Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU child-free wedding?

196 replies

flamingomonkey · 26/01/2022 03:58

Partner and I are booking our wedding and are only having children that are immediate family.

I have a friend who has told me she'll be bringing her children as mine will be there so it's unfair not to invite hers.

A mutual friend got married a couple of years back also a child-free wedding and she made the whole thing a nightmare then but as our friend didn't have children herself she accepted it.

I know I'm not being unreasonable to limit children as it keeps the costs down. However I am considering just uninviting her to save myself the headache - would that be unreasonable?

OP posts:
ememem84 · 26/01/2022 08:33

@MakeYourOwnLollies

They cost you £10 per head and if you don't invite them they cost the parents £12 per hour and masses of hassle to leave them. I agree with *@bonetiredwithtwins* that you're just assuming everyone else has an easy setup and a mum like yours. Can't see why a few kids can't come.
But the op doesn’t want children at her wedding

Maybe there’s a limit on people who can attend. Children (the last time I checked) counted as people. So maybe the op would rather have grown ups she’s close to instead of a friends kid who she maybe doesn’t see often.

Squiblet · 26/01/2022 08:33

Of course you can. But in that case it's not really a wedding. Just a party.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/01/2022 08:34

@feelinglowtodayinfertility

It's your wedding not hers so you are entitled to say no children however I have to be honest OP, as someone that's not majorly a 'child' person I personally don't like when people ban children from their wedding.

If it were me I think I'd offer people the opportunity to pay for their kids if it's a deal breaker.

The venue that’s been booked may simply not have space for a lot of extra places at table, whether parents are willing to pay or not.

IMO it’s perfectly reasonable to limit children to close family only.

Presumably people who think all children of friends and more distant family must always be invited, evidently have no concern about costs.

There must have been 30 plus children at my dd’s big wedding do, but that was only possible because we were lucky enough to have a lovely big venue to use for free. Costs were limited to food catering, drink, and marquee, etc. It would have been a very different matter if we’d needed to use a commercial venue, at an awful lot more per head.

OfstedOffred · 26/01/2022 08:35

I have absolutely nothing against a child free wedding but have never yet met a bride who is anything other than obviously put out/grumpy when people have to decline because they can't get childcare.

PurpleDaisies · 26/01/2022 08:36

@Squiblet

Of course you can. But in that case it's not really a wedding. Just a party.
Weddings aren’t weddings without everybody’s children there? Where is this information from please?
ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 26/01/2022 08:39

@Squiblet

Of course you can. But in that case it's not really a wedding. Just a party.

I've read it all now.

sofakingcool · 26/01/2022 08:43

Blimey she's a bit entitled, isn't she?!ShockGrin

We had children at our wedding, DS was our little page boy and we had young nieces as bridesmaids. We also had friends children there, mainly due to the fact they lived a fair distance away and didn't want them to not come due to childcare issues. I like children anyway (work with them), so don't see them as an issue.

We've been to plenty of child free weddings, some only one of us have gone, others we've managed to go together. The only wedding I was a little bit disappointed with was my brother who didn't invite our not little children, just felt a bit sad that they weren't invited to their uncles wedding - but it is what it is, I wouldn't have dreamt of saying anything to him!

phoenixrosehere · 26/01/2022 08:44

Of course you can. But in that case it's not really a wedding. Just a party.

Think every dictionary created was literally disagree with you.

SoLongDarla · 26/01/2022 08:46

@Squiblet

Of course you can. But in that case it's not really a wedding. Just a party.
Hahah are you for real?

Why would having other peoples annoying little kids running about a wedding make it a wedding and not a party?

Will honestly never understand how short sighted some people are about their kids. You like them, they're your kids. Fair enough. Not everyone will. In fact, it's very unlikely the will.

SoLongDarla · 26/01/2022 08:49

OP, you don't need to have anyone there who you don't want to be there. That includes kids.

Tell your friend she's being an entitled brat, and that as you've stated before, no children other than your own will be there.

Your children are there to see their parents get married.

If she can't go, she can't go. She has no right to bring anyone that's not invited with her.

rookiemere · 26/01/2022 08:49

@BuanoKubiamVej

It's not a child-free wedding though if there are some children there. You of course have every right to invite or uninvite whoever you like and there's no obligation to include her children.

If it's really just a cost issue and there's spare capacity at the venue you could say to your friend that the venue will charge you an extra £40 per child if she brings them along (no exceptions, even if they don't eat/drink) so if she pays for that up front then you can add them to the guest list, but if she brings them without paying for them that would be the end of the friendship.

This- I'm not saying that she should bring her DCs along but it's not a child free wedding if children will be there.
SoLongDarla · 26/01/2022 08:51

I don't get why people assume it's a cost issue, rather than just OP doesn't want other peoples kids running around. Which is perfectly fine!!!

Her kids are there to watch their parents get married. It's a big day for them, of course they're going to be there.

Having them there is not the same as having the kids of every Tom dick and Harry going.

LawnFever · 26/01/2022 08:53

@Squiblet

Of course you can. But in that case it's not really a wedding. Just a party.
Are you seriously suggesting a wedding without children isn’t a wedding? Grin

That’s insane, good luck with that Confused

FreedomFaith · 26/01/2022 08:55

@MakeYourOwnLollies

You pay for the kids to go then. It's not a big deal, only £10 a head, offer to pay for them as a present to the op.

Op doesn't want extra kids there because there are limits at the venue, which is the case at most venues. Who would she rather have there, an adult friend that she can chat to and dance with at night, or a child she doesn't know that well that belongs to a mother who doesn't care about boundaries it seems so the child is likely to be badly behaved? Hmm tough choice...

Just uninvite her op. She will bring her kids regardless. God help you if they do come if that's her attitude towards you.

LawnFever · 26/01/2022 08:56

This- I'm not saying that she should bring her DCs along but it's not a child free wedding if children will be there.

Who cares about being so pedantic really?? The OPs own kids being there is clearly completely different.

anon12345678901 · 26/01/2022 08:58

@Squiblet

Of course you can. But in that case it's not really a wedding. Just a party.
😂😂😂 So a wedding isn't a wedding unless children are present?! That's absolutely ridiculous. I take it you'll be one of these entitled people and think your kids should be invited everywhere?
Pedalpushers · 26/01/2022 08:58

It could be a cost issue, a space issue, or an i-just-don't-want-them-there issue and it still doesn't ever give your friend the right to inform you she will be bringing them rather than asking (which could be done politely).

I'd ask her which of your single friends you think should be uninvited to accommodate her children and why they deserve to come more?

cookiemonster2468 · 26/01/2022 08:58

She's TOLD you that she'll be bringing her children?

I'd be telling her in that case she's not invited.

You don't get to dictate someone else's wedding, you can either go or not go under the terms on your invitation.

SoLongDarla · 26/01/2022 08:58

@FreedomFaith 100% what I was thinking. If the mum has this kind of attitude, what will the kids be like...

BasiliskStare · 26/01/2022 09:02

I think every couple is allowed to have the wedding they want - whether that be running off to Gretna Green , booking a hotel in Hawaii , massive child friendly wedding or a small adult friendly venue. What they can't do is be grumpy if some people decline for practical or cost reasons.

Equally I think if you are invited as a guest by someone who ( one would hope) means something to you and you can't be there for childcare or cost or the timing is wrong for you - whatever reason I would hope you would wish them well and gracefully decline the invitation and just realise - this is one day in their lives - they cannot organise it around everyone and indeed they may not choose to have children at all - or only family children. If you are close or good friends - there will be other occasions to catch up and celebrate & all can remain friends.

I had a v small wedding - largely cost and partly just what we wanted - so no massive invitation list "because if Aunty A is invited we have to have Uncle B " My brother did the opposite - huge bash loads of children everyone they knew was on the invitation list - it's horses for courses.
But guests don't get to set the rules methinks - you accept or not

Pedalpushers · 26/01/2022 09:03

Oh and at my wedding children were 25 a head for the food, plus the addition of decor/flowers for an extra table, place names, activity packs to stop them being monsters etc. Only our nieces and nephews ended up coming but it was still a good extra 200 pounds, if all the rest of the kids had come it would have been more than double that for a bunch of little ones who don't care or enjoy what's happening and have to leave early anyway.

Lollypop701 · 26/01/2022 09:04

I had no one to have my kids, no local family. So I couldn’t go to child free weddings… not a problem because I respected other peoples decisions. I managed one when kids were older due to fabulous friends with kids same age who helped out… and really liked the time off!

JSL52 · 26/01/2022 09:05

Cheeky cow. I'd uninvite her otherwise she'll just bring her kids anyway.
What did she say when you said family kids only ?

toomuchlaundry · 26/01/2022 09:06

How do people know how much per head a child will be, where is £10 coming from?

For us it wasn’t cost, but space. The venue could only have 40 people due to fire regulations, you couldn’t just squeeze in a few small children. So if someone had turned up with extra children in tow they would have had to be turned away

LethargeMarg · 26/01/2022 09:07

It's totally up to you but in my experience it just ends up causing so many arguments and stress if you say no children and as you will see on threads on here you will definitely offend someone - if you can handle that then go for it but personally I would rather just pay a bit extra and risk a few crying kids to not have all the awkwardness