To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

[strawberrylaces1]

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

I like this:

Hi x
Just thinking ahead to Monday and checking if you want to keep doing the car share thing?
Think I'm owed x for Dec and Jan - is that what you make it?

You might as well get some money for it if you're driving there anyway! So make it clear to her that your request for payment isn't going to go away and I think you'll get the money from her.

No need to lie. Just message straight out. “Hi Jan, I’m not doing the car share any more. See you at work.”

If she asks why, just say, ‘It’s too much hassle and too constricting.’

@PicaK

Put the ball in her court.... Hi x Just thinking ahead to Monday and checking if you want to keep doing the car share thing? Think I'm owed x for Dec and Jan - is that what you make it? Please can I have that on Monday if you want picking up. Xxx

That’s good. I’d also add-‘Happy to stop the arrangement too’.

Not often seen that!

I wouldn’t even go into why “hi x I’m just letting you know that I am no longer able to offer you lifts and you will need to make your own arrangements to get to and from work”

No reason. No discussion.

@OurChristmasMiracle

I wouldn’t even go into why “hi x I’m just letting you know that I am no longer able to offer you lifts and you will need to make your own arrangements to get to and from work”

No reason. No discussion.

Do this. Anything else leaves the door open for her to carry on and you don't want her to.

I had this and started cycling.

This is terrible. She is taking the mick and thinks she can get free rides with you and use the money she isn't paying to save for her holiday.

I would either call or text to say you want to stop the arrangement as it's no longer working for you but I would try to do so amicably as you still have to work with her. Let us know how the conversation goes.

She is managing to get to work when you are on annual leave so I presume so she is capable of making her own way - she doesn’t want to pay for it. I would text her to say you are no longer going to provide her with lifts as from Monday. You don’t need to explain your reasons.

What an entitled twerp, she's just shot herself in the foot with her attitude though. Let us know how you decide to tackle it OP, good luck!

If you're a Giver then you need to set boundaries because the Takers certainly don't.

Do you want to keep taking her even if she pays you? The lack of a thank you would really piss me off. Even if you’re friends you still say thank you, it’s just common courtesy. I have a friend who often gives lifts when we’re going out, I always say thank you and buy her a drink.

Don’t lie or make excuses, just say you’ve decided to stop the lift arrangement as it’s not really working out for you.

@Billandben444

You don't need to speak to her or make excuses or fall out. Send a text saying when you get back from leave you can't give her a lift to and from work any more. If she pushes you just say it doesn't work for you any more.

Exactly this. Anything more complicated will just drag it on.

You will feel so relieved!

I also like the “just thinking ahead” text. I’d send that today. It gives her a chance to make other arrangements if necessary, whilst setting out your position clearly.

Shes taking the piss... she feels entitled and shes not!...yes she is rude for not giving you petrol money, she probably sees it as "well you're going anyway" but thats not how it works! Why should she be getting to work for free and managing to have for a hol whilst you have to put petrol in your car!?

Think I'd just message her saying, " from tomorrow I'm no longer car sharing." If she asks why, just explain that you don't want to anymore, because she stopped paying. I still wouldn't car share, even if she suddenly stumped up the cash.

@strawberrylaces1

She's rude & cheeky!

It's not a car share, it's you providing a free chauffeur service!!

If she actually paid(as agreed) would you be happy to carry on, or do you want out regardless??

If you're happy to it if she pays then I'd say, if you want me to pick you up on Monday please transfer the outstanding car share costs into my account by Sunday. With the cost of petrol/diesel having gone up so much in 5 years, especially this past few months, going forward it'll be x per week, it's fine if you prefer to pay monthly (in advance) on pay day or each Sunday for the coming week.

If you want out regardless then I'd say, please pay outstanding car share costs if £x into my account by Sunday. I no longer wish to 'car share' as of Monday.

If she brings it up at work, simply say it no longer suits you to be tied into an arrangement. If she really pushes it, just say now covid restrictions have lifted, you want more flexibility.

Don't feel bad, if she had been polite & paid what you'd agreed you probably wouldn't have stopped it. Actions (or non actions) have consequences!!

Just explain it isn't really working and you would like to stop it. If it makes you uncomfortable, invent some errands - supermarket, gym, meeting friends...
I would hate to lift share. It ties you to particular times. I don't mind the giving someone a lift occasionally.
Having said that, I wouldn't be charging petrol money. I.guess it depends on your age. I might have done that in my 20s but wouldn't dream of it now.

'No good deed goes unpunished' is so true. Stop the lifts and really consider whether you want to be involved in a 'favour' before agreeing to something in future. I cringe when I think of the things I have done for other people, only for them to wipe their feet on me but at least you have asked for the money. She has absolutely no come back as she hasn't paid you as agreed.

@PicaK

Put the ball in her court.... Hi x Just thinking ahead to Monday and checking if you want to keep doing the car share thing? Think I'm owed x for Dec and Jan - is that what you make it? Please can I have that on Monday if you want picking up. Xxx

I'd do this, except drop the 'think' and 'is that what you make it?'

Only thing is, how has she been paying you? If it's cash/cheque when she sees you, she could say 'yes, see you Monday' and then turn up without the cash. If it's by transfer it's easy –just 'Can you transfer me what's owed and then I'll pick you up Monday.'

CF isn't she Id tell her directly that as the petrol contributions as agreed have stopped there will be no more lifts. Some people really take the piss.
I remember when my lodger said she couldn't afford the rent one month as she was going on holiday. The rent was the cheapest in town.
She was out the next day as she had no notice period in her contract.

If she brings it up at work, simply say it no longer suits you to be tied into an arrangement. If she really pushes it, just say now covid restrictions have lifted, you want more flexibility

I like this. No need to mention the money, she will know fine well she was chancing her arm by not paying you the agreed contribution and that this is probably the real reason.

I think I would tell her the truth so that she understands that her behaviour is not on and doesn't repeat it. We all need to be told sometimes that we are behaving like a dick.

My colleague did car sharing for a while in similar circumstances - she had a car, the other person didn't. She was often late paying and then paid in coppers, which wasn't even useful for parking money and my colleague became very stuck in terms of not being able to deviate from going straight home after work. I think she gradually told the other person she wouldn't be able to do x day as she was running an errand after work/going food shopping/etc and eventually they found someone else.

"Hi, hope you've had a good week. I'm afraid I won't be able to give you lifts to and from work anymore. See you Monday"

Sorted. Ignore any replies she might send you.

She’s unbelievably cheeky. It sounds like you go out of your way to drop her home?

Definitely bring this to a close now.