DH won't/can't get up.

[Mulberr663]

DH is a very deep sleeper who sleeps through alarms and could probably sleep through an earthquake. He works 4 nights a week but always gets his 8 hours in before a shift. This is also a problem when he's off work.

It has become my job to wake him up, the problem is I have to go back in 3 or 4 times before he actually gets up. I wake him, he responds, then as soon as I leave the room he goes back to sleep.

When I return he's wrapped himself back up in the quilt and changed positions.

It's easy to say leave him to it and don't bother but not waking him would impact the rest of the family, me, and also his job.

I've just been to get him up three times for his dinner as requested after he's had his 8 hours sleep.

He's not working tonight so after cooking, cleaning and caring for three children all day including 3mo baby.. I want a bloody break myself.

I had a SO like this.
I just left him to it (and absolutely fizz with rage)
If we had something planned and he wouldn’t get out of bed I went alone.
He would then be all pity party about it that he missed it.
TOUGH SHIT
No he didn’t have any medical issues he was just a lazy soab

@Tunnocks34

How unattractive. Nothing worse than a man you have to baby.

Honestly if my husband couldn’t wake himself up to get to work on time I’d leave him.

No suggestions for you I’m afraid. I hope he stops being such a selfish arse and you get the break you deserve.

I agree with this. I mean, I know that some people find it harder to get up than others and working odd hours has to be difficult, but he's a grown man with responsibilities, and yet he's not taken any steps to solve the problem. I just couldn't be a part of that.

The Alexa needs to go on mute, so he has to get out of bed to turn it off...
Or other alarm he physically has to get up to turn off.

Sounds like he doesn't actually have any problem hearing you. The problem is getting up, being an adult and co-parenting his children.
He is CHOOSING not to do these things.

It is very unattractive yes.

He was hoping to DTD tonight which would have been the first time since having the baby, that has gone out of the window for him as any desire I might have had has been killed stone dead.

I hope he feels well rested after his mammoth sleep.

I've told him in royally pissed off about it, he did apologise but I'm not receptive at the moment because it's such a long standing issue and saying sorry isn't going to change anything.

I reminded him that this was an issue long before he worked nights because DSD' mum told me as much. His response was to justify that by saying "Yes but that was when I had to get to work for 6 o clock in the morning"

So he can't get up to work nights, can't get up to work early mornings either

I’m the same. The only solution I’ve found is to have a loud alarm in another room. It’s actually been a life changer for me, before I was always running late in the morning because I would prioritise sleep over absolutely everything.

Put his phone near his ear and ring it

several strong (caffeinated) tea or coffee - they act as a diuretic
Dh still thinks I am being considerate
Am I heck!
alternatively put radio/alexa on & get the dc to sing to it & vacuum the stairs (put the vacuum on & leave it)

Get one of the alarm clocks for deaf people with a vibrating pad that shakes the bed.

[quote SecretDoor]So is there a medical problem here?

Does he have sleep apnoea?
Does he fall asleep when he sits down in front of the TV etc
Can he/you score him on the Epworth sleep scale linked below.

Is he diabetic? Large fat abdomen and associated insulin resistance making his blood glucose level elevated and causing drowsiness

www.blf.org.uk/support-for-you/obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa/diagnosis/epworth-sleepiness-scale[/quote]
That's what came to my mind too. Well worth considering doing this op.

Well, if we’re going for a vote then I vote for ‘Shooting a Nerf gun up his arse’. Second vote goes to ‘telling him he’s a grown ass man and needs to sort himself out because you’re not doing it anymore’. Guaranteed he’ll be late for work once - maybe twice at a push. He’s only doing behaving like this because he’s let you take the mental load. He doesn’t have to worry about it because now it’s your job to worry about it.

DH was like this and found too much caffeine and sugar made it much, much worse.

He only drinks 2 cups of coffee in the morning now and it has definitely improved things.

His attitude is awful. He should be actively trying to find ways to sort himself out rather than just making you put up with it and throwing out empty apologies.

He needs to lose the energy drinks altogether.

Attach an electrode to his bollocks and put a current through it, then he will have something to sulk about.

Staggering that you and every other woman in his life is enabling this man child.

Pull the duvet off, open the window wide, spray ice cold water in his face. Leave the room. Job done.

Amazing he gets to impregnate you and leave you with all the work but he can’t be bothered to get up. Pathetic. Doesn’t sound very loveable frankly.

Why are you bothered if he sulks for three days anyway? It’s time he grew up and joined the adult world.

He sounds lazy. Has he never lived alone?

Stop enabling him.

He does need to sort out a way to get himself up, he's not a child. However, struggling to wake is a thing - for years and years, whenever I had to wake up to an alarm it felt like I'd been drugged. Ten snooze buttons later I might finally manage to stay conscious long enough to get out of bed. As I've got older it has got much less pronounced and I don't miss it! People don't believe it's real - they just think you're a lazy cow.

Has he tried a vibrating pillow alarm?

@Wheresmywoolyjumpers

Get one of the alarm clocks for deaf people with a vibrating pad that shakes the bed.

This made me chuckle because it's bonkers that I'd even need consider things for disabled people - for a perfectly able bodied man.

That sounds v interesting though and I'm going to google it now.

Does he usually sulk if you do something he doesn't like??

Oh come on, I'm sure you'd sulk if someone poured ice-cold water on your head. That's a normal thing to be pissed off about for the day.

@SecretDoor

He scored 11 on that screening test, but puts it down to the fact he's a night worker.

He's now moaning saying he hasn't got sleep apnoea he's probably just sleep deprived over the course of the years. He gets more bloody sleep than I do.

@toppkatz

Put the light on, rip the bedclothes right off and open the window wide.

If you have to go up again, take a saucepan and a metal spoon with you. Bang the thing as if your life depended on it.

Send the kids in with saucepans and spoons? Repeat every single time.

@Mulberr663, yes, bonkers for sure but impossible to sleep through!

Can I just say though, he actively chooses to work nights and do this to himself and me because I'm sure he could easily switch to days with enough notice. Several of his colleagues have transitioned from nights to days and vice versa.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I'm sure his mum is dead grateful she no longer has this task.

Haha!! It sounds ludicrous having to wake a grown man as if he's 13. ''Get up, you lazy git!'' should do it.

I got a megaphone when my son couldn't get up for school and I'd come to the end of my tether shouting at him to get up. Worked a treat.