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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

565 replies

somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:28

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:47

@WhyYesYABU

Also why £50k? Is it an emergency fund or a specific child fund? We sent DD to private school and that seems such a random number. Enough for about 3-5 years for one child depending on where you are in the country. Or is it for mat leave? And if you're not sharing finances what will be the arrangement with Maternity/paternity leave and childcare costs.
It’s a starting fund for everything really including mat leave for a few months, I hope to return to work ASAP otherwise we’ll be struggling for money
OP posts:
BobHadBitchTits · 26/01/2022 16:48

This is a joke, right?

This has to be a joke.

Youdoyoutoday · 26/01/2022 16:48

That's a point!
Have you even bought all different sizes?

Chickychoccyegg · 26/01/2022 16:48

That is a very large amount of money to spend on clothes for a (non existent) baby, honestly I doubt I've spent 3k between all 3 of my dc, even if you sold them, you wouldn't get anywhere near your money back, as style's and colours come and go out of fashion, and most people don't spend £30 on one little outfit for every day use.
If your that broady, maybe you should consider having a baby sooner? Or as mentioned above speak to a gp about this, as its not normal behaviour

RosieRoww · 26/01/2022 16:49

In my opinion it's more sensible to save those money- for the future, ( nursery furniture, pram, child care, school fees) then spend it on the huge amount of baby clothes.

GreyGoose1980 · 26/01/2022 16:49

I realise everyone has different amounts of support but I’m pregnant and have been given so many nice baby hand baby clothes that it would have been so crazy for me to have spent 2-3 k. Also people from relatives to work colleagues are likely to give you clothes as gifts once the baby is due / born so you’ll get both new and second hand ones. I think YABVU - I’d be saving to enable myself to TTC sooner rather than spending on clothes at this stage.

grey12 · 26/01/2022 16:49

@FionnulaTheCooler

£2-3 k on clothes for a not yet existant baby is a waste of money, babies really don't need that many clothes and grow out of them so fast.
This

Is this real?....

Mummytobe93 · 26/01/2022 16:49

No offence @somegirlontheinter but you will certainly struggle with money with your spending habits.

Now I’m starting to understand where your partner is coming from …

How about start saving all the clothes money so you can save up quicker and start trying for a baby sooner.

GreyGoose1980 · 26/01/2022 16:49

*second hand

CecilyP · 26/01/2022 16:50

You really aren’t saving money by front loading this. You have spent way more than most families who already have a baby. When you do have a baby they probably won’t wear half of it. I can understand buying one or two exceptionally cute items, but 2-3k is crazy behaviour.

newmum2be101 · 26/01/2022 16:50

@BobHadBitchTits

This is a joke, right?

This has to be a joke.

This 👆

This post is one of the strangest things I've read in here in a long time.

Puffflashpuffflashbang · 26/01/2022 16:50

You will never be "ready" for a baby - trust me.
It sounds as though you're already financially stable enough to provide for a baby if you can afford to spend 3k on clothes for a non existent child.
3k is a ridiculous amount on baby clothes, let alone when you aren't pregnant. It's very odd behaviour. They won't wear half of it, and god forbid you have any problems conceiving, you've got 3 thousands pounds worth of reminders that you likely won't be able to shift.
You won't get even half of that money back if you need to Sell it.

Your partner is correct and you need to stop, it sounds as though it's becoming a real problem.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 26/01/2022 16:50

YANBU to buy baby clothes before you're pregnant. YABU to spend 3k when you're meant to be saving, that's an extortionate amount of money. You don't spend 30 quid on a pair of dungarees unless you're made of money, chances are they'll wear it once and get shit/sick on it.

dorkfink · 26/01/2022 16:50

We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring

what does this even mean?

I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years,

The odd item, whatever but 1k a year!! Crazy

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 26/01/2022 16:51

What sizes are all these clothes in?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 26/01/2022 16:51

This is £3k you could have put in savings so you would be £3k nearer having a baby or buying a house.
This is absolutely crazy!

Original poster
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:51

@Mummytobe93

No offence *@somegirlontheinter* but you will certainly struggle with money with your spending habits.

Now I’m starting to understand where your partner is coming from …

How about start saving all the clothes money so you can save up quicker and start trying for a baby sooner.

Yes I do have a slight problem with spending money generally. It’s a big case of the lifestyle creep. I grew up poor and didn’t have much at all. I now have so much and I love spending it although the rate at which I spend is not wise.
OP posts:
Twizbe · 26/01/2022 16:51

Think you're better spending that 3k on making sure you can take a longer maternity leave, save on the cost of childcare.

Take the clothes back that you can. Sell the rest.

MooSakah · 26/01/2022 16:52

Please store them carefully so a moth doesn't get in and put holes in them

grey12 · 26/01/2022 16:52

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.
You will NEVER recoup that money.... with luck maybe half of it

OP you need to speak to your GP.... this is a problem, like or not

Goldi321 · 26/01/2022 16:53

How do you know what season you need to buy each size for? I’m 34 weeks pregnant and still only have a handful of clothes for the baby because we just won’t know about sizing until they are here!

Ceramide · 26/01/2022 16:53

This has to be a joke.

Or the OP might actually be in genuine need of some help. There are certainly some psychological issues which can result in this type of behaviour, mostly common and treatable.

Usernamqwerty · 26/01/2022 16:53

£3k!? Whaaaaat? Our budget for everything (clothes, equipment, everything) for our first baby was £2k and we ended up spending half of that due to getting second hand / vouchers / gifts. Then used most of it again for the second baby.

Please stop buying clothes. You are very unlikely to get even some of that back as baby clothes depreciate so much in value and the second hand market is saturated. Around here, second hand kids clothes (ages 2-3 years upwards) you will get maybe £1 an item (more for coats) but baby clothes even less than that. Really not worth it.

Keep some of it if you want. Try and sell the rest but keep the tags on and you might get something for it on eBay.

dorkfink · 26/01/2022 16:53

It’s a starting fund for everything really including mat leave for a few months, I hope to return to work ASAP otherwise we’ll be struggling for money

This doesn't even make sense. Why do you need 50k for mat leave but also need to return to work asap.

Soulsoph · 26/01/2022 16:54

Wow. Halfway through my pregnancy and haven't bought a single thing. Not a piece of clothing or any baby product. Yabu