DH won't/can't get up.

[Mulberr663]

DH is a very deep sleeper who sleeps through alarms and could probably sleep through an earthquake. He works 4 nights a week but always gets his 8 hours in before a shift. This is also a problem when he's off work.

It has become my job to wake him up, the problem is I have to go back in 3 or 4 times before he actually gets up. I wake him, he responds, then as soon as I leave the room he goes back to sleep.

When I return he's wrapped himself back up in the quilt and changed positions.

It's easy to say leave him to it and don't bother but not waking him would impact the rest of the family, me, and also his job.

I've just been to get him up three times for his dinner as requested after he's had his 8 hours sleep.

He's not working tonight so after cooking, cleaning and caring for three children all day including 3mo baby.. I want a bloody break myself.

Send the kids to bounce on him!

[quote Cyberworrier]@NeverDropYourMooncup
What would you recommend in this situation? Do you think the OP should leave her partner to sleep through his alarms and potentially get into trouble at work? Do you agree with the posters who say he needs to see a GP?
If you have similar problems waking up, quite interesting to hear your perspective. [/quote]
GPs may say something different to men, but I just got told there's nothing to be done about it as I maintain great sleep hygiene, don't have OSA and have everything possible set up to try and get me to sleep in the first place and then to wake me up in the morning. And yet I still sleep through lights, vibrations, sound right in my ear or have the half waking where I have vague memories of an alarm going off but no idea if it was thirty seconds ago or a couple of hours.

What I can say though is that all the suggestions of water, light, no bedding, kicking up the arse, noises loud enough to cause hearing damage and suchlike are all things I have experienced. They were favourite methods of abuse for my mother and my ex, both whom enjoyed the lights on at 3.37am quilt off, screaming, throwing things around and smacking me in the face. With the result that it's even harder for me to go to sleep in the first place because bed is not a safe place and I drop straight into deep sleep from exhaustion. These days, I am wiser and would leave anyone who tried those techniques on me.

I'd be happy if I could have a permanent prescription of amphetamines so I never needed to sleep again (but I know it doesn't actually work like that). I hate sleeping. It's a waste of my life and it's horrible waking up.

But, in the meantime, the least traumatic days are when DP brings up a mug of hot black coffee and then leaves me the hell alone for 30-45 minutes to get my head together; I don't enjoy anybody speaking to me before I'm leaving the house at 6.30am and not at all if I've overslept and can't handle TV, radio or anything else that takes more of my attention or energy than getting ready, out and on my way to work.

My Dad worked nights and was a heavy sleeper. My mother would send my sisters and myself up and we could jump all over the bed and yell at him to get him up. It’s one of my fondest childhood memories.

It’s become your responsibility to make sure he actually gets up hasn’t it. How annoying !
It’s a shame you can’t pop out to the shops and let him over sleep a couple of times, but it’s not easy with three kids at home.

Hmm is this the future and your DH is my son..?

Why is this your problem? He's a grown man.

Of course he's not doing anything about it as he's been enabled for all his life. Why would he go to the doctor? Just let everyone else deal with the stress.

There might be an underlying medical issue but he's acting like a total manchild either way.

Water spray and duvet off. Then leave him to get up.
If he does sulk then so be it.
He’ll be late for work. He had to grow up at some point.

Buy a few cheap alarm
Clocks or get him to set multiple alarms on his phone, 2 mins apart

Doing night shifts must cause havoc though

Buy a few cheap alarm Clocks or get him to set multiple alarms on his phone, 2 mins apart

Why do people post things like this, 300 posts in to a thread, long after the conversation has moved on??

I can't believe the amount of people who think chucking or spraying water over someone is OK. It's assault.

I have CFS and I sleep through alarms. The only thing I’ve found that helps is a daylight alarm clock, like this kind of thing:
Deal: Lumie Sunrise Alarm - Sunrise Wake-up Alarm, Sunset Sleep Feature, Sounds & Mood Lighting www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07GB2MMK5/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_dl_TSETCRV8PPKBF5474WXS?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

And what he’s doing to the OP is emotional abuse - so overall it’s pretty much a shit show. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@NatashaBedwouldbenice

Buy a few cheap alarm Clocks or get him to set multiple alarms on his phone, 2 mins apart

Why do people post things like this, 300 posts in to a thread, long after the conversation has moved on??

Maybe because not everyone has time to read 300 posts?

Get him to agree that he will sit up, feet on glokf and then shuffle off to make coffee. It's unreasonable to expect you to struggle.

Next night he’s not in work don’t cook. Tell him you are exhausted and going for a nap and ask him to call you in an hour and that you would appreciate if he’d make dinner. It sounds like he’s used to having his needs pandered to and forgets you are working to. A new baby is a full time job.

Two things Op
I work 13 hour nights shifts and whilst my colleagues on occasion have been known to sleep in, it’s very uncommon. I’m able to be home at 10am and be up and about at 4pm
Secondly, DH is also a nightmare with sleeping He’s either not sleeping at all or has slept right though. He’s often hit OFF instead of SNOOZE or forgot to set it entirely. I feel your panic at him getting sacked over it - should you let him deal with the consequences at work? Or just bloody keep waking him ? I’ve let him sleep on , once or twice and yes he did get a bollocking. But I’ll say - he hasn’t done it in a while now … so maybe it worked?
He also refused to ever watch the baby at nights incase he didn’t sleep well or slept in, and I did 9 months myself, in true fear of him sleeping through and loosing his job.
Nealry killed me and I hated and resented him for it.
Plenty of people do nights or have families and get places on time.
I’d start stashing money and tell him you’re not waking him up, your not making his dinner and if he looses his job- you’ll be out the door. I had to pretty much say this to DH.
I hope since you posted, and he’s apologised, he’ll make an effort.
Best of luck , you’re not alone.

Maybe because not everyone has time to read 300 posts?

With all due respect, if people don’t have time to read all the contributions - or even get a flavour for them - why do they think everyone else needs to read what they have to say?

And why do the too-busy-to-read people always post something so startlingly obvious that it’s inevitably been posted many times already…? 🤔

I reminded him to set plenty of alarms because I won't be his alarm clock today, he said he has.

He's due up in an hour so we shall see what happens.

@Mulberr663

I reminded him to set plenty of alarms because I won't be his alarm clock today, he said he has.

He's due up in an hour so we shall see what happens.

Good for you OP. He has to learn, like the child he is!

@Mulberr663 let us know.
I’ll be pissed off for you if he sleeps in AND if hes magically is able to get up…

My ex used to be exactly like this. He has unmedicated ADHD, and it transpired a raging drug problem.

Maybe because not everyone has time to read 300 posts?

It’s arrogant to think such brilliance hasn’t already been thought of though, and rude to not least read the OP’s posts.

And is he up?

Well well well, he's awake.

I heard the alarm going off for a good 5 minutes without being snoozed.

DD then went in and said "wake up" and he responded straight away.

Kids are playing up now which soon got his arse out of bed.