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To ask for help re missing clothes drama?!
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joggerdrama · 27/01/2022 16:27

24 y/o dd is autistic, she is high functioning but has a few sensory issues and struggles with mental health. She is fairly picky about clothes she’s wears and goes through periods of having a “comfort outfit” when her mental health is low. Recently her comfort item has been a pair of puma joggers.

Last night she did some washing and put said joggers in. I actually saw her taking them off and putting them into the washing machine so whether or not they were hers they’re the ones she’s been wearing. I came home from work today to her absolutely distraught because she went to take her clothes off the clothes horse and her joggers were missing, ds’ gf had hung some of her washing, and she is now wearing the same pair of joggers. I talked to gf and she says they’re hers, both dd and ds’ gf can show me proof of them buying the exact same joggers in the same size.

Dd wants me to make gf give them to her but I’m not willing to do that without any proof they aren’t hers. Gf emptied out the wardrobe and drawers to show me and dd that whilst she does have 2 pairs, they’re 2 different sizes so the joggers she’s wearing are definitely hers.

Dd is breaking her heart over this, saying she can’t go out with her friends today without them and she’s gonna call in sick to work at the weekend as she can’t wear anything else. She’s even gone as far as saying she wishes gf would go back to her own house and when I said that this is her home now she said well she wishes she’d just drop dead then (which I spoke to her about dw). She’s now crying her eyes out in her room and saying she wishes she was dead.

To save all this hassle I thought I’d just buy dd a couple of new pairs but they’re £35 for just one pair!! And then almost £6 for next day delivery to guarantee they’re here before she goes to work. I just can’t afford that right now and pay day isn’t for another 10 days! Dd also can’t afford to replace the joggers and she doesn’t get paid til the 15th.

I don’t know what I can do to fix this. I can’t demand gf hand over the joggers because they might belong to dd can I? But due to dds autism she probably isn’t going to move on from this for a while.

Just want to add after all that before anyone says anything due to how “dramatic” she’s being, I say dd is high functioning as that’s how she’s been labelled but I’ve suspected for a while she isn’t as functioning as she appears to be but has just adapted due to no-one suspecting autism until she was 13/14 and not getting an official asd diagnosis until she was 18.

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CatOfTheLand · 27/01/2022 16:31

I'd speak to the gf and ask her if she could at least longterm loan the joggers for a while. If you show her what you've written here she'll hopefully be sympathetic

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DobbyTheHouseElk · 27/01/2022 16:31

Would the GF lend a pair to DD until you are able to buy a new pair for DD?

But, if DD has been wearing them so much, didn’t GF say something before? What has happened to the pair DD purchased?

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Toomuch2do · 27/01/2022 16:32

Would the DF be happy to lend them to your DD? Perhaps on the understanding that you/DD will split the cost of buying her a new pair as soon as you get paid?

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Bostonbullsmumma · 27/01/2022 16:34

Is DS girlfriend sure she washed them at the same time as your DD? If you saw DD put them in the basket, and DS gf, is sure hers are at your house the missing pair must be in the house somewhere! Maybe DS gf needs to check her room again to be sure

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Howshouldibehave · 27/01/2022 16:34

So, presumably there are another pair of identical jogging bottoms somewhere in the house? In DD’s room? I’d be turning the place upside down to try to find them.

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Aprilx · 27/01/2022 16:34

Gf emptied out the wardrobe and drawers to show me and dad that while she does have 2 pairs, they are 2 different sizes so the joggers she’s wearing are definitely hers.

I have read and reread this sentence and I do not understand what you mean. Where did the two pairs come from and I thought you said joggers were the same size? Confused

Anyway, unless I am missing something in the above, then no, you can’t force her to hand over the joggers.

You don’t need to buy DD a couple of pairs of joggers, can you stretch to one pair?

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Theunamedcat · 27/01/2022 16:37

Why won't gf let her have the joggers? The kid is breaking there heart and she can fix it she has another pair it won't hurt your not removing a limb its just joggers to her

And label them in future

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Howshouldibehave · 27/01/2022 16:37

Gf emptied out the wardrobe and drawers to show me and dad that while she does have 2 pairs, they are 2 different sizes so the joggers she’s wearing are definitely hers

I didn’t get this either-it’s written in a funny way. Does the girlfriend mean she had eg an 8 and a 10 and the DD also had a 10? I don’t see how that means the girlfriend knows they are definitely hers?

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wildseas · 27/01/2022 16:37

Can you explain to the gf that there have been two pairs, one of which is lost.

Suggest she lets dd have that pair, and you buy her a new pair on pay day.

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QuestionsorComments · 27/01/2022 16:37

You can't force GF, but how attached can she be to a pair of joggers? If the situation is explained calmly would she donate them to DD?

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BucketOfPlumbers · 27/01/2022 16:38

I think it's wonderful the gf is so understanding as to empty oitndraws. This leads me to believe that she understands the impact thisnwpuldnahve on your dd and wouldnt knowingly withold the clothes and truly believes they are hers.

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IsolaPribby · 27/01/2022 16:38

Can you appeal to the GF's better nature, and offer to order her a new pair if she let's DD have the current pair?

Then for future suggest that they both put their names in potentially similar items.

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rosiebl · 27/01/2022 16:39

You mentioned that ds gf has emptied drawers and wardrobe but not mentioned looking in your dd's drawers and wardrobe? Have you checked there? Also worth a check in your own and your ds wardrobe, washing basket, ironing pile etc. just in case they have been out somewhere else by mistake.

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Divebar2021 · 27/01/2022 16:41

Who took the clothes out of the washing machine and put them on the clothes horse? If you saw them go in then someone has taken them out and then removed them when dry. I suspect the GF has probably assumed that they were hers and probably has her own pair tucked away somewhere that she’s missed. I’d ask her very nicely to double check her room.

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joggerdrama · 27/01/2022 16:42

Where did the two pairs come from and I thought you said joggers were the same size?

Gf has 2 pairs, in 2 sizes. She bought a small but they didn’t fit her how she wanted so bought an xs. Dds was also XS.

You don’t need to buy DD a couple of pairs of joggers, can you stretch to one pair?

I can’t afford even the one pair at the moment as with delivery it would come to over £40.

DD already said gf has 2 pairs why can’t she just let her have one for a few weeks but she’s wearing the pair that dd wants. Due to sensory issues dd won’t wear the bigger size. Gf has gone out now but I could speak to her when she’s back and see whether she’d be willing too but even that sounds a bit cheeky! Confused

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Divebar2021 · 27/01/2022 16:43

Oops sorry I misread that. Get DD to clear out her drawers as maybe she was wearing GFs pair. If you find then you’d better mark up one pair so there’s no issues in the future… all sounds very stressful.

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TigerLilyTail · 27/01/2022 16:43

But the other pair must be somewhere. Have you searched your daughters room?

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NotJustACigar · 27/01/2022 16:44

Have a look on Vinted and see if you can find the joggers second hand for cheaper. Ask GF to give/lend the joggers to your DD until the Vinted joggers arrive. Consider using your son as a go-between if the GF is being stubborn. Is the GF living in your house rent free and using your washing machine for free, etc? If so then she really should give DD the benefit of the doubt/give the joggers to your DD. And everyone should be searching for the other pair!

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JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 27/01/2022 16:44

Honestly I don't think the GF is that understanding, even if she truly believes they are hers, she can see the emotional distress it is causing to a ND young woman, when whilst she might be a bit upset any the loss of the joggers it wouldn't affect her in the same way.
Search DDs room, then appeal to the GF , explain you don't think she took them and maybe your DD appropriated them from her in the first place, but for the time being could DD please have them due to the distress it's causing her. Is the GF aware of her diagnosis?

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MargaretThursday · 27/01/2022 16:45

I talked to gf and she says they’re hers, both dd and ds’ gf can show me proof of them buying the exact same joggers in the same size.

whilst she does have 2 pairs, they’re 2 different sizes so the joggers she’s wearing are definitely hers.

I'm a bit confused by this.
Do you mean that the GF has two pairs in two different sizes, or that the GF and your dd have 2 different sizes?

If they're not the same size then your dd may well find them uncomfortable anyway.

Have you checked your dd's room?
I was wondering if your dd might have accidentally worn the GF's joggers and so you then saw her putting them in the wash. So they're both told the truth as far as they saw it, but your dd's pair are still her her drawers-you mention the GF clearing out her wardrobe to show you but not your gf.

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BitcherOfBlakiven · 27/01/2022 16:45

The other pair has to be somewhere in the house. I’d focus your DD on finding them.

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ShortColdandGrey · 27/01/2022 16:46

Did your DS's GF take the ones she is wearing off the clothes horse? If so she needs to give them to DD as they are hers. You watched her put them into the washing machine yourself.

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MadeForThis · 27/01/2022 16:51

There is another pair in the house somewhere.

The gf seems very unwilling to help

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Socialcarenope · 27/01/2022 16:52

Are the other xs pair definitely not in the house? Under a bed, in another washing basket?

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joggerdrama · 27/01/2022 16:55

Dd only rearranged her room and sorted through all her clothes at the weekend so she definitely doesn’t have them in her room, I’ve told her to have another look now incase anyway.

Is the GF aware of her diagnosis?
She is but she’s only been around just over a year so I don’t think she understands the extent of it tbh.

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