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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
blobby10 · 27/01/2022 07:53

strawberrylaces1 it may not be applicable on your insurance but on mine, accepting money for lifts would be the same as a taxi and my insurance wouldn't cover me. If she paid for your tank to be filled up once a week (as an example) as in went to the cashier and paid once you had filled the tank up it would be OK. Its just the handing over money for a specific ride thats not permitted.

if you do cancel her lifts, be aware that (if shes a total bitch) she may report you for running a taxi service without proper licensing.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/01/2022 07:56

@MrsLargeEmbodied

has it been pay day yet? we are all hard up in january but if you have had pay day and she still hasnt paid she is bu
no excuse, if she didnt have the op to drive her to work she would still have had to ensure she had the funds for her normal means of transport.
RedHelenB · 27/01/2022 07:59

Yanbu but tell her the lifts are stopping now so she has time to adjust.

BoredZelda · 27/01/2022 07:59

Why would you think you can’t just stop the arrangement?

I’m always surprised what people are willing to accept from how other people treat them.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/01/2022 07:59

A contribution toward petrol costs is not the same as 'for hire or reward' ie providing a service at a profit.

Petrol is only a small part of the cost of running a car so while the OP is only getting this, which she isn't anyway, it doesn't invalidate her insurance.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/01/2022 08:00

Op you need to decide what you are willing to do. Do you want to do to the car share if she pays or stop it altogether.

Then just take a deep breath and tell her if isnt working for you and what you want. If you continue with the carshare agree payments she is over due, and when it will be paid going forward each week for the arrangement to continue and what will happen if not paid. Then stick to it. If she doesnt pay on the day, don't give her a lift the next day

RedHelenB · 27/01/2022 08:03

O P is just carsharing not running a taxi service. Nothing to worry about in being given money for petrol, my kids give the driver petrol money as routi be if they go out with their mates.

BoredZelda · 27/01/2022 08:03

it may not be applicable on your insurance but on mine, accepting money for lifts would be the same as a taxi and my insurance wouldn't cover me. If she paid for your tank to be filled up once a week (as an example) as in went to the cashier and paid once you had filled the tank up it would be OK. Its just the handing over money for a specific ride thats not permitted.

People really do come out with the biggest bullshit.

As long as you aren’t profiting from it, it is perfectly legal and not a risk to your insurance to be given petrol money but someone you give a lift to.

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 08:05

@blobby10

strawberrylaces1 it may not be applicable on your insurance but on mine, accepting money for lifts would be the same as a taxi and my insurance wouldn't cover me. If she paid for your tank to be filled up once a week (as an example) as in went to the cashier and paid once you had filled the tank up it would be OK. Its just the handing over money for a specific ride thats not permitted.

if you do cancel her lifts, be aware that (if shes a total bitch) she may report you for running a taxi service without proper licensing.

this will not happen!!
Roselilly36 · 27/01/2022 08:05

YANBU colleague sounds a CF. Before my son passed his driving test at 17 a friend of his used to drive him to college, he always gave him money equal to his bus fare, as he needed two buses to get there, & was far easier. Luckily DS passed as his friend left college. So he could drive himself there. Really rude no to pay up or say thanks. I would stop it and look forward to the peaceful journeys.

Bananarama21 · 27/01/2022 08:07

I had a friend which I use the term loosely who I would pick up on the way to work and drop off home for about a good year about twice a week went up to 3 times a week at one point. She got cheeky when she wanted me to go out of my way to pick her up from the hospital after seeing our mutual friends baby and drop her off to work when I literally lived down the road when we were working at the site closer to where I live. Lockdown arrives and when we could meet up outside I wasn't invited and tried to check in and got nothing. I realised then I was only useful when I was giving a lift. She then passed her test on the 6th try and that was that. Was never the same with her and I left shortly after she never tried to stay in touch and I removed her from my friends list and she complained to mutal work colleague until mutal work colleague pointed out to her did she try to remain friends with her and there was her answer.

coodawoodashooda · 27/01/2022 08:10

@echt

Two avenues:
  1. Text her to say you owe me X and if you give it to me on Y date, I will give you a lift. I need petrol a week in advance, so Z pounds+ arrears.
  1. She's shown herself to be an arsehole, why would you want to be in the same car as her? so bin her off
Yeah. Id like to think Id go with number 2 but really Id make up loads of vague excuses.
PicaK · 27/01/2022 08:11

Put the ball in her court....
Hi x
Just thinking ahead to Monday and checking if you want to keep doing the car share thing?
Think I'm owed x for Dec and Jan - is that what you make it?
Please can I have that on Monday if you want picking up.
Xxx

ImInStealthMode · 27/01/2022 08:11

If she's not living up to her side of the bargain then stop, and be glad you have a reason to!

I got into a lift arrangement that didn't involve money from the liftee (because I wasn't going out of my way at all) and it was impossible just to say 'I don't want to do this anymore because I'd rather listen to a podcast than you' without being terribly rude. Thankfully she left the job eventually Blush

KaptainKaveman · 27/01/2022 08:12

I've just had to bite the bullet and ask someone I know who I always ferry around for a petrol contribution. Not a work colleague but someone whose dc does the same very time consuming hobby which frequently involves long ( up to 2 hours and back again) drives to venues where there is then an entry fee ( sorry I'm trying to be vague so it isn't too outing), sometimes parking costs etc. I have been taking this woman and her dc for years and not once has she offered a single penny Shock. She recently messaged me to ask about upcoming lifts and I said ok but from now on I'd appreciate a petrol contribution. Now I'm stressing about how much to ask for! As a matter of interest, what's the general form for that? a %age of petrol costs? or half what they'd pay in train/bus/taxi costs? TIA.

Beamur · 27/01/2022 08:13

I'd just keep it simple. No excuses, no deep explanation. Hi, the car share isn't really working for me anymore, you'll need to make other arrangements from now on. See you at work.
If she collars you about it, I'd say you miss having that time to yourself and the flexibility to do other things after work without having to let her know. (unless she has no self awareness at all she'll realise that you're fed up with her not paying her share)
Don't feel bad.

KaptainKaveman · 27/01/2022 08:13

sorry for the hijack!

picklemewalnuts · 27/01/2022 08:13

"Don't forget petrol money on Monday- it's much cheaper and faster than the bus!"

cookiemonster2468 · 27/01/2022 08:13

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

Hi OP if you dislike confrontation how about a lie! Hi cheeky fucker just to tell you I have joined a whatever class and I am not availale to give you lifts anymore, I am so excited to start on xxx day. See you at work! I dont usually endorse lies but hey do whats right for you to make your life better. Or if honesty works better just say you are going to have to make your own way from next week as I have had enough of car sharing its not working for me being tied to doing this its restricting me too much and leave it at that, Either way just get shut of this issue you owe her nothing at all so do not feel bad about it.Her transport issues is not your problem at all she would have to get there if you were sick or left and I am sure she would manage just fine. Dont be used anyore.
Sorry but I think a lie is a daft idea.

Lying to avoid confrontation is such an unhealthy coping strategy and you will then have to keep up the lie. What if she asks you how the class is going in 4 weeks time and you forget all about it?

Just be straight with her, tell her that she doesn't pay and doesn't say thank you do you don't want to give her a lift anymore.

cookiemonster2468 · 27/01/2022 08:16

@KaptainKaveman

I've just had to bite the bullet and ask someone I know who I always ferry around for a petrol contribution. Not a work colleague but someone whose dc does the same very time consuming hobby which frequently involves long ( up to 2 hours and back again) drives to venues where there is then an entry fee ( sorry I'm trying to be vague so it isn't too outing), sometimes parking costs etc. I have been taking this woman and her dc for years and not once has she offered a single penny Shock. She recently messaged me to ask about upcoming lifts and I said ok but from now on I'd appreciate a petrol contribution. Now I'm stressing about how much to ask for! As a matter of interest, what's the general form for that? a %age of petrol costs? or half what they'd pay in train/bus/taxi costs? TIA.
@KaptainKaveman Work out the cost of the journey and split it between whoever is travelling. So if two of you then 50/50.
coodawoodashooda · 27/01/2022 08:19

I feel annoyed for you op.

DreamerSeven · 27/01/2022 08:20

I’d knock it on the head with a text saying “Hi, just to let you know I’m not going to be able to give you lifts any more, am telling you now so you’ve got time to make other arrangements” If pressed, just give a vague “I’m juggling a few things at the moment and can’t take on any extra commitments, however minor they may appear to others”.

Noisyprat · 27/01/2022 08:20

I would not be contacting her. She is the one who needs the lift and has the problem of getting to work. Added to that she has caused another issue by not paying you. By contacting your are making yourself ‘manager’ of her lift problem.

Just leave it and don’t pick up on Monday when you’re back. If she says anything just say it isn’t working for you.

Do not tell her that she hasn’t been paying you so you don’t want to do it anymore. Do not give a reason because this gives her the power to say she will pay you or do xyz when the reality is you simply want to stop the lifts. You will then either have to cave in or give another excuse. Remember she has managed when you have been off so she can continue to do so.

DirtyDancing · 27/01/2022 08:21

She's gone back on your agreement. I would be pulling my side of the bargain too.

Watch for fall out tho.. she may slag you off around d the office.. you'll look like the bad one. So get a good retort ready if you work place is a gossip haven

crochetmonkey74 · 27/01/2022 08:21

Definitely don't make up a lie about another thing you have to do as CF will likely just ask around it and you'll end up in a mess probably still taking her some days.

Maybe just a simple text saying "The lift share isn't working for me anymore- nothing personal- I just want more time to myself but please find alternative from Monday"
You could also remind of the money owed but be prepared to write it off