.

Have you visited every school to check?

The safety and security of the schools environment is one of the main parts of an Ofsted inspections. So no, I haven’t personally visited every school but I am aware that schools follow codes of practice and are carefully regulated.
I am not sure what posters think a specialist provision (without a clear idea that this child has additional SEMH, communication or learning needs) could have done for this child that mainstream hasn’t. The EHCP would still be for 1-1 support, and the child could still run off in exactly the same conditions.

He was hiding, not lost surely? But follow your instincts re the school. Just looked up ODD: that must be so hard 😔

The 1:1 funding thing is weird in practice. I’ve volunteered in two schools where a child had 1:1 funding, yet “their” person was treated as an extra pair of hands and definitely not doing real 1:1. I suspect it never really happens in mainstream schools. The staff were a bit guilty about it but felt it was one of the many many things they can’t do properly because of underfunding.

An sen child at ds primary school managed to escape from the school grounds & it took several teams of police over 2 hours to find him & he was supposed to have constant 1:1 support.

I don’t get the voting either. Obviously a lot of people who don’t understand why some children need 1 : 1. What really annoys me is the schools get funding especially for this, so they should bloody well provide it, not just palm off to several different arbs who just happen to be free or someone who is literally just going to watch the child and do nothing constructive with them, which happened in my experience. And as a PP said, there needs to be someone to cover for the times the assigned 1 : 1 is on any sort of break.

Does he have a 1 to 1 for as many hours as he is actually in school? Or have they done the usual thing in the EHCP and only funded part of the time?

Definitely question the school about where the 1:1 was and how this happened.

Nobody can watch a child 100% of the time. Not even a 1:1 - or even a parent! It's possible that she was glancing at the clock, or picking up DS jumper for him, or some other momentary thing that could happen anywhere. If you can't send him back due to something like that, it will probably be challenging to find a school which can accommodate him.

If, however, his 1:1 is being used as a whole class TA and DS isn't getting the 1:1 support he requires, then there's an issue that needs solving, either by the school or by moving him to another school.

Ask the school for a meeting. Ask them how the incident happened. Discuss current provision. Ask them how they can prevent a recurrence - request for an individual risk assessment. Possibly demand an emergency annual review if their responses concern you or feel inadequate.

Don't "kick off" or "request a solicitor" or keep him out of school until you've established the facts and understood whether he's safe.

Does his EHCP specify 32.5+ hours of 1:1? This is the amount of time needed for a 1:1 all day (depending on school hours). They're rare.

The school didn't lose him. He hid from them and wouldn't come out.

There's also 2 male registered paedophiles in our small town. I know everyone deserves a second chance but...

In relation to SEN support issues at school, are you in the UK?
It isn't UK policy to disclose the number of registered sex offenders in your area.
In reality it is likely to be higher in the UK than 2 but the advice on SEN issues is likely to be UK based.

For anyone that thinks a 1:1 child should be watched all the time; you're right.

This doesn't work however if the child is a fast runner and the adult can't keep up. Child hides and there it happens. Easy to blame the adult and happens very quickly.
(I don't know if this was a runner situation though)

@covilha

From your title I thought they had lost him on an outing. Yet your post seems to indicate he chose to hide to get his own way. Have you discussed this with him? I ask because he seems to have discovered an effective way of avoiding a situation so will likely do this again in future, home and school Also, why did he stay hidden? Especially when they called him? How old is he?

I'm confused by this too? You just need to turn your back for a split second for a child to run away and hide - my old children do this sometimes and I suffer from anxiety so keep a very close eye on them! That's not 'losing the child', that's the child running away and hiding. A little different, no?

My own children, not my old children!

Hmm, meet with the school, ask them for advice on how to help you to teach your son not to run away and hide when asked to do things he does not want to do. As the school for advice on how you can teach your son to come out from hiding when the TA and teacher call his name while looking for him. Thank the school for handling the situation totally in-house without calling to worry you that they can not find your hiding son since you would have panic'd and made things worse. But the teacher and TA a thank you card for all their hard work with your DS.