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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
WeAreTheHeroes · 27/01/2022 06:59

Sounds to me as though she's rationalised to herself that you're driving to work anyway therefore it doesn't matter if she doesn't pay you. I'd make it clear she either catches up with payments to honour the original agreement or makes her own arrangements.

custardbear · 27/01/2022 07:00

I'd be nice, but firm because perhaps she thinks she's going under the radar as you're going in anyway so she wants a free ride, however that's not your situation and agreement. People quickly forget their responsibilities, just remind her again, be polite but firm
Good luck

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/01/2022 07:02

She is all excuses and doesn’t care about you or your pocket. I know it’s hard. But why make excuses back?

At most ‘You asked me for lifts every day on the basis of sharing travel costs. As I’ve received no money the past month despite asking, I think it’s best if we both make our own way to work.‘

But you are perfectly entitled to just tell her you won’t be giving her a lift to work anymore and if she asks because it doesn’t suit you anymore, you don’t want to, she has reneged on the agreement or simply just because you won’t be doing it anymore.

sayanythingelse · 27/01/2022 07:04

I've been there with car sharing. Never again. You always end up getting used as a free taxi service and there is no benefit to you.

Depending on your circumstances, I'd just make up an excuse such as DC need dropping off at school/you're going to start going to the gym before work and nip it in the bud now.

Lampan · 27/01/2022 07:05

I agree with those saying the main issue with giving lifts is the commitment to go straight home after work. Often I need or want to go somewhere else instead. I gave a colleague a lift a few times but declined for this reason when he wanted it to become a regular thing.
I also agree that the best way to deal with it is to say you can’t do it anymore and not give a reason.

burnthur5t · 27/01/2022 07:06

I've given lifts before but it ended very quickly. One day they didn't turn up and left me waiting for them, didn't bother telling me they weren't coming. I also had to chase them for money

My advice to anybody would be don't get involved giving lifts

OP, I would say you need the money every Monday morning the second she gets in the car. If that doesn't happen she's walking home Monday afternoon

ThePlumVan · 27/01/2022 07:06

I have commented on previous similar threads about my situation!

I ended up taking her to and from work, whilst including her school run both ways, and her moaning about my music, and her smoking in my car, and her whittled down payments to practically nothing, and her loud sweary arguments with her ex.

I moved house to get away from it.

Totally entitled -knock it on the head right now.

alexdgr8 · 27/01/2022 07:07

you need to distance yourself from this person.
just announce, by text/email, no more lifts.
do not discuss or make excuses.
hold your line.
good luck.

Billandben444 · 27/01/2022 07:10

You don't need to speak to her or make excuses or fall out. Send a text saying when you get back from leave you can't give her a lift to and from work any more. If she pushes you just say it doesn't work for you any more.

2DogsOnMySofa · 27/01/2022 07:11

If you don't need the money I'd kiss it goodbye quietly. But I would stop giving her a lift. Just text

'Hi x, I won't be able to give you a lift to work any longer I'm afraid, happy to do it for the rest of the week but from Monday you'll need to sort yourself'

If she asks why, just say it's not working for you any longer

Changeissometimesgood · 27/01/2022 07:15

It sounds to me like someone has said to her “strawberrylaces is going that way anyway, why do you need to pay?” I’ve had a car share. Payment was fine but timeliness was not. I just said I was going to call off the arrangement, it was stressing me out (it really was causing me a lot of stress). Things really improved from then but I wouldn’t put myself in that situation again.

Briony123 · 27/01/2022 07:15

@Missey85

Your not a taxi stop giving her lifts!
At least taxis get paid!
dangerrabbit · 27/01/2022 07:17

@NewPapaGuinea

I’d be upfront and say tell her if she’s not going to hold up her side of the arrangement then the lifts will stop. Put the ball back in her court.
This
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 27/01/2022 07:19

This happened to me when I got my first job, 45 min commune; drove out my way to collect and drop off and they never paid up…. Also expected me to leave later on their duty days, I cringe at what a walk over I was.

I think the suggestion of paying for the week/or even month upfront is a good one, and then if they don’t pay upfront no lift.

ZenNudist · 27/01/2022 07:22

I'd say

Hello I am not going to be offering lifts to and from work any more. The deal was you paid towards petrol and you have not done that for x weeks. You now owe me £x in petrol money which I have no wish to chase. You have stopped saying thank you. The arrangement does not work for me so I am not resuming lifts when back from holiday.

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 07:22

Let us know how you get on OP - I got myself in a similar situation once- wouldn't do it again

gettingolderandgrumpy · 27/01/2022 07:26

You are entirely within your rights to say sorry no lifts but if you work with this person do you really want to be like this ?. If you do fine I’m not saying you shouldn’t but if your going to have a conversation say if I’m not getting paid by Monday I can’t offer lifts going forward . I need this money every week / month whatever you agreed . If you really don’t want to continue the arrangement regardless of payment tell her to find alternative arrangements .

PrincessNikla · 27/01/2022 07:26

Its not really a car share if she doesn't drive her half

Does she have a car?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 27/01/2022 07:27

has it been pay day yet?
we are all hard up in january but if you have had pay day and she still hasnt paid she is bu

mogsrus · 27/01/2022 07:40

Been here before. I let it go for a while, pick up take back etc, then I began to see the light and I began to go in slightly earlier, sending the person a message as to what was happening, & forcing them to rearrange. It worked as for them, earlier time was just not possible, so it all dissolved,

Balonziaga · 27/01/2022 07:44

This was never a car share arrangement - she doesn't do a 'share'

Just tell her that the arrangement isn't working for you.
If she asks why you can list the reasons

You never pay
You've put me in the very uncomfortable position of having to nag you to pay
You don't say thank you which I find rude
I find the responsibility of it all a bit stressful - if I am running late, I don't want it to affect anyone else
I prefer my own company in the mornings

If she gets arsey, you can remind her that you've done her a favour for several months - she has nothing to moan about.

RoisinD · 27/01/2022 07:48

Does this affect the terms of your insurance? Especially as you are accepting petrol money.

BrutusMcDogface · 27/01/2022 07:50

Nobody likes a cheeky fucker! Just stop doing it. Leave earlier. Tell her she has to make her own way there from now on.

PlinkPlankPlunk · 27/01/2022 07:51

The pay day issue is as relevant to the OP as the cheeky friend though! OP could be relying on the friend’s contribution to fill up her car.

When one of my work colleagues moved into the same area as me I smiled and said how nice, you’ll love it, knowing that she’d be getting the bus in and I’d be driving. My days in and out of the office, even pre-COVID, we’re way too complicated to try and make any arrangements for giving lifts and I like to leave when I’m ready, not wait around for anyone else!

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 27/01/2022 07:51

Hi OP if you dislike confrontation how about a lie! Hi cheeky fucker just to tell you I have joined a whatever class and I am not availale to give you lifts anymore, I am so excited to start on xxx day. See you at work! I dont usually endorse lies but hey do whats right for you to make your life better. Or if honesty works better just say you are going to have to make your own way from next week as I have had enough of car sharing its not working for me being tied to doing this its restricting me too much and leave it at that, Either way just get shut of this issue you owe her nothing at all so do not feel bad about it.Her transport issues is not your problem at all she would have to get there if you were sick or left and I am sure she would manage just fine. Dont be used anyore.