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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner asked me how much money I have

375 replies

DPsavings · 25/01/2022 21:40

Should I be honest?

DP and I have been together nearly 18 months and tonight we talked about finances and how we are for credit/savings

I have no debt except a 30% mortgage on my house and about 80k in savings (which would pay off the mortgage should I wish to).
I have a decent defined benefit pension.

Don’t know why but I just feel a bit sketchy about sharing this. AIBU?

OP posts:
BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 25/01/2022 21:43

Don't tell them you have £80K and make sure it's protected should you get married.

thefourgp · 25/01/2022 21:43

Don’t share it at the moment if you don’t feel comfortable to do so. If you decide to live together/get married then it’s only fair to be completely open and honest about your finances then as it’ll have a direct impact on your partner.

userxx · 25/01/2022 21:44

Nope, it's not his business. My oh has no idea what I've got and I'm keeping it that way.

merrygoround23 · 25/01/2022 21:46

I wouldn't tell him about the 80k

Inthesameboatatmo · 25/01/2022 21:46

Don't tell him you have that amount in savings. I wouldn't tell him much I don't think.
Unless you are starting to save for a joint mortgage or get married he really is on a need to know basis only. Even then I wouldn't tell the truth I don't think.

TheFishWillSeeYouNow · 25/01/2022 21:47

If you do not feel comfortable sharing it yet, that's ok. DP and I shared this sort of thing after just a few months but neither of us had much assets so it didn't seem like a huge deal!

Sexnotgender · 25/01/2022 21:47

I wouldn’t tell him. Why does he want to know?

Pegasussnail · 25/01/2022 21:47

We only discussed it once we had decided to get married and only used it once we bought our forever home (dh had more in savings but had lived in my house up until then so it was fair)

Brideandprejudice · 25/01/2022 21:49

How did you answer the question and what was his reason for asking?
Is he in debt or could he be hiding any?

MintJulia · 25/01/2022 21:50

Trust your instincts. Your partner does not need to know and it really is none of his business. If you are planning to live together, all he needs to know is that you are not in piles of debt and there is nothing in your credit history that would make renting a flat together difficult.

TracyMosby · 25/01/2022 21:50

Has he volunteered that information about himself?

Jarstastic · 25/01/2022 21:50

You don’t need to share it. But sounds like he’s at boyfriend stage not DP stage.

coodawoodashooda · 25/01/2022 21:51

Omg do not tell him. Please don't tell him!

DramaAlpaca · 25/01/2022 21:52

That's none of his business.

ANameChangeAgain · 25/01/2022 21:52

Savings are personal and don't need to be disclosed. If you get married they should be ring fenced, as should your home equity. You are entitled to know what each other earns and owes if you are talking about moving in together and / or marriage.

Aprilx · 25/01/2022 21:53

Why are they asking?

HollowTalk · 25/01/2022 21:53

Don't say a word. He is living in your house then? How do you split finances at the moment?

Cosmos123 · 25/01/2022 21:53

If you felt comfortable you wouldn't have posted.

Therefore follow your gut.

Why does want to know for anyway?

Keep quiet about your savings that have no business for him.

If he wants to buy a place with you then he puts in the same amount. Simple

If he wants to know so u can help pay his debts or help with a new business idea. Run.

Jedsnewstar · 25/01/2022 21:54

Don't tell them you have £80K and make sure it's protected should you get married

The only way to truly protect it is to not get married. The whole point of marriage is to join together as one and share finances. If you don’t want to do this don’t marry.

UrsulaBursula · 25/01/2022 21:54

Don’t tell him anything

Keep finances separate until you get married at least - and even then; I suggest treading lightly.

nalabae · 25/01/2022 21:55

DO NOT TELL HIM NOTHING

no matter how much you feel in love and he will never fuck you over, i been in court today over a dodgy business deal my ex of 3 years set up and i found out from the third party he, my ex conned me out of 10k.

do not trust any man with your finances, men aren't like they were in the 1940s, not saying all men are bad but someones WORD means NOTHING these days

Santahasjoinedww · 25/01/2022 21:55

My dh has no idea I have savings...

UrsulaBursula · 25/01/2022 21:56

@nalabae

DO NOT TELL HIM NOTHING

no matter how much you feel in love and he will never fuck you over, i been in court today over a dodgy business deal my ex of 3 years set up and i found out from the third party he, my ex conned me out of 10k.

do not trust any man with your finances, men aren't like they were in the 1940s, not saying all men are bad but someones WORD means NOTHING these days

THIS with bells on!!
CurlsandCurves · 25/01/2022 21:57

Don’t tell him if you don’t feel comfortable. It’s early days yet.

Sounds like a fairly general conversation you’re having so far, is there any reason for it? Or just a sussing each other out type thing, seeing where you both stand, if you’re both on the same page?

nalabae · 25/01/2022 21:57

please op listen to everyone on here, dont make this mistake i would not wish what happened to me on my worse enemy

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