To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

[somegirlontheinter]

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

Just read your posts - you’ve obviously been mindful and taken in the suggestions

I do hope it has helped you prepare for what’s ahead
For what it’s worth - I would focus on bringing the start date sooner … cut down some of the aspirations on your to do list

35 is old
And remeber that a mother is born when a baby is. I know that sounds trite but it is more meaningful than that

I had a massive practical to do list and plan before settling down. So sensible
Made me feel confident
When I had my baby , I just sat down , 3 months later and ripped up all my work promotion plans and careeer plans

Not that it was irrelevant but it was just not what I wanted anymore

And to clarify

The spending may be crazy but you will surely be a great mum

Wishing you much luck and joy

Tbh you shouldn't be spending that much on baby clothes even before you are even pregnant! I am with your partner on this. Plus you don't know how big or small your baby will be or what time of the year they will be born...and yes that matters as some kids are too big to fit in normal clothes and summer clothes can't be worn in winters and vice versa. And babies grow out of clothes so soon! that £30 dungree set will be only worn maximum twice before they outgrow it. Leave it till you have the baby and then people will gift you good clothes. Don't buy them yourself. As for the first few months I don't think anyone should buy new clothes for day to day use. They get pooped and vomited on and last only two to three months before babies out grow them. You could have saved that money for when you needed later. You need to control your spending now. Children are expensive.

This sounds crazy. What is the point I'm even buying clothes when you don't even know what size they will be in what season? You can sell them but for a fraction of the price you paid.
Also, where are you storing all this?
Your partner is right saving for your current goals should be your priority.

I'd donate some to domestic violence refuges as some women leave with nothing but the clothes on their backs. If you have duplicates of outfits, donate the extra set and keep one.

It's hard when your brooding, I myself bought a maternity dress. I used to put it on and sit in the house, I never got pregnant and now its too late. Try to resist looking, you probably have enough now anyway xxxx

That's crazy. i

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-10460621/Cara-Delevingne-reveals-manifesting-having-baby.html

Well Cara D is not all right in the head either - think everyone knows that :) she’s still super cool though

I don’t understand why people are giving you a hard time OP. It is just an expensive hobby. Perhaps get a doll to wear the clothes for now - assuming they are similar sizes. Then it is less “strange”.

I think you sound very sweet and like a lovely person. Longing for a baby is a very real thing. Biologically you are at the age where that is entirely normal. However, our capitalist society has certain expectations as to what makes financial sense etc. and you are being sensible to wait.

I had my children quite early and whilst it was nice to have teens young, I do wish I had travelled more before. With multiple kids in tow, it is extremely expensive and one has to be more mindful of more adventurous places. There are pros and cons to everything.

@Adastraperaspera surely you can see the irony in indulging in an expensive baby related hobby while bemoaning that it's going to take ages to save up enough to actually have the baby?

@Adastraperaspera

I don’t understand why people are giving you a hard time OP. It is just an expensive hobby. Perhaps get a doll to wear the clothes for now - assuming they are similar sizes. Then it is less “strange”.

I think you sound very sweet and like a lovely person. Longing for a baby is a very real thing. Biologically you are at the age where that is entirely normal. However, our capitalist society has certain expectations as to what makes financial sense etc. and you are being sensible to wait.

I had my children quite early and whilst it was nice to have teens young, I do wish I had travelled more before. With multiple kids in tow, it is extremely expensive and one has to be more mindful of more adventurous places. There are pros and cons to everything.

@Adastraperaspera - even when I was at an age where biologically I longed for a baby (soon got over that stage!) I wouldn't have spent loads of money on baby clothes for a baby I didn't have! Luckily I had friends who had babies who I indulged instead.

Suggesting a doll to the OP to wear the clothes is even more nuts, unless OP collects or wants to collect dolls. It's not like OP would treat the doll as her real baby is it?!

If OP really wants a baby she needs to look at finances and get on with it. DB and his DW have a 3 year old and so does SIL's sibling - most expensive items I heard someone say was nappies and childcare!

Spending 2-3K on baby clothes which are for a not yet here baby when the money could go into savings for the baby is bonkers, which I said before.

I am taking up for the OP because I think she has been treated unfairly on here. I do not think she is crazy one bit and I think her spending is harmless and her replies are very reasonable and insightful.
Many people have spent money on stranger things during the pandemic.
People have moved across the country, acquired pets, spent tons on booze, cigarettes etc. She could have bought 2 Chanel bags or 3 Mulberry bags etc
If my mum told me she was so excited to have children before she could have them that she bought lots of lovely outfits for me rather than handbags or booze for herself, I would be touched and think that was kind and I would feel loved.

@Adastraperaspera

I am taking up for the OP because I think she has been treated unfairly on here. I do not think she is crazy one bit and I think her spending is harmless and her replies are very reasonable and insightful. Many people have spent money on stranger things during the pandemic. People have moved across the country, acquired pets, spent tons on booze, cigarettes etc. She could have bought 2 Chanel bags or 3 Mulberry bags etc If my mum told me she was so excited to have children before she could have them that she bought lots of lovely outfits for me rather than handbags or booze for herself, I would be touched and think that was kind and I would feel loved.

She'd be better saving up for the here and now IMO! Bringing forward a time where financially they'd be in a position to have a baby.

I think you’re a bit batshit.