Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
AnotherMansCause · 27/01/2022 06:02

You don't owe her a lift. Can you arrange (invent) something you have to ro regularly before or after work? Or just tell her that it doesn't work for you any more.

Rainbowqueeen · 27/01/2022 06:03

She is not living up to her side of the bargain so why should you.

I’d just text and say that you are not able to give her lifts anymore even once you return to work

SD1978 · 27/01/2022 06:09

The thank you after months of travelling together, wouldn't bother me- I'd probably still say it, but I k ow when a friend and I used to car share we would juts chat and say goodbye at the end eventually. The money, different. I would be asking for a set amount up front, no money no lifts. That's taking the piss as I'm sure it's significantly cheaper riding with you.

Missey85 · 27/01/2022 06:11

Your not a taxi stop giving her lifts!

MooSakah · 27/01/2022 06:13

The thank you wouldn't bother me after so long to be honest, she probably sees you as a friend. The lack of money and making excuses is not on though.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 27/01/2022 06:14

Yanbu

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 27/01/2022 06:15

If you are asking for permission to cut her off, then here it is: cut her off.

She is a CF, and life will be much simpler without her sponging off you.

Original poster
strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 06:16

Thanks for the replies, I’ve only started feeling irritated by the lack of thank you’s since she started messing around with the money, I don’t think I would have noticed much otherwise. But glad to know consensus so far is I’m not being unreasonable to feel fed up with giving her a free ride to and from work each day!

OP posts:
MooSakah · 27/01/2022 06:18

I agree with the lack of money the lack of a thank you would annoy me too.

alexdgr8 · 27/01/2022 06:19

just announce that you won't be doing it anymore.
do not discuss why.
least said, soonest mended.
you have to see her around the workplace, so don't want any arguments.
good luck.

ShippingNews · 27/01/2022 06:19

Stop doing it. This situation always ends badly . She is taking advantage and she thinks you are a free taxi service. Stop right now - just text and say " sorry but I won't be able to give you lifts any more". No excuses , just tell her and move on.

LottiesLaundry · 27/01/2022 06:21

Tell her politely but ever so firmly that you will no longer offer lifts as you are using the drive to make long distance calls with your family and friends, do an intensive language programme, listen to private self improvement podcasts or such like so you can't have any passengers for this reason.

You could also say that from now on your are not always going straight home but have to go shopping or run errand. Be firm, you do not owe this freeloader anything.

Underthestairsbears · 27/01/2022 06:22

I think you need something to break the cycle to make it easier like "oh I can't as I'm popping to my Mum's before work today" and then the next day a Tesco run or gym or whatever. And then if she still has the cheek to ask you then you're going to have to spell it out.

NewPapaGuinea · 27/01/2022 06:25

I’d be upfront and say tell her if she’s not going to hold up her side of the arrangement then the lifts will stop. Put the ball back in her court.

KatherineJaneway · 27/01/2022 06:27

You need to woop giving her lifts. No need to give some half arsed explanation. Just say from X date you can no longer provide her with lifts.

wishfuldogowner · 27/01/2022 06:34

YRNBU This was an agreement passed on shared costs. If she's not willing to pay it needs to stop.

Bogeyes · 27/01/2022 06:35

If you are not at work until Monday don't contact her. Wait until she contact you to ask about a lift then tell her "thank you for the offer but I am happier traveling alone"
This happened to me it was very awkward. My work colleagues were all taking the piss and laughing at me for being a fool. This woman does not respect you and thinks you are too weak to stand up to her....stop it asap. Good luck. Please let us know the out come.

echt · 27/01/2022 06:35

Two avenues:

  1. Text her to say you owe me X and if you give it to me on Y date, I will give you a lift. I need petrol a week in advance, so Z pounds+ arrears.
  1. She's shown herself to be an arsehole, why would you want to be in the same car as her? so bin her off
Bringonsummer19 · 27/01/2022 06:36

Is it just the last month and previous to this for the last 5 years she has always consistently paid you money?

If yes then it might be because of Christmas/a long time to pay day. She may be embarrassed to tell you. I would see what happens post pay day this week.

I know it’s not ideal for you but the arrangement has worked for 5 years then I would explore more if the has just been the last month

echt · 27/01/2022 06:38

@Bringonsummer19

Is it just the last month and previous to this for the last 5 years she has always consistently paid you money?

If yes then it might be because of Christmas/a long time to pay day. She may be embarrassed to tell you. I would see what happens post pay day this week.

I know it’s not ideal for you but the arrangement has worked for 5 years then I would explore more if the has just been the last month

The OP has worked there for 5 yews, the arrangement has been for a few months.

See OP's OP.

pictish · 27/01/2022 06:38

I’d never agree to car share in a month of Sundays - too binding by far. There are so many variables in a day…sometimes I don’t go straight home after work, sometimes I’m running late in the morning or want to go in early.

Her lack of thank you wouldn’t particularly bother me but being married to the lift arrangement would.

I would just say that it’s nothing personal but you’re finding it too much of a bind and you no longer want to be restricted by being the daily driver.

NotTheGrinchAgain · 27/01/2022 06:42

Yes I'd text her and say you aren't going to be able to give her a lift any more. Just end of, you don't have to give a reason. I like pp's suggestion of saying, when you see her, that you want the commute time to listen to a podcast or chat on bluetooth to a friend, or the flexibility to go out straight after work, so the arrangement isnt going to work for you any more.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 27/01/2022 06:45

Def stop the lifts OP.

ivykaty44 · 27/01/2022 06:52

Message person

We had an arrangement with the car share, we use my car & fuel & you pay. If you don’t pay then the arrangements not going to work. If you haven’t paid by Saturday I’ll take it as the arrangements are terminated and not pick you up in future.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/01/2022 06:58

You need to speak to her. Sending texts about this is weird.

She probably thinks that she doesn't need to pay because you're going anyway, but that wasn't the deal and she needs to compensate you for the extra time, even if minimal, and restrictions on your routine, because it stops you combining errands with your commute.

I'd ask again and if she makes excuses about money being tight, or saving up for a holiday, just laugh and say 'same here, without you contributing to the cost, I'd be looking at selling my car and using the bus/cycling/getting a job closer to home' or a jovial 'so you want me to help you pay for your holiday by giving you a free ride, I don't think so' .