School "lost" my vulnerable ADHD/ODD son today!

[3Daddy31982]

Head was nice to me. That in itself isn't normal. She said XXXX played a game with us today. I was a bit lost. Turns out they'd lost him for quite some time. He'd hidden in cupboard. Other child told us they'd been out shouting his name. Class children were also searching for him!

He has ehcp and meant to have a one to one. I've previously not been happy with TAs not watching him.

He also came out in huge sobbing tears.

When he'd calmed down he told us noone found him. He didn't want to go to assembly and they'd said he had to. He said he was on his own! Which he must have been if they didn't know where he was.

Gut feeling is he isn't safe at this school. Felt that way since Sept when my Dad went to pick third child up and saw him solo and unwatched.

ODD

He hid. I am a very caring mum, still sometimes things happened and I lost a track of my children for a couple of minutes in the playground etc etc. one day my DD decided to hide in the cupboard and I’ve had the most terrible fright in my life. So why are we so fast blaming the school? Unless it’s a repeated occurrence, or there is a big backstory, consider talking to the TA and find out what happened there. Most of the 1-1s work incredibly hard and want the best for the children, but they are not Gods, and real school life is hard.

@wombat1a
Thank you for giving the OP a different perspective.

I work with younger children and it’s very very hard to watch a child 100% of the time. No matter what you do there will always be some emergency where you turn your back for a second if another child is hurt or you can see an accident or unsafe situation unfolding and have to dash to the rescue. I do understand that a child with ODD isn’t being naughty hiding when he doesn’t want to do something and I wouldn’t blame your child in this situation but I would also have some sympathy for the adults.

@PupInAPram ODD is when a child is defiant.

Should add, a recognised disorder.

I know exactly what ODD is @Needacuppanow.

@PupInAPram oh sorry, I misread your emoji. Apologies.

The didn’t lose him.

He deliberately hid in a cupboard because he wanted to get out of assembly.

@Needacuppanow I see students with ADHD and also see how a TA and strategies for the child to use in school help that child immensely. I do think in some schools ADHD is over diagnosed. Honestly I think ODD is something else entirely. Apologies for the confused emoji, I wasn't brave enough for the eye roll one. I'll just pop my tin hat on now and duck under the table.

@PupInAPram seen and agreed!

I agree talk more with the school.
A child that runs and hides is hard to manage, Yes, a TA can try and predict those moments, put strategies in place to prevent it but it can still happen.
I do believe running off and hiding is not the same as a TA losing him. The TA and school would have been aware and looking for him til they found him.

In a mainstream setting running behaviours can be very hard to manage.
Work with the school.

Why didn't he come out when called ? He knew they were looking for him.

I don't agree with the comment to look for a new school - sorry to be blunt but its likely he'll behave like this wherever he is.

Yes he perhaps should have been watched but if the school is hit (still) with covid and skeleton staff it might not have been as possible.

[quote PupInAPram]@Needacuppanow I see students with ADHD and also see how a TA and strategies for the child to use in school help that child immensely. I do think in some schools ADHD is over diagnosed. Honestly I think ODD is something else entirely. Apologies for the confused emoji, I wasn't brave enough for the eye roll one. I'll just pop my tin hat on now and duck under the table.[/quote]
I'm not sure if it works differently where you are but in Scotland schools aren't diagnosing anything. We put in the relevant referrals and they are assessed but a number of outside agencies. ADHD diagnosis are certainly not jaded out easily. Also of course ODD is a different diagnosis but some kids can have more than one thing going on.

@liveforsummer I think you may have missed my point. I know ODD is a different diagnosis. I just think on (rare) occasions we are labelling as SEND behaviour that requires an altogether different approach from parents and the school.

@3Daddy31982

Head was nice to me. That in itself isn't normal. She said XXXX played a game with us today. I was a bit lost. Turns out they'd lost him for quite some time. He'd hidden in cupboard. Other child told us they'd been out shouting his name. Class children were also searching for him!

He has ehcp and meant to have a one to one. I've previously not been happy with TAs not watching him.

He also came out in huge sobbing tears.

When he'd calmed down he told us noone found him. He didn't want to go to assembly and they'd said he had to. He said he was on his own! Which he must have been if they didn't know where he was.

Gut feeling is he isn't safe at this school. Felt that way since Sept when my Dad went to pick third child up and saw him solo and unwatched.

Well you got better then I did from my kids school, (he also has a EHCP), they lost him for half an hour and had a go at me over it, claimed they came this close to calling the police and he disrupted the whole school.

turned out he fell asleep in the toilet.

[quote PupInAPram]@liveforsummer I think you may have missed my point. I know ODD is a different diagnosis. I just think on (rare) occasions we are labelling as SEND behaviour that requires an altogether different approach from parents and the school.[/quote]
I know, you'd said it was something different entirely and I was agreeing with that, whilst pointing out they individual dc can have more than one thing going on. Many dc have more than one diagnosis.

What do posters asking questions, think the bloody 1:1 is for?? Seriously? They’re employed FOR THIS REASON. And yes, accompanied to the toilet/assembly etc.

yep

He wasn't really lost - he hid.

🤔

My child has full time 1-1 and a tendency to hide when overwhelmed. She would never be left unsupervised long enough to be able to slip away and hide like this. Nor would they let her as it shows overwhelm and she needs supporting in a more appropriate way.

However, he isn't likely to have got out due to external locks hence not informing you as even though he was "lost" he was still within school grounds so not truly lost.

What is the wording of his ehcp? They vary massively.

How old is he?

Has hiding, running been an issue thus far that the school have known or is this a new thing he is doing?

He hid. I am a very caring mum, still sometimes things happened and I lost a track of my children for a couple of minutes in the playground etc etc. one day my DD decided to hide in the cupboard and I’ve had the most terrible fright in my life.

If you came on AIBU & said at the playground I lost sight of my child for a few minutes & he was injured the vast majority of posters would lambast you as it's your responsibility & you should never lose sight of them.

They didn’t lose him, he hid in a cupboard and was presumably having fun thinking himself the center of a “game”. Which then sounds like it backfired on coming out when he realised how much trouble he’d caused for everyone. From the fact that he was crying it sounds like he’s learnt a lesson from the experience.

@PupInAPram

ADHD is often helped by SEND strategies, TA support etc. I think generally ODD is best tackled by giving parents advice and help with parenting skills. A children's social worker of 40 years experience once told me that ODD is a direct result of inadequate parenting.

And this is why neurodivergent kids often have a hard time. Your social worker friend may have 40 years experience but If they’re saying this crap they clearly weren’t very good at their job. I find this comment offensive and incorrect.