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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH won't/can't get up.

373 replies

Mulberr663 · 26/01/2022 17:20

DH is a very deep sleeper who sleeps through alarms and could probably sleep through an earthquake. He works 4 nights a week but always gets his 8 hours in before a shift. This is also a problem when he's off work.

It has become my job to wake him up, the problem is I have to go back in 3 or 4 times before he actually gets up. I wake him, he responds, then as soon as I leave the room he goes back to sleep.

When I return he's wrapped himself back up in the quilt and changed positions.

It's easy to say leave him to it and don't bother but not waking him would impact the rest of the family, me, and also his job.

I've just been to get him up three times for his dinner as requested after he's had his 8 hours sleep.

He's not working tonight so after cooking, cleaning and caring for three children all day including 3mo baby.. I want a bloody break myself.

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 26/01/2022 17:21

Pour ice cold water on his head

SickAndTiredAgain · 26/01/2022 17:22

Take the quilt away with you?
Get an air horn?
Bucket of water?

But seriously, he must have coped getting up before he met you, why can’t he do whatever he did then?

Beamur · 26/01/2022 17:22

I'd pull the duvet off him and not leave the room until he had got out of bed. If he didn't want that he could get himself up. V lazy. He's not a child.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2022 17:23

What are you doing to wake him up?

APurpleSquirrel · 26/01/2022 17:23

Send in your children to wake him?

itwasntaparty · 26/01/2022 17:24

Leave him to it, he's an adult!

yellowbananasw · 26/01/2022 17:24

What would he do if you weren't there? He'd find a solution himself.

Tell him you aren't doing it anymore and he needs to figure out what he's doing to get up himself

I couldn't be married to an overgrown child like that. Bet if you divorced he could sort himself out.

Lancssss · 26/01/2022 17:24

I would stand over him until he gets up. Whilst reminding him how selfish he’s being and that he’s a parent not a teenager!

L40Postcode · 26/01/2022 17:24

Pull the quilt off him so he would have to get out of bed to wrap himself back up in it, and open the bedroom windows.

If he does then get out of bed to get the quilt and get back in and go back to sleep, then you know he’s being a lazy dick.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/01/2022 17:25

Er, it's only your job if you make it so.

You could send the older 2 DC in with him to play....

Soubriquet · 26/01/2022 17:25

Pull the duvet off!

AlDanvers · 26/01/2022 17:25

We got an Alexa.

Dp would often fall back asleep. I told him I wasn't his skinny or his mum and to sort himself out.

Now he sets 3 alarms on alexa.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 26/01/2022 17:25

I'm sure his mum is dead grateful she no longer has this task.

Jillybean13 · 26/01/2022 17:26

@Mulberr663

DH is a very deep sleeper who sleeps through alarms and could probably sleep through an earthquake. He works 4 nights a week but always gets his 8 hours in before a shift. This is also a problem when he's off work.

It has become my job to wake him up, the problem is I have to go back in 3 or 4 times before he actually gets up. I wake him, he responds, then as soon as I leave the room he goes back to sleep.

When I return he's wrapped himself back up in the quilt and changed positions.

It's easy to say leave him to it and don't bother but not waking him would impact the rest of the family, me, and also his job.

I've just been to get him up three times for his dinner as requested after he's had his 8 hours sleep.

He's not working tonight so after cooking, cleaning and caring for three children all day including 3mo baby.. I want a bloody break myself.

Take the duvet and anything else.
RampantIvy · 26/01/2022 17:26

DD has CFS and sleeps through alarms. Obviously shift working won't help, but could there be undiagnosed medical issues that cause him to sleep so deeply?

lakejupiter · 26/01/2022 17:27

I'm a really really really deep sleeper and don't have a partner. I rely on having to set two alarm clocks. I bought one made for deaf people that has a vibrating thing you out under your pillow. If I have to get a super early flight or something I have a wind up one I put on the opposite side of the room. Not his fault he's a deep sleeper (I have always been one and could sleep through absolutely anything) but it's his responsibility to figure out a solution that isn't your responsibility

Original poster
Mulberr663 · 26/01/2022 17:27

As much as I'd love to pour water on his head he would be livid and I don't fancy him sulking for the next three days.

To wake him I give his arm a shake, tell him it's dinner time / time to get up.

What would he do if I weren't here? Lose his job, miss appointments. Seriously.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 26/01/2022 17:28

Plus if he works 4 nights a week, there should be ample time on at least one of the other 3 days for him to be the main carer of DC while you do your own thing for a few hours. Find a hobby out of the house and go and do it.

As well as your 'day off' you should also be able to fit in a walk or run either before he goes to bed in the daytime or when he gets up in the afternoon.

Of course, working nights is hard and he needs his rest, but he sounds like he does have that bit covered.

forlornlorna · 26/01/2022 17:28

I'd tell him how embarrassed you are for him still needing a mommy at his age

Warmduscher · 26/01/2022 17:28

You need to ask him whether he sees it as a problem. If he doesn’t, leave him in bed and make him learn the consequences of his actions. If he doesn’t care, there’s your answer as to why he doesn’t get up. I couldn’t stay with such a man-child.

SickAndTiredAgain · 26/01/2022 17:29

What would he do if I weren't here? Lose his job, miss appointments. Seriously.

So is this a new issue? Or has he always had someone to wake him - did he live with his parents before living with you?

Original poster
Mulberr663 · 26/01/2022 17:29

@RampantIvy

DD has CFS and sleeps through alarms. Obviously shift working won't help, but could there be undiagnosed medical issues that cause him to sleep so deeply?
Not that I'm aware of no but it's possible, he wouldn't see a doctor anyway so we'll never know.
OP posts:
violetbunny · 26/01/2022 17:30

Does he usually sulk if you do something he doesn't like??

CUL8Rmasturbator · 26/01/2022 17:30

My husband works nights and this was a problem for a while. It was driving me to tears of rage some days when he flapped around getting ready for work and blaming me for not waking him when I'd done so a dozen times. In the end, I put an Alexa in our room and sent announcements to it, played music on it etc at increasing volume. It worked and I wasn't frazzled for the rest of the evening

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 26/01/2022 17:30

What would he do if I weren't here? Lose his job, miss appointments. Seriously.

So what happened before he lived with you? Did he just sleep all the time and never go to work?