To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:28
I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.
I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.
We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.
We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?
brightgreenapple · 26/01/2022 16:30
Comedycook · 26/01/2022 16:32
2-3k on baby clothes is ridiculous if you have a baby. I never spent anywhere near that on my babies. You are being very unreasonable I'm afraid.
FionnulaTheCooler · 26/01/2022 16:32
£2-3 k on clothes for a not yet existant baby is a waste of money, babies really don't need that many clothes and grow out of them so fast.
gobbledygoook · 26/01/2022 16:32
Honestly I think YABU!
£1k on baby clothes per year, and you don't have children? I'd be concerned about this behaviour in my DH, so I can see why your partner is concerned.
WhyYesYABU · 26/01/2022 16:32
You can spend your money on what you want and if you have separate finances then he has no say, but I do think spending £3k on baby clothes before being pregnant is batshit.
RussianSpy101 · 26/01/2022 16:33
YABVU. Just because others have children with without considering the costs and saving for them, doesn’t make it a good idea.
YABVU to of spent £3,000 on a child you do not have. If it will take you 30 months to save £25k you shouldn’t be spending £3k for the sake of it.
Dubgirl1212 · 26/01/2022 16:33
You need to stop buying baby clothes but your SO needs to relax too. If everybody waited until everything in their life was 100 percent perfect nobody would have children.
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 26/01/2022 16:33
Yes that's unreasonable, bordering on obsessive.
MooSakah · 26/01/2022 16:33
I think you have enough baby clothes now
YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie · 26/01/2022 16:34
2-3K on baby clothes is not a minor issue. Op I think in the kindest way you might benefit from some therapy. I totally get the longing for dc. Many people will relate to that. But this isn’t normal or healthy. Are you hoping that by buying all this it’ll change his mind? My real, living almost 3 year old hasn’t had anywhere near that much spent on her clothes. What on earth are you buying??
gogohm · 26/01/2022 16:34
I didn't spend £3k in total, mine are adults!
emmathedilemma · 26/01/2022 16:34
You are being ridiculous! £2-3k on baby clothes when you're not even pregnant is insane. Even if you had a baby that's a crazy amount of money. What will you do if you can't conceive? You're setting yourself up for some serious heartache.
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:35
Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.
RagzRebooted · 26/01/2022 16:35
AdriannaP · 26/01/2022 16:35
Yabu - that’s a huge amount for a baby especially as you are not even pregnant. You won’t know if you are having a winter or summer baby for example. Clothes bought 3 years ago can also look dated in a few years. It’s better to stop now and revisit your clothes when you are actually pregnant.
I loved buying baby clothes but haven’t spent a fraction of that on my children.
RussianSpy101 · 26/01/2022 16:35
What a ridiculous thing to think.
WhyYesYABU · 26/01/2022 16:35
Also why £50k? Is it an emergency fund or a specific child fund? We sent DD to private school and that seems such a random number. Enough for about 3-5 years for one child depending on where you are in the country. Or is it for mat leave? And if you're not sharing finances what will be the arrangement with Maternity/paternity leave and childcare costs.
Grinnypiggy · 26/01/2022 16:36
I spent £30ish on baby clothes for the first two weeks, then the gifts started pouring in. DS hasn't needed to buy anything else and he's 4 months now. We've likely got enough to clothe him until he's 9 months or so.
So you're likely to be given so much stuff that your future baby will never wear most of what you've bought, or what you're gifted.
RagzRebooted · 26/01/2022 16:36
If one item is £30 you must have over 100. That's crazy.
Clymene · 26/01/2022 16:36
I think you need to talk to your GP. Spending thousands on a baby that doesn't exist is not normal.
MooSakah · 26/01/2022 16:36
You won't know what size any baby would need in summer or winter. And there's only so many clothes one baby can wear.
Please be kind to yourself. I think you might need counselling.
Boomboomackalackalackaboom · 26/01/2022 16:37
Firstly because tastes change. There are things I see DC wearing in photographs, & I remember dressing DC in, but there are different things available now that I would choses if I were to have a baby now. Clothes I see today make the things DC have on look old fashioned.
Secondly you could spend several years saving but find your fertility levels have dropped/you split up/ one of you changes your mind about having DC then all those clothes will be is a pile of heartache.
Ceramide · 26/01/2022 16:37
I think the clothes buying might indicate some anxiety or obsessive tendencies. I understand why you are doing it, but if it is having a negative impact on your finances and relationship, it might be time to seek some help from a counsellor or your GP. Don't beat yourself up, it is likely to make things worse.
SummerHouse · 26/01/2022 16:37
DS is 12. I doubt that I have spent 3k on cloths in his lifetime.
Thesearmsofmine · 26/01/2022 16:37
I didn’t spend that much on baby clothes and I have 3 children! Honestly OP that isn’t normal behaviour and I would be concerned about you.
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