To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

[somegirlontheinter]

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

[brightgreenapple]

YABU

[Comedycook]

2-3k on baby clothes is ridiculous if you have a baby. I never spent anywhere near that on my babies. You are being very unreasonable I'm afraid.

[FionnulaTheCooler]

£2-3 k on clothes for a not yet existant baby is a waste of money, babies really don't need that many clothes and grow out of them so fast.

[gobbledygoook]

Honestly I think YABU!

£1k on baby clothes per year, and you don't have children? I'd be concerned about this behaviour in my DH, so I can see why your partner is concerned.

[WhyYesYABU]

You can spend your money on what you want and if you have separate finances then he has no say, but I do think spending £3k on baby clothes before being pregnant is batshit.

[RussianSpy101]

YABVU. Just because others have children with without considering the costs and saving for them, doesn’t make it a good idea.

YABVU to of spent £3,000 on a child you do not have. If it will take you 30 months to save £25k you shouldn’t be spending £3k for the sake of it.

[Dubgirl1212]

You need to stop buying baby clothes but your SO needs to relax too. If everybody waited until everything in their life was 100 percent perfect nobody would have children.

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

Yes that's unreasonable, bordering on obsessive.

[MooSakah]

I think you have enough baby clothes now

[YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie]

2-3K on baby clothes is not a minor issue. Op I think in the kindest way you might benefit from some therapy. I totally get the longing for dc. Many people will relate to that. But this isn’t normal or healthy. Are you hoping that by buying all this it’ll change his mind? My real, living almost 3 year old hasn’t had anywhere near that much spent on her clothes. What on earth are you buying??

[gogohm]

I didn't spend £3k in total, mine are adults!

[emmathedilemma]

You are being ridiculous! £2-3k on baby clothes when you're not even pregnant is insane. Even if you had a baby that's a crazy amount of money. What will you do if you can't conceive? You're setting yourself up for some serious heartache.

[somegirlontheinter]

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.

[RagzRebooted]

@WhyYesYABU

You can spend your money on what you want and if you have separate finances then he has no say, but I do think spending £3k on baby clothes before being pregnant is batshit.

Yeah, this.

YABU

[AdriannaP]

Yabu - that’s a huge amount for a baby especially as you are not even pregnant. You won’t know if you are having a winter or summer baby for example. Clothes bought 3 years ago can also look dated in a few years. It’s better to stop now and revisit your clothes when you are actually pregnant.

I loved buying baby clothes but haven’t spent a fraction of that on my children.

[RussianSpy101]

What a ridiculous thing to think.

[WhyYesYABU]

Also why £50k? Is it an emergency fund or a specific child fund? We sent DD to private school and that seems such a random number. Enough for about 3-5 years for one child depending on where you are in the country. Or is it for mat leave? And if you're not sharing finances what will be the arrangement with Maternity/paternity leave and childcare costs.

[Grinnypiggy]

I spent £30ish on baby clothes for the first two weeks, then the gifts started pouring in. DS hasn't needed to buy anything else and he's 4 months now. We've likely got enough to clothe him until he's 9 months or so.
So you're likely to be given so much stuff that your future baby will never wear most of what you've bought, or what you're gifted.

[RagzRebooted]

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.

If one item is £30 you must have over 100. That's crazy.

[Clymene]

I think you need to talk to your GP. Spending thousands on a baby that doesn't exist is not normal.

[MooSakah]

You won't know what size any baby would need in summer or winter. And there's only so many clothes one baby can wear.

Please be kind to yourself. I think you might need counselling.

[Boomboomackalackalackaboom]

YABU.

Firstly because tastes change. There are things I see DC wearing in photographs, & I remember dressing DC in, but there are different things available now that I would choses if I were to have a baby now. Clothes I see today make the things DC have on look old fashioned.
Secondly you could spend several years saving but find your fertility levels have dropped/you split up/ one of you changes your mind about having DC then all those clothes will be is a pile of heartache.

[Ceramide]

I think the clothes buying might indicate some anxiety or obsessive tendencies. I understand why you are doing it, but if it is having a negative impact on your finances and relationship, it might be time to seek some help from a counsellor or your GP. Don't beat yourself up, it is likely to make things worse.

[SummerHouse]

DS is 12. I doubt that I have spent 3k on cloths in his lifetime.

[Thesearmsofmine]

I didn’t spend that much on baby clothes and I have 3 children! Honestly OP that isn’t normal behaviour and I would be concerned about you.