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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH won't/can't get up.

373 replies

Mulberr663 · 26/01/2022 17:20

DH is a very deep sleeper who sleeps through alarms and could probably sleep through an earthquake. He works 4 nights a week but always gets his 8 hours in before a shift. This is also a problem when he's off work.

It has become my job to wake him up, the problem is I have to go back in 3 or 4 times before he actually gets up. I wake him, he responds, then as soon as I leave the room he goes back to sleep.

When I return he's wrapped himself back up in the quilt and changed positions.

It's easy to say leave him to it and don't bother but not waking him would impact the rest of the family, me, and also his job.

I've just been to get him up three times for his dinner as requested after he's had his 8 hours sleep.

He's not working tonight so after cooking, cleaning and caring for three children all day including 3mo baby.. I want a bloody break myself.

OP posts:
SecretDoor · 26/01/2022 18:30

So is there a medical problem here?

Does he have sleep apnoea?
Does he fall asleep when he sits down in front of the TV etc
Can he/you score him on the Epworth sleep scale linked below.

Is he diabetic? Large fat abdomen and associated insulin resistance making his blood glucose level elevated and causing drowsiness

www.blf.org.uk/support-for-you/obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa/diagnosis/epworth-sleepiness-scale

JSL52 · 26/01/2022 18:30

He won't lose his job - he'll sort something out.
Tell him you'll wake him once then leave him.

girafferafferaffe · 26/01/2022 18:31

My h was like this. (It was to do with his adhd though)

I refused to wake him anymore as it made me feel like his mum. And I relied on him to be involved in the morning before school run/work. I told him this and then started to actually left him in bed. We would leave the house without him. He didn't like that at all. So now he gets up.

Simonjt · 26/01/2022 18:31

My husband is a very deep sleeper as well, he does however wake up if you call his name, so his alarm ‘tone’ is his name being called.

Phineyj · 26/01/2022 18:31

I was going to say sleep apnoea too.

Peoniesandpeaches · 26/01/2022 18:33

My ex had this problem and no Alexa on this earth would resolve it. He had tried everything. The issue was that while I thought he was properly awake since he was responding to me he wasn’t really. I needed to shake his arm and speak to him. I’d then give him a couple of minutes with me stood there to make sure he was fully, fully awake and moving before I left. Doing it right the 1st time while annoying saved me time and frustration in not having to do it multiple times.

Szyz2020 · 26/01/2022 18:33

Get a very old fashioned alarm clock (the type with a bell on the top) or a super loud one. Set it for 2 mins after you’ve woken him up, leave it on the other side of the room. Leave room. Do not return. Ideally you* want something that makes an insanely loud noise and won’t stop until touched.

  • When I say you I mean him but sadly this is clearly seen as your issue to solve and nothing whatsoever to do with him at all.
Original poster
Mulberr663 · 26/01/2022 18:34

I wonder if it has anything to do with all the energy drinks he has, that he is clearly addicted to.

He drinks them regardless of whether he's working or how much sleep he's had. He was drinking them daily during pat leave.

I know they wreak havoc with his stomach.

Then again his ex had the same problem with him long before he worked nights so I just don't know.

OP posts:
UghFletcher · 26/01/2022 18:36

OP it's nothing to do with energy drinks, medical issues or the like.

You have stated that he has either had his parents, his ex, and now you to wake him up. He is a lazy toad.

Leave him asleep. Stop enabling him. If he loses his job, tough. It's the consequences of his actions.

Shoxfordian · 26/01/2022 18:37

He sounds like a loser

Original poster
Mulberr663 · 26/01/2022 18:38

@UghFletcher

OP it's nothing to do with energy drinks, medical issues or the like.

You have stated that he has either had his parents, his ex, and now you to wake him up. He is a lazy toad.

Leave him asleep. Stop enabling him. If he loses his job, tough. It's the consequences of his actions.

I agree with you but losing his job affects the entire family. I can't afford to carry him until he finds another.
OP posts:
Original poster
Mulberr663 · 26/01/2022 18:40

It's time for a serious talk about this when he gets up. I'm going to insist he puts the Alexa in the bedroom on the other side of the room and sets a very, very loud alarm.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2022 18:48

Leave him asleep. Stop enabling him. If he loses his job, tough. It's the consequences of his actions.and what happens to op and her three kids when he has no job?

Glad you're talking to him tonight op and telling HIM to sort it. If you still end up going up, I'd go in, open the curtains and take the duvet with you. If you have a toddler, let them loose

Penguinsmum · 26/01/2022 18:49

His man child behaviour would make my fanny clamp shut! And I am a very reasonable person!

thewhatsit · 26/01/2022 18:53

There are people who have this issue with waking, I know.. but I thought there were various technological solutions these days.
I lived with someone once who had one of the special alarms you can buy for heavy sleepers, it was like a fog horn and she had it just outside her bedroom so she had to actually get up to switch it off. I think she listed me once a few of the things she’d tried. Sounded pretty awful for her actually.

Good idea about the Alexa.

BoodleBug51 · 26/01/2022 18:56

DH has got a sleep disorder. He shuffles and fissles about until 4am when he finally goes into a decent sleep. Hence he often sleeps through his alarm at 7am. I just leave him there. He's been late for clients, late for work but that's on him, not me.

He's had medication from the GP, a sleep clinic referral and he completely ignores all the advice he's been given. So if he doesn't give a fuck, why should I?

Sorry but you're just enabling this.

Sideswiped · 26/01/2022 19:00

@Mulberr663, enable 'Star Trek Red Alert' and set it to full volume. There is no way he can ignore that. (To even snooze it you have to bellow at the top of your lungs! Grin

PraiseTheSunshine · 26/01/2022 19:00

That sounds so annoying and it's not fair on you to have the responsibility for getting him up. I'd get him one of these www.amazon.co.uk/Geemarc-Sonic-Bomb-Shaker-Version/dp/B000OOWZUK?th=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 26/01/2022 19:03

OP it seems like you're ignoring every bit of advice given to you and are making excuses.

Yes if he loses his job it affects you and DC. That's his responsibility. If he's willing to lose his job by choosing to be a lazy twat, then leave him.

toppkatz · 26/01/2022 19:04

Put the light on, rip the bedclothes right off and open the window wide.

If you have to go up again, take a saucepan and a metal spoon with you. Bang the thing as if your life depended on it.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 26/01/2022 19:05

I agree with you but losing his job affects the entire family. I can't afford to carry him until he finds another.

I understand that, but he's not going to learn unless there are consequences that affect him. At the moment, you wake him and stop anything bad from actually happening.

He won't lose his job because he's slept in once. So don't wake him the next time and let him deal with an angry boss and let him get him written up at work for his attendance.

One this starts to actually negatively impact his life, he might actually start getting his arse out of bed on time.

CeleriacOfTheNight · 26/01/2022 19:08

God, well done for putting up with that shit but rather you than me. Sounds awful.

RandomMess · 26/01/2022 19:09

He's addicted to the energy drinks.

VelvetChairGirl · 26/01/2022 19:11

shoot him up the arse with a nerf gun

Original poster
Mulberr663 · 26/01/2022 19:14

@WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky

OP it seems like you're ignoring every bit of advice given to you and are making excuses.

Yes if he loses his job it affects you and DC. That's his responsibility. If he's willing to lose his job by choosing to be a lazy twat, then leave him.

I'm not ignoring advice, purely mentioning my concerns about how his lack of getting up affects us.

I've left him to it and he can stay there until I'm ready to go to bed myself at which point he can get out and spend the night by himself.

See my previous post where I also said I was going to insist he takes the Alexa into the bedroom and sets a loud alarm.

OP posts: