To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

[somegirlontheinter]

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

@Giraffesandbottoms

How do you know what season you need to buy each size for?

This is a very, very good point! Lots of baby clothes are utterly useless if they aren’t for the correct season!

This!

My first was born in the middle of summer, I got so many lovely summer things gifted that didn't fit him until the middle of winter when he couldn't possibly wear them.

But then as you are so organised maybe you have already planned when your baby will be born??

@Everydaydayisaschoolday

First of all let's be very clear - YABU and very irresponsible. I've had children and I didn't spend 3K on clothes for them between birth and starting school let alone on baby clothes. It's an absolute waste of money.

I don't blame you for wanting to buy things. The shops are always full of adorable baby things - I often stop and admire them and wish I had a baby to buy for. I'm always delighted when a friend or family member has a baby because it's an excuse to buy something cute! And the shops will still be full of cute things next year and the year after that. You are kidding no-one pretending this is an economy. This is pure and simple broodiness.

What really matters here is why you are buying this stuff. Anyone who is buying and hoarding things they don't need has underlying issues. IMO they are trying to fill a hole in their life or feed a hunger. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that the hole in your life is baby shaped. That's understandable. Your body clock is ticking away and you wonder if it will ever happen for you. Sadly buying unneeded baby clothes isn't going to fill that hole.

There is a Spanish saying " a baby brings a loaf of bread under its arm' meaning that when a baby comes the family will find the means to take care of it. Obviously in some cases of extreme fecklessness or poverty that isn't the case but that isn't the issue with you and your partner. You are clearly clued up and financially responsible and when you eventually have children you will cope.

I was like you once. we didn't even try for children until I was 30 and we were 100% certain we were financially ready. When our first child was born I had perfect budgets for everything. Then a recession hit. DH had to take three consecutive pay cuts, interest rates rocketed so our mortgage payments soared. My budgets were shot to shit but guess what? We got by. We ate beans, we bought second hand clothes for DC, we sold our car and didn't have holidays. But we had a lovely family. We adjusted our expectations and enjoyed what we had.

Stop spending money buying things you don't need and focus on preparing yourself for the future by making your careers and home as stable as they can be. When the children come you will cope even if your plans go adrift.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply with this. I wish I could end the thread after your post. I totally agree with you. I see mums all the time, with kids of all ages not just babies, and I desperately long to be them just for a little bit! I feel like it’s so far away for me because I’m not where I want to be in my career, I’ve got exams to pass and whatever else to plump up my CV. Sometimes it feels like I’m drowning in my professional life and I never have time for my own life. I don’t think I can realistically live my life as an adult until I’m mid 30s onwards. I can’t change my career either because it would be huge step backwards. I love spending money, it makes me happy. I’m so looking forward to the day that I can have my own family and that’s all thats really getting me through at the moment. I’ve never fallen in to debt, I never spend obscene amounts on any material item. But anyway, this thread certainly told me lol

Who buys "nice, timeless pieces" for a baby??

You buy stuff that can withstand multiple trips through the washing machine!
You sound naive about both money and babies OP

YABU
So your baby is going to have a 3k wardrobe of neutreul clothes and you just have random things not the actual clothes that might suit the season they are born and the weather at the particular time the turn such an age you've bought the clothes.

So wasteful. It's not saving money doing it this way. It's wasting it.
Here's the thing with baby clothes as I've learnt myself there are always lovely things so you end up buying those too

Hey OP. This sounds like an excessive amount of clothes. At the £30 each you mentioned that is over 100 items of clothing. Bear in mind that babies' clothes will be re-worn several times over so this amount is more than enough. I think it's time for you to stop buying now. You've chosen your clothing and it will be gorgeous when your baby comes. But save for your baby's future instead now! How about every time you see an outfit you like you pop the same amount into a 'days out with baby' fund?

The problem with buying clothes in advance is you have no idea what season your baby will be born in so lots of the clothes could be useless. It is also a crazy amount to spend on clothes for a baby. It is definitely not saving in a different way!

Also why would you buy all these clothes meaning you wouldn't be able to ttc until later. That just increases the risk of fertility problems.

If you’re buying them because you love them and worry you won’t ever see them again, maybe think of setting up a Pinterest board where you can store photos of the garment, rather than buying them. That way you can see them whenever you want to without the expense. Tastes change, and there are always new and beautiful things coming onto the market.

2-3k would be far better invested in your child’s future than wasted on clothes they may never wear. I don’t understand how you spent so much unless you bought every size up to 10years or designer.

I’d focus on getting financially ready for a baby and TTC (it can take years especially as you get older) and you’ve no way of knowing if you’ll need fertility treatment like IVF.

Also babies don’t need a lot of clothes, they grow out of each size in weeks and many are ruined when their nappy leaks or they’re sick.

Presumably you’ve stashed unisex clothes? What if you conceive a girl and want to buy her girly outfits?

Baby clothes are also seasonal. You don’t dress a summer baby in snowsuits and warm layers and knitted hats, just as sleeveless vests and sunhats are useless if your baby arrives in winter!

I’m glad I have an understanding and supportive partner then

Why do you say that you’re bickering about this and it’s becoming a serious issue? If your partner is so understanding and supportive??

Sorry OP but this is bordering on obsession and in your OHs position I would be concerned about your behaviour..

Is he setting the rules about when you are allowed to have a baby? Setting out the financial requirements etc.

It seems you are almost living a fantasy and although there are worse things you could spend on it does seem unwise. Similar to buying clothes to slim into one day!

[quote elbea]@Usernamqwerty It depends what you are buying, you can easily sell some baby clothes for basically what you paid for them if you are getting sought after brands I.e bonds, boden, little white company. I’ve even sold a used bonds sleep suit for double the price new on eBay. You’ll never get anything near your money back buying things like M&S, H&M, supermarket clothes[/quote]
Nice! 😊

@Howshouldibehave

You can’t really have timeless lasting pieces for babies-they all end up covered in tomato stains!

It sounds just bizarre that you have been together for 11 years, planning children etc and have only saved £5000, yet have spunked £3000 on clothes for a fictional future baby!

What are the professional qualifications you need to do? I’d be getting those done asap to increase your earning/saving potential. It sounds like you have a real spending problem.

So we were in university for 7 years, which means that we’ve only had 4-5 years of working/earning so far. We did spend quite a bit of money during these years, both of us were quite reckless. But my SO has really settled down now. We had around £60k in savings but it all had to go on a flat that we just bought a year ago.

@cafenoirbiscuit

If you’re buying them because you love them and worry you won’t ever see them again, maybe think of setting up a Pinterest board where you can store photos of the garment, rather than buying them. That way you can see them whenever you want to without the expense. Tastes change, and there are always new and beautiful things coming onto the market.

Amazing idea!!!

OP - you need to have a serious discussion with your DP around the timeframe of when you want to ttc, probably sooner rather than later. It sounds like you have a lot of money saved and buying all the clothes are attempts to fill the gap of not having a baby/not trying yet.

How do you even know you and DH can have children? I don't want to make you anxious for no reason but early heads up, its very common to have problems TTC and losing pregnancies. I was like you. I just thought it was a given. Got pregnant, absolutley elated, bought a few bits and pieces. 12 week scan showed no heartbeat. This was over a year ago and we haven't tried again. If I went through all of that and was then surrounded by baby clothes it would make an already horrific experience unbearable. Throwing out the baby name books and my medication was bad enough. Please consider donating what you have bought. Nothing is certain and to think it is, as I did, thinking it will never happen to me, will just make things infinitely worse for you.

Are you sure your partner wants to have a baby?
There’s huge gap between a teenage mum on benefits (no offence) and having enough money for every eventual possibility.

TTC can take a while, so if you really want a baby you both need to agree on date to start.

Are you sure your partner really wants a baby?

You need help

@somegirlontheinter did you at least buy everything in gender neutral colors? Or do you have both a boy and a girl wardrobe stashed away?

i mean this kindly; you need some help, see your GP. That is not normal.

"Timeless" pieces are a waste of money. Tiny babies grow out of clothes every few weeks.

You are completely and utterly bonkers.

The spending is worrying too.

You don't really seem to have thought out the plans for having a baby either.

I'd hope my DP's family have cottoned on to you because in the nicest possible way, I'd be worried if I were them, about him being with you with the clothes and overspending.

You'll be gifted nearly all the baby clothes you need for the first 6-9 months from experience (and I don't have a large social circle)

If you don't share finances what will happen when your pay drops whilst on mat leave?

With kindness, that is bonkers OP. 3k is a huge amount of money, which would be better off in your bank.

And unless you're buying FRUGI or similar, it's unlikely to resell or recoup any money.

I understand the compulsion to buy cute baby things when you're actively TTC, I really do. But I can confirm that there are few things more painful and detrimental to your mental health than having to get rid of unused baby things.

Please save the money, it might be worth looking into getting some help with your spending patterns, emotionally I mean, not a financial advisor!

Honestly this is unhinged OP.

*sorry realise i repeated sentence silly ohoneb