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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
Sunbird24 · 27/01/2022 08:46

How has she been getting to/from work while you’ve been on annual leave?

BringMeTea · 27/01/2022 08:51

Oh God set yourself free! It will feel AMAZING! Bye bye rude using fucker!

Faevern · 27/01/2022 08:51

I would use this to make the break, don't lie they always come back to bite you. Inventing excuses creates a tangled web. How is she getting to work while you are off?

Just text and say that you are giving her advance warning that after your leave you will no longer be car sharing.

If you have come to rely on the money then you will have to manage without it somehow.

If she asks why just be upfront and say because you are taking me for granted (and have reneged on the agreement). It's like ripping off a plaster, nasty at the time but easier in the long run.

These lift arrangements very rarely work. In my example the person was stuck one night and I offered her a lift, she asked if I could make it regular and I said no I couldn't commit to that. However over a few months I sometimes offered her a lift when it was convenient or suited me. Even then she would sometimes be late at the pick up point, it didn't take long for that to piss me off so I just didn't offer.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 27/01/2022 08:53

What a horrible situation...whatever Op does is going to sour her relationship with colleague...colleague is taking the piss and needs to make her own way to work from now on.

LookItsMeAgain · 27/01/2022 08:56

Have a read of this post and especially the one from @Drinkingallthewine - it's one way to stop the lifts and the passenger really can't complain as they are still getting their lift home!

Would this be an option to you??

LookItsMeAgain · 27/01/2022 08:57

Feck!! I forgot to include the link to the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4345658-To-not-want-to-give-colleague-a-lift?msgid=110791121

TolkiensFallow · 27/01/2022 08:57

I think you are totally reasonable.

If she’s genuinely hard up I’d probably take her anyway if she was upfront about it as you are driving anyway and it’s a kind thing to do

BringYourOwnBoris · 27/01/2022 08:57

"Hiya, just giving you the heads up that from Monday, I won't be able to continue with our lift share arrangement"
If she asks why just say it "no longer works for me" (because you haven't paid me for months and I feel taken for granted).

dottydodah · 27/01/2022 08:59

I always find that these kind of arrangements never seem to work out very well! I would just text and say that you are unable to continue the arrangement . She is a massive CF! Just say it doesnt really work very well for you

DilemmaDelilah · 27/01/2022 09:01

I second @Underthestairsbears suggestion of not being available all the time. Have an early appointment, need to pop in to see your mum, want to go shopping after work. That kind of thing. If she suggests going with you just tell her it doesn't work for you and you want to do it on your own. Hopefully that will incentivise her to pay up or, if not, you can tell her you hadn't realised how much needing to pick her up has impacted on your freedom to do things for yourself and you are sorry but it just isn't working for you any more.

AdmiralCain · 27/01/2022 09:01

We Have a winner! You have inherited you're very own cheeker fucker...

Wheresthebeach · 27/01/2022 09:04

Personally I'd just bin it off. If you demand the money, she may cough up, and the cycle will continue, and you risk an atmosphere at work.

I think something along the lines as a pp suggestion 'too much of a bind for me' or a simple 'I won't be able to continue this' is the way to go. Don't tell her its about the petrol money, you'll only end up with an argument or strop.

MonicaGellerCleans · 27/01/2022 09:07

Fucking hell, what a cheeky cow! I'd have no problem at all telling her I wasn't giving her lifts anymore and exactly why. I couldn't care less if she fell out with me and slagged me off to colleagues about it. She wouldn't tell a bus or taxi company that she couldn't pay because she's saving for a holiday, yet thinks it's ok to say it to you! Cheeky arsehole!

RealBecca · 27/01/2022 09:08

"Hey, hope you're ok. Please can you pop over £X toy bank account by Friday night as I need to fuel up on Saturday for next week :)"

...insert bullshit response...

"Aw that sounds hard. Totally understand and sorry to make things harder but another friend has offered share and pay half the fuel and picking you and her up doesnt work out time-wise so from next week I'll be picking her up instead. Aorry this puts you in a tough spot but I hope you understand x"

Underthestairsbears · 27/01/2022 09:09

@Underthestairsbears

I think you need something to break the cycle to make it easier like "oh I can't as I'm popping to my Mum's before work today" and then the next day a Tesco run or gym or whatever. And then if she still has the cheek to ask you then you're going to have to spell it out.
Oooh and to add to this, you could absolutely be feeling your friend's cat for at least two weeks - before and after work! 🤣
SituationCritical · 27/01/2022 09:10

Like others have suggested, an advance text (I'd do Friday evening) saying that you won't be able to lift share anymore from next week. No apologies. If she asks why, say personal reasons. It is. You personally don't like being an unpaid taxi driver. "Personal reasons" makes it difficult for her to ask without being nosy and for her to be a bitch about it at work.

ScrumptiousBears · 27/01/2022 09:10

I got myself in a carshare thing years and years ago where me and someone at work did a day a week at college. She didn't drive so I gave her a lift never any offer of money or a thank you. One day I was in a car accident and the car got written off. I called her to explain I had no car and she asked me how she was meant to get to college now Hmm. When I got a new car I just never offered her a lift again and she never asked.

RightOnTheEdge · 27/01/2022 09:11

@LookItsMeAgain

Have a read of this post and especially the one from *@Drinkingallthewine* - it's one way to stop the lifts and the passenger really can't complain as they are still getting their lift home!

Would this be an option to you??

Haha! That post is brilliant! Grin

How has she been getting to work while you have been off work OP?
I think if you want to get rid of her completely just say it doesn't work for you anymore and don't get into explaining why too much.
If you say it's about the money she might pay you and then gradually let it slide again and you will be back in the same place in a few weeks/months.

SpilltheTea · 27/01/2022 09:12

She's taking the piss. I'd just text her to say you're not doing it anymore.

JellyfishandShells · 27/01/2022 09:14

@Mummyoflittledragon

She is all excuses and doesn’t care about you or your pocket. I know it’s hard. But why make excuses back?

At most ‘You asked me for lifts every day on the basis of sharing travel costs. As I’ve received no money the past month despite asking, I think it’s best if we both make our own way to work.‘

But you are perfectly entitled to just tell her you won’t be giving her a lift to work anymore and if she asks because it doesn’t suit you anymore, you don’t want to, she has reneged on the agreement or simply just because you won’t be doing it anymore.

I, too, don’t go with the suggestions of making up spurious excuses ( suddenly learning languages, making personal calls etc) as a reason to give this person.

It’s protecting their feelings when they have happily slipped into taking advantage of the OP. Those saying it might be because they are short of money after Xmas - the bus and rail don’t take that as an excuse for not paying their due.

Chilledchablis1 · 27/01/2022 09:15

I had this many years ago . Similar arrangement, paid first couple of months then stopped . I mentioned it and her response was “ well you are going this way anyway so why should I pay?”
The lifts stopped . She bad mouthed me all over the office and it was really awkward for a while.

Underthestairsbears · 27/01/2022 09:15

FEEDING not Feeling!!! Good grief!!!

LAMPS1 · 27/01/2022 09:18

Hi, I’ve been having a serious re-think about my commitments and my daily schedule and wanted to let you know I’m no longer able to continue your lifts to and from work after my period of leave finishes.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/01/2022 09:19

I'd in insist she pays you money she already owes and then say will only do it if she pays a month in advance.

karalou2 · 27/01/2022 09:21

Hopefully you'll have got the message loud and clear to put an end to this arrangement!
But regarding the thank you, I was brought up to believe it costs nothing to say thank you. After 30+ years of running my 4 children and their friends around none ever left the car without a thank you. Now, I'm unable to drive and when the family run me places, I never fail to thank them. Basic good manners...

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