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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU child-free wedding?

196 replies

flamingomonkey · 26/01/2022 03:58

Partner and I are booking our wedding and are only having children that are immediate family.

I have a friend who has told me she'll be bringing her children as mine will be there so it's unfair not to invite hers.

A mutual friend got married a couple of years back also a child-free wedding and she made the whole thing a nightmare then but as our friend didn't have children herself she accepted it.

I know I'm not being unreasonable to limit children as it keeps the costs down. However I am considering just uninviting her to save myself the headache - would that be unreasonable?

OP posts:

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/01/2022 15:58

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

How is it entitled to say you can invite who you want but I wouldn't go? I wouldn't waste a child free evening on an event where there'd be other people's kids.

Because it’s a wedding! The wedding of people who you presumably care about and have positive relationships with. If you find that “a waste” than perhaps they are better off without you there (without you in their lives full stop maybe)

Argealanlea · 26/01/2022 15:59

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

How is it entitled to say you can invite who you want but I wouldn't go? I wouldn't waste a child free evening on an event where there'd be other people's kids.

Because it’s not about you! It’s supposed to be you going to celebrate your friends marriage. You sound so self centred.

SoLongDarla · 26/01/2022 16:21

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

How is it entitled to say you can invite who you want but I wouldn't go? I wouldn't waste a child free evening on an event where there'd be other people's kids.

But you'd go if you could bring your own kids? How do you think the rest of the guests there would feel about your kids being there?

this attitude that going to a wedding is a "waste" of your time unless it's exactly the way you want it to be is disgusting. It's horrible to think people actually think this way about their friends/family.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 26/01/2022 16:25

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

How is it entitled to say you can invite who you want but I wouldn't go? I wouldn't waste a child free evening on an event where there'd be other people's kids.

And how exactly would you establish whether it’s fully child-free, or just your little darlings who aren’t invited…?

You’d ask that question before accepting? Yeah, right.

I’m sure most normal bride and grooms would be more than happy with you declining - just as this OP is.

morechocolateneededtoday · 26/01/2022 16:43

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

How is it entitled to say you can invite who you want but I wouldn't go? I wouldn't waste a child free evening on an event where there'd be other people's kids.

Someone inviting you to celebrate with them is a 'waste' of your time

Says more about you and how much you value your friends than anything else

I didn't have a childfree wedding but I would still prefer people like you did not attend.

jimmyjammy001 · 26/01/2022 16:46

Yeah I wouldn't have any children either, parents can't drink, are in parent mode all the time, telling kids off, kids crying, having to leave early etc
But for some guests to be allowed to bring children and others who are not is a bit unfair I would say, either everyone brings their children or non at all.

DaisyMum40 · 26/01/2022 16:53

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

How is it entitled to say you can invite who you want but I wouldn't go? I wouldn't waste a child free evening on an event where there'd be other people's kids.

So you'd tell your friend you would only go if it could be guaranteed as a child free evening?! Wow.

I couldn't care less if other people's kids are there, it's not me having to look after them, they're not my problem.

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 26/01/2022 16:56

@jimmyjammy001

Yeah I wouldn't have any children either, parents can't drink, are in parent mode all the time, telling kids off, kids crying, having to leave early etc But for some guests to be allowed to bring children and others who are not is a bit unfair I would say, either everyone brings their children or non at all.

You really can't see the difference between children who belong to the bride/groom's immediate family and children of friends who, to bluntly put it, probably couldn't give a flying fuck about?

Original poster

flamingomonkey · 26/01/2022 17:05

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Our mutual friend rang me as CF friend rang her to whine and say I'm being unfair. Mutual friend reminded me how she behaved at her child-free wedding.

For anyone interested she messaged my friend at 7AM every day the week of the wedding to confirm the time, DATE, that the kids definitely couldn't come etc. She called at 7AM on the day of the wedding to find out what time/where the wedding was and then arrived three hours late, midway through the meal (starter and main had been eaten and pudding was being served) and complained there wasn't enough food.

She also moaned to our friend I broke the child-free rule at that wedding as I attended whilst pregnant.

I'll be uninviting her tomorrow.

OP posts:

Lizzy1980 · 26/01/2022 17:11

@Squiblet

Of course you can. But in that case it's not really a wedding. Just a party.

And what if you don’t know any children to invite? Is that not a wedding either??? Blimey 😳

LawnFever · 26/01/2022 17:12

Wow I honestly think you should uninvite this person from your life, not just your wedding.

She sounds like an utter nightmare!

DaisyMum40 · 26/01/2022 17:18

I'm amazed she's got any friends at all TBH.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 26/01/2022 17:26

@flamingomonkey - that seems so far-fetched as to lead me to wonder why you’re even friends with this person, let alone why you would want to include them in your wedding.

What did you think was going to happen when you invited her?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/01/2022 17:27

Our mutual friend rang me as CF friend rang her to whine and say I'm being unfair. Mutual friend reminded me how she behaved at her child-free wedding

I hope this mutual friend also reminded her of the way she behaved?

Frankly the CF-ery is so extreme that I'm starting to hope you're pulling our legs, but if not I'd be getting this woman out of your life - like now

Original poster

flamingomonkey · 26/01/2022 17:49

She's been a friend for a long time. I had forgotten most of what she did at our friend's wedding tbf. Clearly, the Bride did not.

She has ways been a bit tricky and oddly self-centred but she's definitely getting worse. I just felt like I needed to invite her as I was inviting our other friends. However, feeling confident I made the wrong call.

OP posts:

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/01/2022 17:56

Squiblet
Lol I’ve heard it all now…your wedding doesn’t qualify as a wedding unless there are children there. If you don’t have children there, it is merely a “party”
Hahahahahah

foggygreyday · 26/01/2022 17:56

She sounds a PITA Op. uninvite her. I'd just say "I'm sorry but if you're intending on being the kids when I've specifically told you they're not invited, then you are no longer invited as I don't need the stress of worrying about where you are going to put the kids, they won't be on the seating plan and I won't be booking a meal for them. "

foggygreyday · 26/01/2022 17:58

To add to that, she clearly doesn't give a shit what you want, so don't even spend a moment feeling bad uninviting her.

WomanStanleyWoman · 26/01/2022 18:43

You’re best off without her at the wedding - or in your life, frankly. She’s what I call an Option C person: someone who, when given a choice of two options, will do nothing but complain she couldn’t pick the mythical third option that would have suited her better.

If (or rather when) she kicks off about being uninvited, tell her that when you said ‘Family children only’, you were stating a fact, not canvassing opinion. At least if she’d asked if you’d consider changing your mind, it would have been (almost) polite. Announcing she’s bringing them come what may? Sod that.

Mandy8888 · 26/01/2022 18:55

Your rules so don't let anybody change them, it's hard enough making the rules and prioritising people, I made the same rule because I have a big family I let all my nieces & nephews come but not his cousins kids, sure I caused upset but hey ho there is a big difference between siblings and cousins, if they want to be there they will make the sacrifice and prove their worth, good luck

Beefcurtains79 · 27/01/2022 13:24

Have you told the CF where to go? I do hope so.

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