DH won't/can't get up.

[Mulberr663]

DH is a very deep sleeper who sleeps through alarms and could probably sleep through an earthquake. He works 4 nights a week but always gets his 8 hours in before a shift. This is also a problem when he's off work.

It has become my job to wake him up, the problem is I have to go back in 3 or 4 times before he actually gets up. I wake him, he responds, then as soon as I leave the room he goes back to sleep.

When I return he's wrapped himself back up in the quilt and changed positions.

It's easy to say leave him to it and don't bother but not waking him would impact the rest of the family, me, and also his job.

I've just been to get him up three times for his dinner as requested after he's had his 8 hours sleep.

He's not working tonight so after cooking, cleaning and caring for three children all day including 3mo baby.. I want a bloody break myself.

I genuinely cannot work out why you are with this man. He seems to have zero respect for you.

Wonderful, your DD is going to be well trained soon too.

Check he's not diabetic

Could he have sleep apnea? it can be problematic enough to make it difficult for a person to wake properly as they haven’t really rested. Might be worth him speaking to his GP, with a view to be tested at his local sleep clinic.

First step, OP, go you. Ignore all the posters who say you need to spray water / buy alarm clocks / r3cord crying baby sounds / remove the duvet etc etc. YOU do not need to do anything. He needs to sort himself out. He has proved he’s quite capable.

Keep us posted!

Wtf, I work nights, on my last night I get up at lunchtime, then have a normal day & go to bed at night as normal.
He is not pulling his weight at all is he. He needs to get up, absolutely ridiculous carry on.

Working on training the next generation of female alarm clocks. Yay!

Its so unsexy and ridiculous that he cannot will not get up on his own and spends no time with any of you. What kind of relationship is that? What are you both teaching your children about hpw relationships work? Medical issues my arse. He is just bone idle.

@NeverDropYourMooncup this sounds very much like ADHD to me. Have you ever considered this? Women tended to get overlooked as kids and there's a huge increase in awareness now. I was diagnosed at 38 - it was life-changing. Hope it's food for thought.

Similarly, OP, I haven't read all the posts here and see there may be lots of other issues with DH, but re the not being able to get up, could well be signs of undiagnosed ADHD too. If there are any other issues that also raise alarm bells, think about talking to DH about asking for a referral from the GP. It isn't being a child, it's a disability, and when it's undiagnosed and you don't KNOW it's a disability it's even harder to manage. Once you know, you can understand and you can find tools that help.

Glad he got up, keep it up and kets see if he'll continue getting up without you doing it. I do feel for you though my DH used to work shifts, screwed his sleeping pattern up for ever sadly.

@AnnieSnap
Quite a few posters have suggested he sees a doctor
The op has repeated said he refuses to

My apologies, I hadn’t had time to read through the whole thread when I posted.

No physical obvious health conditions whatsoever.

Diabetic v unlikely - wouldn't he be very ill if he went undiagnosed all of his life? He has always been this way, but also always had good health too.

Sleep apnoea I do wonder about now because he snores terribly to the point I struggle to share a bed with him when he's off. I could start a whole other thread about that bit.

He has tried nasal sprays, chin straps, different pillows, a silicone ring contraption that sits on the nose and nothing made any difference. He puts it down to working nights and being exhausted.

@Tallisimo

First step, OP, go you. Ignore all the posters who say you need to spray water / buy alarm clocks / r3cord crying baby sounds / remove the duvet etc etc. YOU do not need to do anything. He needs to sort himself out. He has proved he’s quite capable.

Keep us posted!

The OP may not have physically done anything this time. But her daughter did.

He’s well and truly got the females of the house servicing his needs.

How did he keep on top of things before he became dependent on you?

@Forsure69
His father and his ex did the job 🙄

He could have delayed onset sleep disorder as he sounds very much like me i would suggest he gets a sleep study done. Even if you took my cover i would still fall back to sleep. I have found the best thing is a white light box to sit in front of when i first get up. Hope this helps

One thing that might make a fundamental difference is cutting out energy drinks. The stimulants may be causing his energy to crash.

But that is his problem not yours.

Sleep apnoea would make him wake up a lot, that doesn’t seem to be the problem, altho it’s worth checking out.

@RampantIvy

DD has CFS and sleeps through alarms. Obviously shift working won't help, but could there be undiagnosed medical issues that cause him to sleep so deeply?

I was going to mention this too. I have CFS and waking up at 7am feels like I'm being woken up at 2am. No matter how hard I try my body isn't rested so I resist it!

I thought ADHD too. But on reading more of the OP's posts, it sounds more like he just assumes people will wake him.

I have ADHD as do 2 of my kids and we've all found ways to make sure we wake up for work. DS is 16 with pretty severe ADHD - I've watched him sleep through loud alarms. He's worked out how to get himself up at 6.45am every day without relying on anyone to wake him.

That was a reply to LizzieLookAtTheFlower...

I'd do the cold water.

If its "my job" I'll don't "my way"

Dont like it the take responsibility for yourself.

My vagina literally recoiled when I read that you shake him awake gently. Repulsive needing to be mum and lover.

Any update OP? Have things improved since you expressed your annoyance to him?

he wouldn't see a doctor anyway so we'll never know

Leave him to sleep then, if he won't help himself.