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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU child-free wedding?

196 replies

flamingomonkey · 26/01/2022 03:58

Partner and I are booking our wedding and are only having children that are immediate family.

I have a friend who has told me she'll be bringing her children as mine will be there so it's unfair not to invite hers.

A mutual friend got married a couple of years back also a child-free wedding and she made the whole thing a nightmare then but as our friend didn't have children herself she accepted it.

I know I'm not being unreasonable to limit children as it keeps the costs down. However I am considering just uninviting her to save myself the headache - would that be unreasonable?

OP posts:
kateg27 · 26/01/2022 04:01

Not at all. It's your wedding at the end of the day, not hers. Obviously if you don't invite peoples children, you have to be prepared for some not to attend due to childcare reasons but I'm sure you know that.
I'm lucky in that my mum will look after my children. So I find child free weddings great as it's much less stressful than taking my kids.

Original poster
flamingomonkey · 26/01/2022 04:14

Thank you for your reply!

Absolutely prepared for and accept some people may not want/be able to attend. Both of our Mum's are amazing and happily watch our kids so child-free weddings are great for us too.

Just baffles me that she thinks that she can ignore our wishes because she knows we have kids.

OP posts:
feelinglowtodayinfertility · 26/01/2022 04:18

It's your wedding not hers so you are entitled to say no children however I have to be honest OP, as someone that's not majorly a 'child' person I personally don't like when people ban children from their wedding.

If it were me I think I'd offer people the opportunity to pay for their kids if it's a deal breaker.

PurpleDaisies · 26/01/2022 04:26

Make it absolutely clear that the only options open to her are to attend without her children or not attend at all. If she won’t accept that, take her off the list.

LawnFever · 26/01/2022 04:33

She’s a cheeky cow, I’d tell her she can attend alone, or not attend.

Your wedding, your rules, it’s not an option to bring the kids or an obligation to attend.

Original poster
flamingomonkey · 26/01/2022 04:35

Thank you all.

I did tell her it's an invitation not a summons and if the invitation doesn't suit her she can decline.

OP posts:
waitingpatientlyforspring · 26/01/2022 04:41

Some people are rude and cheeky. I understand some people don't agree with child free weddings.

I had one except for my cousins daughter who was my flower girl but a friend turned up with hers. It was fine as she was same age as my flower girl so they played nicely together. My frustration came from abroad and had said her mum (in uk) was having her daughter but I suspect she wasn't and this was the plan all along.

Just be clear its her only or she doesn't come. It doesn't matter that family children are coming, she isn't family.

PinkSyCo · 26/01/2022 04:50

Hahaha the nerve of her! Yep just disinvite her OP. Fingers crossed the pushy CF will take it badly and unfriend you, which I would call a result!

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 26/01/2022 04:54

@feelinglowtodayinfertility

It's your wedding not hers so you are entitled to say no children however I have to be honest OP, as someone that's not majorly a 'child' person I personally don't like when people ban children from their wedding.

If it were me I think I'd offer people the opportunity to pay for their kids if it's a deal breaker.

But sometimes it’s not about the cost of the child attending - it’s simply that the bride and groom don’t want them there. Which is their choice and fair enough!

OP, if your “friend” has already shown her colours by saying she’ll go behind your back this early, definitely rescind the invite. I’d also rescind the bloody friendship!

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 26/01/2022 04:58

@flamingomonkey

Thank you all.

I did tell her it's an invitation not a summons and if the invitation doesn't suit her she can decline.

Perfect response. Does she really think you want her there that much, that you’ll accept her uninvited offspring? Funny.
violetbunny · 26/01/2022 05:34

Reply and say "Apologies if it wasn't clear before, just to reiterate we are unable to accommodate any children at all, other than our own. We will of course understand if this means you wish to decline."

bonetiredwithtwins · 26/01/2022 05:38

That's great your mum will watch your kids but not everyone has help like that at their disposal. And as for saving money kids cost like £10 per head 🤷🏻‍♀️

MakeYourOwnLollies · 26/01/2022 05:44

They cost you £10 per head and if you don't invite them they cost the parents £12 per hour and masses of hassle to leave them. I agree with @bonetiredwithtwins that you're just assuming everyone else has an easy setup and a mum like yours. Can't see why a few kids can't come.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 26/01/2022 05:49

The OP is assuming nothing. She just doesn’t want kids there.

You ‘can’t see why a few kids can’t come’? Grin Your funny, too. They can’t come because the OP doesn’t want them there, and they’re not invited.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 26/01/2022 05:49
  • You’re
StampOnTheGround · 26/01/2022 05:50

A kid free wedding was the best decision we made, of course if we had kids at the time some would need to be invited but numbers dependent id have said family kids only. It's your wedding, it's not your fault if she doesn't have anyone to look after them for literally 1 day - as you said it's not a summons, she can just politely decline 😊

RedRobin100 · 26/01/2022 05:52

The cost of the child is neither here nor there. You are allowed to simply not want to invite children to your wedding. End of. Same way as your invitees are welcome to attend nor not attend.

Flickflak · 26/01/2022 05:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

annlee3817 · 26/01/2022 05:55

It's not just the cost though, we had a limit on numbers at our venue, if we'd have invited kids we would have had to not invite some adults to allow for that, with our invite list we would have to have remove 10 adults (or possibly more, was a while ago) to accommodate for peoples children 🤷

autienotnaughty · 26/01/2022 05:58

It's your wedding should definitely be your choice who attends. Don't feel bad or pressured into not wanting kids there even if yours are going. Your friend sounds a bit high maintenance imo.

phoenixrosehere · 26/01/2022 06:00

That's great your mum will watch your kids but not everyone has help like that at their disposal. And as for saving money kids cost like £10 per head

That’s a bit of an assumption isn’t it about how much a child would cost since we have no clue where OP is located. We also don’t know how much money OP can spend or has budgeted. It would be utterly ridiculous for her to leave out her own children for her wedding to be “fair” nor should she have to invite other children if she cannot afford to.

As you said OP, it’s an invite not a summons and friend doesn’t have to come. She sounds entitled.

BasiliskStare · 26/01/2022 06:10

@MakeYourOwnLollies - I see your point to some extent - but it depends - some venues just aren't suitable or able to accommodate young children and if that is what the bride and groom want - then so be it - you can decline and wish them well. It isn't always just about £10 for a child's meal whether the parents or bride and groom are paying. & it maybe the couple have decided they want a child free wedding - their choice.

If I had had a huge wedding with children's tables and play areas yes - come one come all. I did not and DH & I were doing it on a shoestring. It was no children - there was one couple who wrote back and said we can't come because of childcare. I sometimes feel guilty about this - but then what would I have said to my oldest school friend who did not bring her children.

In truth - we wanted a modest affair with reception in a small restaurant and the whole atmosphere would have been changed with lots of children , let alone the cost Maybe some people will secretly have disliked me for this but it was my wedding. They were invited - if they said no - I lived with that. I'm still friends with them all.

whitewashing · 26/01/2022 06:17

I had a child free wedding. Nothing to do with numbers or cost, we just didn’t want children at our wedding.

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 26/01/2022 06:19

@RedRobin100

The cost of the child is neither here nor there. You are allowed to simply not want to invite children to your wedding. End of. Same way as your invitees are welcome to attend nor not attend.

It really is this simple. As shown on the other thread, the amount of people who think their children should be automatically invited to someone else's party/celebration (as that's what it is) is baffling. One person said it was a personal insult to the children.

The cost, numbers, childcare are neither here nor there. If they're not invited you either accommodate this, and if you can't or won't, don't go!

Forfamily123 · 26/01/2022 06:20

Youvan invite whoever you want but you’re not having a child free wedding if you’re inviting some children.