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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
Astrak · 29/01/2022 10:58

Ivykaty44 has given you an excellent template to rid yourself of this entitled woman.
Please use it and don't look back.
Don't enter into any discussion with her or anyone else.
Good luck. 👍

Pinkfluffyunicornsandrainbows · 29/01/2022 11:02

I was coming on to say just tell her you won't be giving her lifts anymore, don't make up any excuses it's just not going to happen and you don't Nedd to explain why. Good to see you have text her and your text sounds good, at least she won't be taking advantage of you anymore. I wouldn't like being tied to giving someone a lift all the time. If she's running late of a morning that could make you late, at the end of the day you may want to go shopping or sonewhere else after work but you're tied down taking her home. Her not thanking you is very rude, she got too comfortable and just expected it. Be free and please never offer regular lifts again!!

PurpleMauve · 29/01/2022 11:39

“No…why lie about long distance calls to family and friends…what a load of old rubbish that sounds, because it is. As is nonsense about learning a language or whatever else.

When people bullshit me, I KNOW and I’m embarrassed for them as well as pissed off they are taking me for a fool. So childish, so transparent, so self-serving.
In this case there is absolutely no need to lie…and some would argue that there’s not even any need to explain. Elaborate excuses are for people who lie as a matter of course. Not good.”

^This. People need to get a backbone and to stop letting other people take the piss.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 29/01/2022 11:46

What did she say, op?

sue20 · 29/01/2022 11:53

@SD1978

The thank you after months of travelling together, wouldn't bother me- I'd probably still say it, but I k ow when a friend and I used to car share we would juts chat and say goodbye at the end eventually. The money, different. I would be asking for a set amount up front, no money no lifts. That's taking the piss as I'm sure it's significantly cheaper riding with you.
Amount of money involved is a question? You would be paying that anyway and it’s good to reduce people driving solo. However you are actually driving which involves a bit of energy and attention whilst she’s having a lovely chauffeured ride. On this basis I would expect a continuing acknowledgment and thank you. Yes the money would be part of that. She sounds as though she hasn’t been raised with manners
bellalou1234 · 29/01/2022 12:03

Horrible I give someone a lift there and back to work. Worked on different wards, so quite often I was waiting around. She lived in the same area but it was out of my way, added extra time. I stopped being reliable, would text and say I can't bring you home ect. Or say I was starting later. Now the lifts are very occasion which is OK for me. She's found someone else to bum a lift off.

LookItsMeAgain · 29/01/2022 12:57

Good for you @strawberrylaces1.

Another option, as you've been off work for a week is to just drive yourself into work as you would have been doing prior to giving her lifts and if she was late on Monday, she's late but you were taking it that she was able to get to/from work on your week off without issue so that's how things are going to be from now on.

strawberrylaces1 · 29/01/2022 12:59

She replied saying no worries, thanks for the heads up. Quite looking forward to my straightforward commute on Monday! Thanks again for all the input and words of wisdom Smile

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/01/2022 13:03

Phew - quite a relief, OP!!

I'll admit I'm surprised since CF-ers like this don't always let go easily, but at least it's not your problem any more

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 29/01/2022 13:03

@strawberrylaces1

She replied saying no worries, thanks for the heads up. Quite looking forward to my straightforward commute on Monday! Thanks again for all the input and words of wisdom Smile
I'm relieved for you. Nobody needs the hassle in their lives.
pictish · 29/01/2022 13:18

Yay!

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/01/2022 13:18

Nothing about what she owes you

cherrypie66 · 29/01/2022 13:22

Stop doing it

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 29/01/2022 13:25

@Blondeshavemorefun

Nothing about what she owes you
I wonder if she's talked someone else into lifts in the interim and will now follow a similar natural history with them?
CherryPieface · 29/01/2022 13:28

Well done, what a great result. Enjoy Monday x

Beautiful3 · 29/01/2022 13:29

Yay, great update op!

cstaff · 29/01/2022 13:31

Nicely played op. I would still be on my guard on Monday for some awkward questions. Just remember some of the good replies from here. I am sure she knows that she is the one that has messed up by not paying you.

DGRossetti · 29/01/2022 13:48

I am sure she knows that she is the one that has messed up by not paying you.

I'd lay money she doesn't ....

JacquelineCarlyle · 29/01/2022 14:39

Well done Op!

AcrossthePond55 · 29/01/2022 14:55

@strawberrylaces1

She replied saying no worries, thanks for the heads up. Quite looking forward to my straightforward commute on Monday! Thanks again for all the input and words of wisdom Smile
Interesting she 'gave up' so easily. Sounds to me as if yours isn't the only bridge she's burnt. I expect within a week or two another colleague will be giving her lifts.
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/01/2022 15:39

Good for you. I'd be prepared for her to wait a bit and then still ask for lifts home. Have you calculated how much she owes for petrol?

Chig26 · 29/01/2022 15:59

YANBU and it’s probably invalidating your car insurance, ie you are acting like a taxi if she pays, I realise she has stopped but sorry I agree with others, she is taking you for a ride 🙈

Dontbeamugallyourlifesucker · 29/01/2022 16:42

3 times I have done this and 3 times I had this problem 😞(Yes I was a easy mug.. But No more!!!) why do people do this and take the piss out of people willing to leave early and pick them up and take them to work and back going out of there way and getting home later, and they can't even share the petrol money(not asking for extra towards the insurance /tax/mot/upkeep of the car etc).. I fucking wouldn't dare do this!.. Skanks the lot of them.. I do say No! to anyone asking now🙄

Batoutofhell70 · 29/01/2022 16:57

@Chig26

YANBU and it’s probably invalidating your car insurance, ie you are acting like a taxi if she pays, I realise she has stopped but sorry I agree with others, she is taking you for a ride 🙈
Not totally accurate You can accept petrol money but you can't make a profit.
Dontbeamugallyourlifesucker · 29/01/2022 17:01

59strawberrylaces1
So pleased it worked out for you ❤️ hope she struggles to get to work and back without your help.. These people have no shame! What a peaceful ride you will have to work in the future.. P. S not everyone is like this... My son has a car-share lift to work with a guy who has another 2 guys in the car(25 mile there and the same back Tuesday to Friday) and he pays £35 each Tuesday morning.. He thinks he has a bargain due to bus/tube prices etc.. No waiting in the rain at bus stops etc.. He is so greatful for the lift 🙂