To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

[strawberrylaces1]

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

[EmbarrassingHadrosaurus]

Ignore any replies she might send you.

They're colleagues so that might be seen as impolite. (I doubt the colleague would mention to other people that they'd stopped contributing petrol money.)

[Brideandprejudice]

"Hi CF, our arrangement isn't working so I'm going to travel solo to work in the future. See you in the office."

[HaggisBurger]

@2DogsOnMySofa

If you don't need the money I'd kiss it goodbye quietly. But I would stop giving her a lift. Just text

'Hi x, I won't be able to give you a lift to work any longer I'm afraid, happy to do it for the rest of the week but from Monday you'll need to sort yourself'

If she asks why, just say it's not working for you any longer

This! Don’t be making up excuses etc. This doesn’t work for me can be used to end just about every arrangement!

[SniffMyFeet]

@LAMPS1

Hi, I’ve been having a serious re-think about my commitments and my daily schedule and wanted to let you know I’m no longer able to continue your lifts to and from work after my period of leave finishes.

^this is perfect. I’d add though that you still owe me x amount for previous lifts as per the arrangement, please transfer it by x date as it’s a month (or whatever)overdue
Let her deal with any fall out and enjoy the solitude

[silverbubbles]

YANBU. The lack of thank you would annoy me as much as the money. She has become entitled.

Stop the lifts. You don't need this in your life. If you are bold enough to tell her she has been taking advantage of the situation then do it otherwise make up another reason and simply send a text saying you won't running the free taxi going forward.

[billy1966]

@ivykaty44

Message person

We had an arrangement with the car share, we use my car & fuel & you pay. If you don’t pay then the arrangements not going to work. If you haven’t paid by Saturday I’ll take it as the arrangements are terminated and not pick you up in future.

This.

But do you really want her in your car at all.

Saying thank you, is so basic irrespective of whether she is paying for petrol.

So basic.

After the second time she forgot, I would have said "you are welcome".

She owes you petrol money in full.

Do not allow her to make a fool of you.

[Grandville]

Yeah you owe her nothing.

[CounsellorTroi]

Do you have to pay for parking where you work? If so she should be contributing to that too.

[Bettysnow]

I would say "Sorry jane but i cant give you lifts anymore. This arrangement basically binds me in that i have to go straight home after work each day. The money helped with running costs which was the only reason i initially agreed however because you no longer want to do that then i would prefer to have the flexibility and freedom to go where i choose before and after work!"

[Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat]

Just say that you're not going to be giving her a lift going forward. You don't have to explain yourself.

You've mentioned the money a couple of times and she's completely ignored you. I really wouldn't worry about upsetting her. She's had a chance to cough up.

I genuinely believe that you tell people how you want to be treated by what you will and won't put up with. Most people who know me would know not to pull a stunt like this!

[Ragruggers]

Bad behaviour needs pulling up.Some people never learn.Do her a favour and tell her this behaviour is not acceptable.She hasn’t paid for the fuel and doesn’t even say thank you ,She’s totally using you.Then add from Whenever I will not be taking you to work.

[Owl55]

What did she do when you were on annual leave? How did she get to work then?

[PinkSyCo]

Actually the fact that she’s not even thanking you for the lift would piss me off more than the stopping of contributing to the petrol. Manners cost nothing after all, so just for that I would stop the arrangement. I would send a text telling her I’ve started to feel taken advantage of so it would be better if she made her own way into work from now on.

[Lordamighty]

It’s not a car share, you are giving her a free lift.

[starfishmummy]

I'm not clear as to whether you just want to stop or of you'd be OK carrying on of she pays you?

If the latter then tell her thst you would like the £amount of money she already owes you for lofts she had in months on Monday, plus ongoing regular payments every (week, month etc) or you will not be able to continue. Expect the argument that "you are going anyway so it's not costing you more" and have an answer ready. However I'd anticipate that she will not pay you what she owes abd have a strop so be firm!!

On the other hand if you want to stop the arrangement completely then tell her. But anticipate that you are not going to see any money.

[oldageblah]

Awkward yes, but you will feel better once she isn’t taking the mick every day!

Tell her now and put it out of your mind. SHE should be feeling guilty - not you. (In case you are).

[pilates]

"Hiya, just giving you the heads up that from Monday, I won't be able to continue with our lift share arrangement"
If she asks why just say it "no longer works for me" (because you haven't paid me for months and I feel taken for granted)
^
I think this is pretty good.

Also interested to know how she got to work while you were on annual leave?

[Electriq]

Well within your right to stop this arrangement, no reason even needed.
Just let her know from X date you can no longer take her.

If she asks just reiterate that you can no longer keep to the arrangement.

[notanothertakeaway]

If you don't want to give lifts, that's fine, and I don't think you need to give an explanation, but wanting more freedom/flexibility now that Covid restrictions have eased is a plausible reason that your colleague can't really argue with

But, having given lifts for several months, I think it's a bit off to leave your colleague in the lurch at such short notice. Better to give a week or two notice

[ElephantOfRisk]

The extra weight in the car means you are using more fuel. So it is costing you to take her and not just part of what it costs you anyway.

Unless it was a friend who I knew to be in hardship, i wouldn't do this for a relative stranger. You said you quite enjoyed the company and I guess you don't so much when you feel she is taking the pee.

You either need to have a frank discussion and an arrangement for payment up front or just ditch the arrangement. How would she get to work without you? presumably not free?

[Ilovelblue]

This has happened to me twice and you are definitely not being unreasonable! The first time was a short term arrangement and due to traffic jams on the route to work, I told her to wait on the main road about 5 mins walk from her house. The first time I pulled in to pick her up, she whinged so I said I'd take her home that night but couldn't do it after that.

The other arrangement was after somebody wasn't allowed to drive following a medical problem and I was asked if I could give her a lift home. Somebody else would bring her into the office each morning. It carried on for over 6 months and she never once offered money. I lived fairly close by and would probably have said it didn't matter (I quite liked the company initially) but it irked me that she never offered and was on a much higher salary than me. If I needed to do a supermarket shop en route home, she complained she didn't like that particular chain. Also if I wasn't going home and she would need to find an alternative lift, I would give her advance notice and she would demand to know where I was going!

I was unbelievably relieved when she got the ok to start driving again.

[Chely]

She agrees to contribute to fuel in advance or you don't let her in. CF

[thepastisanothercountry]

@Missey85

Your not a taxi stop giving her lifts!

She's not even a taxi - taxi drivers get paid.

YANBU OP. I don't drive and I'm always incredibally grateful if I'm given a lift or someone helps by dropping DCs from school if Im sick for example. I absolutely hate asking, try to minimise it and use public transport as much as I possibly can.

I always offer petrol money except to lovely lady who drives DS back maybe 2 to 3 times a term if I'm desperate and point blank said up front she'd not accept it and not to embarrass her by offering. Very rarely is the offer taken up and I wouldn't dream of not thanking someone. I'd hate to take regular lifts - I used to get up and walk for 40 minutes because I had to get to work before the buses started. Someone offered me daily lifts with similar arrangement to you but I politely declined although sometimes she'd phone if it was pouring with rain and insist. Kind people should not be taken advantage of IMHO.

Refuse lifts - she has to cut her cloth to fit her situation - she'll survive. If you're feeling generous offer to rinstate in about 6 months time - maybe say you can do it for a couple of weeks - she might actually appreciate you by then!!

[lurkingattheback]

Honestly, even if she agrees to pay, would you still want to take her? I wouldn't suggest if she pays you will continue, that would be so awkward and difficult to end.

[INeedNewShoes]

I'd go with pp's suggestion to just keep this simple.

A short text saying, something like 'just want to give you some advance warning that I won't be able to offer lifts to work any more. See you Monday'