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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU child-free wedding?

196 replies

flamingomonkey · 26/01/2022 03:58

Partner and I are booking our wedding and are only having children that are immediate family.

I have a friend who has told me she'll be bringing her children as mine will be there so it's unfair not to invite hers.

A mutual friend got married a couple of years back also a child-free wedding and she made the whole thing a nightmare then but as our friend didn't have children herself she accepted it.

I know I'm not being unreasonable to limit children as it keeps the costs down. However I am considering just uninviting her to save myself the headache - would that be unreasonable?

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 26/01/2022 06:28

The child free thing aside

She doesn’t sound very nice and it’s probably easier to re do the guest list - ‘oh dear they’ve had to move us to a different room which can’t accommodate this many people - we had to reduce the numbers sorry’
Or just tell her she’s uninvited

Kbyodjs · 26/01/2022 06:28

I think it’s a bit off to have some children but not all children invited. I went to a wedding like this a while ago and the thought I had was “oh you didn’t want a childfree wedding, you just didn’t want my children there”
I understand childfree weddings but if you have some and not others then you’re saying that those peoples children matter less to you (maybe that’s true but also expect people to be hurt by that)
I think you’d be surprised by how many people will avoid bringing their children to a wedding without you having to say it

gogohm · 26/01/2022 06:33

Personally I don't agree with child free weddings, I simply made arrangements I could afford and weren't numbers specific (buffet, I catered it myself). Not everyone has childcare

Shoxfordian · 26/01/2022 06:33

She sounds very difficult; is she always like this about things? Tell her not to bother coming

Goatinthegarden · 26/01/2022 06:37

It’s down to you to invite exactly who you want to the wedding OP. Whether children are invited to a wedding or not is completely down to the hosts. Not everyone enjoys the company of other people’s children.

My sibling and his wife do not like children, they don’t have them and don’t enjoy being around them. When they got married, they had family children only, which at the time consisted of two very small babies, a toddler and a 12 year old. Each one was served a full three course meal as it hasn’t occurred to them to cater any differently 😂

Mumdiva99 · 26/01/2022 06:37

I didn't have a child free wedding - there were lots of kids. But I also invited some friends without their kids or partners. Numbers are limited. So down to bride and groom really. Just tell her again and remind her she doesn't have to come.

Lulu1919 · 26/01/2022 06:41

MY daughter had a child free wedding ....they had a package that was a certain price for a certain number ....think 50 people for £1000 ( evening 'do' not wedding breakfast as such ) anyone over that was an extra £30 per head for ANYONE no child prices

Shadappayourface · 26/01/2022 06:42

@bonetiredwithtwins

That's great your mum will watch your kids but not everyone has help like that at their disposal. And as for saving money kids cost like £10 per head 🤷🏻‍♀️
Not at my wedding - they would have cost £85!
LovelyQuiche · 26/01/2022 06:49

@Kbyodjs

I think it’s a bit off to have some children but not all children invited. I went to a wedding like this a while ago and the thought I had was “oh you didn’t want a childfree wedding, you just didn’t want my children there” I understand childfree weddings but if you have some and not others then you’re saying that those peoples children matter less to you (maybe that’s true but also expect people to be hurt by that) I think you’d be surprised by how many people will avoid bringing their children to a wedding without you having to say it
But the children invited are family? Ofcourse they matter more to op
BasiliskStare · 26/01/2022 06:49

I think you can invite whoever you want to your wedding. I think equally if they are important enough to you to be invited they should be able to decline gracefully if the time / date / day / childfree / cost does not suit them & everyone should be able to be grown up ( probably a bit inappropriate given I mention child free Grin ) about it.

Be pleased you were invited if a guest and the bride and groom should not feel it a slight if you cannot go for whatever reason.

chaosrabbitland · 26/01/2022 06:57

there have been a few threads on child free weddings , personally if you think shes just going to turn up and bring her kids anyway you will really have to either uninvite her or retierate to her she cant bring them . it is up to you at the end of the day ,its your wedding

i for the life of me cant see why people with kids get themselves worked up about non child weddings , as if i couldnt bring my child i just simply wouldnt go , not being able to attend wouldnt bother me in the slightest , theres no way id be paying a childminder to attend it , but then i say this as someone who finds weddings tedious and very boring , so any excuse to say no and id be happy anyway

londonrach · 26/01/2022 07:03

Think people missing the point here..your wedding your choice. Wedding are boring no idea why people think want to bring children. Deinvite your CF of a friend. Yanbu.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 26/01/2022 07:08

@Kbyodjs

I think it’s a bit off to have some children but not all children invited. I went to a wedding like this a while ago and the thought I had was “oh you didn’t want a childfree wedding, you just didn’t want my children there” I understand childfree weddings but if you have some and not others then you’re saying that those peoples children matter less to you (maybe that’s true but also expect people to be hurt by that) I think you’d be surprised by how many people will avoid bringing their children to a wedding without you having to say it
Do you seriously think your children should matter as much to people as children they’re actually related to and have a bond with, nieces, nephews, etc?!
RedRobin100 · 26/01/2022 07:09

But OP is not having “some” children. They’re bringing they’re OWN children. Or the bride and groom’s flesh and blood.
Sake.

If you allow one other child (aside from your own or the wedding party) that’s when it becomes a big pain in the arse blur of allowing “some” but not others.

toomuchlaundry · 26/01/2022 07:10

We had a limit of 40 people at our wedding venue. We prioritised adults over children. We also didn’t have an evening do, so just the ceremony and meal, so not very exciting for children.

overnightangel · 26/01/2022 07:11

“I have a friend who has told me she'll be bringing her children as mine will be there so it's unfair not to invite hers.”

Who the fuck does she think she is Shock

hellcatspangle · 26/01/2022 07:14

@gogohm

Personally I don't agree with child free weddings, I simply made arrangements I could afford and weren't numbers specific (buffet, I catered it myself). Not everyone has childcare
You mean "I didn't want a child free wedding". The OP does, it's not up to you or anyone else to agree with her plans.
whiteroseredrose · 26/01/2022 07:15

I don't get the desire for child free weddings myself but it's your choice.

What would seriously irritate me here is your friend saying that she was going to ignore you and bring her DC anyway - serious brass neck!!

Does she always insist on her own way?

trevthecat · 26/01/2022 07:15

We only had family children at our wedding do (we got married alone and had a party after). So we had 10 children at the wedding. If friends had also brought their kids, it would of been around 30 kids!! Which just seemed insane! I love a child free wedding personally! Be firm with her!

ThettaReddast · 26/01/2022 07:16

We had family children only, our own and a few nieces and nephews in practice. If we’d invited all friends children it would have ended up with over half the guest list being children, just not the wedding we wanted.

And yes, to a poster above, having family children there meant a lot more to us than friends’ children, many of whom we don’t know especially well.

One guest made a thing of it, but understood when we explained our reasoning. Of course they could have all been slagging us off behind our backs for slighting their children, but knowing the individuals involved I’m pretty sure that’s not the case.

LawnFever · 26/01/2022 07:17

@Kbyodjs

I think it’s a bit off to have some children but not all children invited. I went to a wedding like this a while ago and the thought I had was “oh you didn’t want a childfree wedding, you just didn’t want my children there” I understand childfree weddings but if you have some and not others then you’re saying that those peoples children matter less to you (maybe that’s true but also expect people to be hurt by that) I think you’d be surprised by how many people will avoid bringing their children to a wedding without you having to say it
Of course some kids matter more to a couple getting married than others, what a self centred idea that your kids should be the centre of everyone else’s world.
Lennybenny · 26/01/2022 07:19

I understand the no children thing. If they are your own, you know how they'll behave and have enough family around to help during the important bits. The problem with other people's children is the unpredictable part. Who wants their wedding ruined by some bratty child that's ignored by a parent or a baby screaming through the vows...yes some are angels...and some are not!

Another post said about having a those invited having a stressless day without children and the op complained. If its that stressful to Not have your children don't go. The bride and groom would be fine with less people there if its going to cause a problem.

Uninvite friend. Its your wedding!!

Henlie · 26/01/2022 07:20

It's not just the cost though, we had a limit on numbers at our venue, if we'd have invited kids we would have had to not invite some adults to allow for that, with our invite list we would have to have remove 10 adults (or possibly more, was a while ago) to accommodate for peoples children 🤷

This was our exact scenario (many years ago). We did have niece and nephews though. But didn’t have any friends children and/or wider family children due to limit on the venue. This seems to be the norm at most of the weddings we’ve attended too.

LawnFever · 26/01/2022 07:21

@gogohm

Personally I don't agree with child free weddings, I simply made arrangements I could afford and weren't numbers specific (buffet, I catered it myself). Not everyone has childcare
What you agree with is completely irrelevant.

Who said it was about budget?

You had the wedding you wanted, the OP will have the wedding she wants, whether or not people have childcare is irrelevant, they can come or not come.

BasiliskStare · 26/01/2022 07:23

@Goatinthegarden - my adult son and my DH would have loved that wedding and may have positioned themselves next to the babies / toddler children so they could helpfully help them clear their plates of the 3 course meal Grin - That did make me laugh

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