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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

565 replies

somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:28

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Giraffesandbottoms · 26/01/2022 16:37

I’m in two minds: on one hand how will you save up enough money to have the children if you keep spending it? On the other hand if it makes you happy it’s pretty harmless. But I also spend an insane amount on my children’s clothes and bought a few things after I was told I was infertile, to make myself feel better that one day I would have a baby (and then thankfully I fell pregnant and could use them). Only a few things though!

KatherineofGaunt · 26/01/2022 16:37

£2-3k just on baby clothes? I don't think I spent that much on DS when he was on his way/newborn, including a cot, changing table, travel system etc.

I bought his first going home outfit for about twenty quid and the rest of his clothes were gifts and hand-me-downs.

YABU to spend so much and to spend so much when you don't currently plan to get pregnant. Save your money for your education and house or even just save it because you "need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school".

Mummytobe93 · 26/01/2022 16:37

I don’t agree with your partner’s obsessiveness regarding saving certain amount before starting a family, but I understand this might give him sense of security for your future family.

What I can’t understand is spending £2-3k on baby clothes before getting pregnant when you’re suppose to be saving money? Totally bonkers.

Getting pregnant can take months, years it might not happen at all. If you’re that broody you’re should speak to your partner about starting a family sooner rather than later.

Comedycook · 26/01/2022 16:38

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.
In the kindest way, I suggest you seek help Flowers
Teaforme123 · 26/01/2022 16:38

I think you have a problem to be honest. What an absolute waste of money. I'd be annoyed too.

WhyYesYABU · 26/01/2022 16:38

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.
Dungaree set? Those fiddly clothes are the ones you will completely ignore in favour of easy onesies when you're doing a few changes of clothes a day...
FelicityBob · 26/01/2022 16:38

Why are you spending money on a baby instead of having a baby? You say you want to save but you’re spending it? Makes no sense.
The amount you’ve spent on clothes is obscene, babies do not need lots of expensive clothes
Bat shit crazy springs to mind

AlDanvers · 26/01/2022 16:39

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.
2nd baby clothes do not sell for anywhere what you paid for them.

If I were your partner I would be pissed off that you were buying loads of pointless items (because the baby, when it comes won't wear them all), that you were keeping, whilst you are meant to be saving.

But I would, kindly, be worried about your mental health

firstimemamma · 26/01/2022 16:42

£2k on baby clothes is insanity. I don't know anyone ourselves included who has spent more than £200. Also people don't really save to 'feed them and send them to school etc' that's just done as you go. This is just crazy and most likely a wind up.

Youdoyoutoday · 26/01/2022 16:42

Lol!! Babies aren't toys to dress up!

You know babies grow at lightening speed so will probably not wear half this stuff because you'll probably end up forgetting you have it, the amount of clothes you'll probably be gifted and the fact that all they really need are baby grows especially if you have a winter baby.
£30 for one outfit is also quite ridiculous, you'll never get your moneys worth out of this stuff.

Foldinthecheese · 26/01/2022 16:43

It’s worth noting that baby clothes, even new with tags, do not sell well secondhand. There’s a massive surplus because babies get through them so quickly, so that £30 dungaree set may be worth a fiver when you decide to sell it on. You might have to end up giving it away.

I understand the temptation because I felt the urge when I was broody, but the fact is that there will always be cute baby clothes. Maybe not the ones you see now, but other cute ones when your time comes. I think you need to think carefully about whether or not you’re really happy in your relationship and if you two have the same priorities.

MsAgnesDiPesto · 26/01/2022 16:43

I think you should look for some help for this compulsion - it really isn’t usual and is quite unhealthy.

You will be tormenting yourself with the things you have if it turns out you can’t have children. I suffered a large number of losses and have never managed to have children. I was given a beautiful handmade baby blanket by someone very close to me when I was pregnant the first time, but lost the baby at twelve weeks. Having it caused me great agony over the course of my long struggle with infertility, and in the end I had to give it away because of the effect it had on me. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I’d bought all the clothes my child would ever need in advance.

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 26/01/2022 16:43

When you do have a baby, you will see how ridiculous it is to spend £30 on one pair of dungarees for them to be covered in sick and shit. £2-3k is a crazy amount OP, I think you need to stop

CrowFriend · 26/01/2022 16:44

Baby hunger is a terrible and powerful thing. I’m sure you know, at some deep level, that YABU. But I get it, you are desperate to invest in your/baby future.
Step away from buying baby clothes or indeed any of the paraphernalia ….
The best way is to invest in yourself ( get fit and strong, ready for pregnancy and childbirth if it happens in due course), and absolutely invest in your relationship with your DH. The stronger you are as a couple the better it will be for you and any baby you may have.
I really sympathise OP - there’s millennia of evolution behind us driving that baby hunger.
But buying baby clothes now is ever so slightly nuts.

mrsbitaly · 26/01/2022 16:44

Can I just say how well organised you are. I know people will say its over the top but you have clearly thought it through.

I would stop spending £30 on items though you will learn very quickly how fast they grow and how fashion changes and its not always practical dependant on age with them being in cute little outfits.

To a degree you are robbing yourself of the excitement of when it does happen.

Save your money especially for childcare if you plan to go to work as that's what can be a hit

Enjoy the moment when it's time.

But seriously well done you!!

betwixtlives · 26/01/2022 16:44

Is this a joke? You might not even have a baby and you won’t get back anywhere near what you’ve spend by reselling it

BreakfastClub80 · 26/01/2022 16:44

YABU

I’m not surprised your SO is worried about your spending habits as this is quite a lot of money to spend on baby clothes (regardless of whether you already have a baby or not). It sounds like he is doubting whether you two will achieve your savings plans, rightly or wrongly, and in his mind this might mean he will start to question whether you can afford a child.

cadburyegg · 26/01/2022 16:45

I thought you were going to say you'd bought a couple of cheap babygrows! 3k on baby clothes!!!!

YABU. Save the money instead. You wouldn't get your money back by selling them either

RosieRoww · 26/01/2022 16:45

Wtf, that's a ridiculous amount of money- how long do you think the baby clothes will lasts till the possible baby grow out of it?
It's a matter of months.

crazyjinglist · 26/01/2022 16:45

Wtf? Sorry OP, but that is completely bonkers! I'm not surprised your partner is unimpressed - what a ludicrous waste of money!

Santahasjoinedww · 26/01/2022 16:45

Yabu to assume you can even get pregnant

Imagine the strain further on your mh if you can't conceive and have a house full of baby stuff.

Allpenguinsarepingus · 26/01/2022 16:45

I think people who think you’re insane for spending 2-3k have never sat down and added up how much baby and children’s clothes actually cost. If you buy the bare minimum from primark it wouldn’t cost this much. If you have all the clothes a baby would need for the first 3 or 4 years (I’m assuming you’ve got a good variety of sizes) from slightly more expensive shops then it’s easy to spend that kind of money. I do this too but I have a child already. But I have a coat ready for him for next winter and another for the following two winters. I’ve got enough pyjamas for the next 3 years. I also see it as front-loading the cost. I’ve also bought a few things for my newt baby who is just a plan at the moment. Be careful though OP. It sounds like you’ve got some time to wait still and nothing left to buy? It’s easy to end up with more than you need. Switch to toys? And second hand is always a good idea.

Giraffesandbottoms · 26/01/2022 16:46

Can we have more clarity on the age range of the clothes? Like is it just 0-6 months or have you bought 0-3 years or something?

Thedogscollar · 26/01/2022 16:46

You are both imo way overthinking this. Spending £3k on baby clothes is ludicrous.

If you are both bickering about the baby and how much it will cost before you even have one then I can't see things improving when a real baby is with you.

Babies are born into all levels of financial stability and instability.
Yes it's good to plan ahead but your planning is on a whole other level.

KurtWilde · 26/01/2022 16:47

@FelicityBob

Why are you spending money on a baby instead of having a baby? You say you want to save but you’re spending it? Makes no sense. The amount you’ve spent on clothes is obscene, babies do not need lots of expensive clothes Bat shit crazy springs to mind
This sums it up pretty well.