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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

565 replies

somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:28

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
WTGN · 26/01/2022 16:54

Is this a genuine post? Confused

AlDanvers · 26/01/2022 16:54

Yes I do have a slight problem with spending money generally. It’s a big case of the lifestyle creep. I grew up poor and didn’t have much at all. I now have so much and I love spending it although the rate at which I spend is not wise

So it's not just the clothes. You are incompatible when it comes to money. Which is a huge cause of problems in relationships.

I couldn't be with someone whose spending was so frivolous.

Original poster
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:54

@Giraffesandbottoms

Can we have more clarity on the age range of the clothes? Like is it just 0-6 months or have you bought 0-3 years or something?
Mainly clothes between 12-36 months. Barely any below 12 months. Not all baby grows and such but what I think are very nice, timeless pieces. Anyway it’s all dumb now lol
OP posts:
Giraffesandbottoms · 26/01/2022 16:55

How do you know what season you need to buy each size for?

This is a very, very good point! Lots of baby clothes are utterly useless if they aren’t for the correct season!

JanuaryPinks · 26/01/2022 16:55

If you want to have a baby ASAP then surely you’d be better saving the cash so you can reach your (arbitrary) baby savings goal sooner? Aren’t you just shouting yourself in the foot by spending it?

As others have said you will unfortunately find that a high proportion of the clothes you’ve bought will be unsuitable - wrong season, wrong size, wrong gender, wrong style, not practical etc etc. You’ve no idea what your child will be like and when they will be born so it’s impossible to predict accurately what you’ll need and in what sizes, or the quantities. It’s also difficult to imagine how annoying it is to dress a small baby in the kind of “outfits” that cost £30. When the time comes you will just want sleepsuits, trust me.

If I were your partner I’d be pretty concerned and annoyed. Though it sounds like he’s in no rush so I’m surprised he’s not encouraging the habit as all it’s doing is delaying the point where you might actually have a real child.

mugoftea456 · 26/01/2022 16:55

I'm not going to pile on, you've already had lots of similar comments to what I am thinking.

I would strongly suggest some therapy. It really isn't typical to do this.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 26/01/2022 16:55

First of all let's be very clear - YABU and very irresponsible. I've had children and I didn't spend 3K on clothes for them between birth and starting school let alone on baby clothes. It's an absolute waste of money.

I don't blame you for wanting to buy things. The shops are always full of adorable baby things - I often stop and admire them and wish I had a baby to buy for. I'm always delighted when a friend or family member has a baby because it's an excuse to buy something cute! And the shops will still be full of cute things next year and the year after that. You are kidding no-one pretending this is an economy. This is pure and simple broodiness.

What really matters here is why you are buying this stuff. Anyone who is buying and hoarding things they don't need has underlying issues. IMO they are trying to fill a hole in their life or feed a hunger. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that the hole in your life is baby shaped. That's understandable. Your body clock is ticking away and you wonder if it will ever happen for you. Sadly buying unneeded baby clothes isn't going to fill that hole.

There is a Spanish saying " a baby brings a loaf of bread under its arm' meaning that when a baby comes the family will find the means to take care of it. Obviously in some cases of extreme fecklessness or poverty that isn't the case but that isn't the issue with you and your partner. You are clearly clued up and financially responsible and when you eventually have children you will cope.

I was like you once. we didn't even try for children until I was 30 and we were 100% certain we were financially ready. When our first child was born I had perfect budgets for everything. Then a recession hit. DH had to take three consecutive pay cuts, interest rates rocketed so our mortgage payments soared. My budgets were shot to shit but guess what? We got by. We ate beans, we bought second hand clothes for DC, we sold our car and didn't have holidays. But we had a lovely family. We adjusted our expectations and enjoyed what we had.

Stop spending money buying things you don't need and focus on preparing yourself for the future by making your careers and home as stable as they can be. When the children come you will cope even if your plans go adrift.

Original poster
somegirlontheinter · 26/01/2022 16:55

@AlDanvers

Yes I do have a slight problem with spending money generally. It’s a big case of the lifestyle creep. I grew up poor and didn’t have much at all. I now have so much and I love spending it although the rate at which I spend is not wise

So it's not just the clothes. You are incompatible when it comes to money. Which is a huge cause of problems in relationships.

I couldn't be with someone whose spending was so frivolous.

I’m glad I have an understanding and supportive partner then
OP posts:
RampantIvy · 26/01/2022 16:56

This is utterly bonkers

Forfamily123 · 26/01/2022 16:56

The block to you having a baby is money. The longer you waste money like this the longer you will have to wait to have a baby.
3K on baby clothes is a ridiculous amount.

riotlady · 26/01/2022 16:56

Why would you need to return to work early if you have 50k saved up? It sounds like you have a lot of money but a very flimsy grasp on your finances

But yes spending 3k on baby clothes is mad, whether the baby exists yet or not!

Blueysmom · 26/01/2022 16:56

Don't take this the wrong way op but I think therapy would be a better investment.

You're probably inadvertently heaping pressure on your relationship and sex life doing this. I'd be surprised if your dp isn't creeped out tbh

ToykotoLosAngeles · 26/01/2022 16:56

I'm not saying I'm in agreement with throwing caution to the wind and having babies one cannot afford at 29, but what on earth sort of background are you both from where you think you need £50k in the bank first? Which means not even starting to TTC until 35?

If you have been together since you were 18 and definitely want a child, or two even, waiting until 35 may mean that you'll be looking at 8-10 years before you have a physical baby who can wear any of this stuff.

AlDanvers · 26/01/2022 16:56

I am guessing your spending is also the reason your dp wants plenty of money put away, for if you do have a baby. I presume he is concerned you will still spend loads of money and it will become a struggle.

Hugasauras · 26/01/2022 16:57

So you have plenty of money to afford it but need to save X amount to have kids, need to move house and need to return to work quickly after mat leave? Which is it? Confused

missmumma · 26/01/2022 16:57

In the nicest possible way, I think you need help

HTH1 · 26/01/2022 16:58

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.
They won’t be worth much second hand, even with tags. I had two babies and spent nothing like the amount you have on baby and toddler clothes (or possibly even till now when they’re pre-teens).

Babies grow out of clothes really quickly and this is a monumental waste of money even if you had a money tree in your garden.

elbea · 26/01/2022 16:58

@Usernamqwerty It depends what you are buying, you can easily sell some baby clothes for basically what you paid for them if you are getting sought after brands I.e bonds, boden, little white company. I’ve even sold a used bonds sleep suit for double the price new on eBay. You’ll never get anything near your money back buying things like M&S, H&M, supermarket clothes

AlDanvers · 26/01/2022 16:59

I’m glad I have an understanding and supportive partner then

Except your op states that he isn't understanding or supportive of this waste of money....so it appears he is losing patience.

BobHadBitchTits · 26/01/2022 16:59

A colleague and his wife started buying baby clothes before they even started trying. They were spending £50 a time on trainers for a baby that didn't exist!

Eight years later they're divorced and they're both still childless.

lakejupiter · 26/01/2022 16:59

I'm TTC actively at the moment and my savings are going towards maternity leave (way less than 50k lol). I'm not understanding why OP will need to return to work due to lack of funds despite saying they are well off and planning to save 50k. The baby clothes thing makes me really sad - 3k would cover two months of maternity leave comfortably for me. I would advise just starting TTC - you have no idea how long it will take and if you want a baby then just go for it. Also you may want to use some of your savings for fertility treatment if you need it.

Twizbe · 26/01/2022 16:59

Do you and your partner plan to marry? Do you need money for that as well?

Santahasjoinedww · 26/01/2022 16:59

What if you buy summer clothes and have a winter baby? My ds was prem. We had nothing. And his stuff that he eventually grew into was way off weather appropriate!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/01/2022 16:59

Why are you waiting til you have 50k in savings til you have a baby?

Howshouldibehave · 26/01/2022 17:00

You can’t really have timeless lasting pieces for babies-they all end up covered in tomato stains!

It sounds just bizarre that you have been together for 11 years, planning children etc and have only saved £5000, yet have spunked £3000 on clothes for a fictional future baby!

What are the professional qualifications you need to do? I’d be getting those done asap to increase your earning/saving potential. It sounds like you have a real spending problem.