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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner asked me how much money I have

375 replies

DPsavings · 25/01/2022 21:40

Should I be honest?

DP and I have been together nearly 18 months and tonight we talked about finances and how we are for credit/savings

I have no debt except a 30% mortgage on my house and about 80k in savings (which would pay off the mortgage should I wish to).
I have a decent defined benefit pension.

Don’t know why but I just feel a bit sketchy about sharing this. AIBU?

OP posts:
BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 25/01/2022 21:58

Women always need an exit strategy, no matter how well you believe it's going.

Viviennemary · 25/01/2022 21:58

Sounds to me as if he is after your money. Big red flag. Is he broke or in debt himself.

Original poster
DPsavings · 25/01/2022 21:59

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

OP posts:
UrsulaBursula · 25/01/2022 22:00

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage
ARE YOU INSANE!??
RosesAndHellebores · 25/01/2022 22:00

@nalabae I am sorry you experienced that.

OP DH and I have been married for more than 30 years.

I have no recollection of telling dh what I had. He knew I owned the house with a mortgage.

I think if you say I have x equity in the house that is being sensible. To remain silent on your savings is not being untruthful. If you had debts and said you didn't that would be.

UrsulaBursula · 25/01/2022 22:00

Adding him to YOUR mortgage??

Absolutely not!!!

SD1978 · 25/01/2022 22:01

@DPsavings - why the hell would you add him to a mortgage that's already so small?! You've clearly paid off most of it, could have it fully paid off if you wanted, I wouldn't be sharing that! What property does he bring into the relationship?

UrsulaBursula · 25/01/2022 22:02

He sounds like an opportunist

Do not NOT add him to your mortgage.

If his really serious, tell him to save his deposit and you can save and join both deposits together to buy a new home TOGETHER

DO NOT!! add him to your current home

deathlessdeath · 25/01/2022 22:03

Been with DP 11 years. Got 2 kids and a house together. Haven't told each other how much money we've got!! Why would you need to? Protect your cash, don't tell him.

CheekyHobson · 25/01/2022 22:03

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage
In exchange for what?
whattodo2019 · 25/01/2022 22:03

Definitely don't tell him

Workin8til6 · 25/01/2022 22:04

No no no no no

Santahasjoinedww · 25/01/2022 22:05

Who's idea was adding him to the mortgage? Play the skint card. If he loves you anyway all good. Nowt as appealing to a bloke as a woman with cash...
Let me guess his tenancy needs renewing soon? /he hates his flat? /other similar scenario

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 25/01/2022 22:05

I think you need some legal advice tbh. You need to find out the implications of things so that you can protect yourself.

Do not add him to any mortgage or house deeds or whatever!

You sound quite naive tbh.

Please get legal advice. He could be a complete parasite with a gambling problem for all you know. There's no such thing as love when it comes to money and assets.

HollowTalk · 25/01/2022 22:05

No, he doesn't get to piggyback on your home ownership.

What did you say to him?

Have you noticed what he is like with money? How old is he?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/01/2022 22:05

talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Omg, you would have to be INSANE to do this. There's a reason you're hesitant that tell him about your finances... Listen to your instincts. Do not risk your financial stability for any man.

deathlessdeath · 25/01/2022 22:06

& you know what - it used to be me who had a romantic view of things like this 'what's mine is yours' etc and DP the 'realist' as he calls himself changed my views and I am forever grateful!! I have no intention on splitting from him but I feel so much better knowing I am my own person, with my own finances and not reliant upon anyone!!

Chatwin · 25/01/2022 22:06

Why on EARTH would you add him to your mortgage? Is this what he is suggesting?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/01/2022 22:06

@Workin8til6

No no no no no
No one could say it better.
CurlsandCurves · 25/01/2022 22:06

I’m not sure, but if you do want to go down this road, I’d definitely be getting something drawn up to ringfence the percentage of the property you own yourself.

I know nothing about this sort of thing but I’d be taking legal advice if you want to combine finances. And if he’s above board and in this for the right reasons he’ll be fine with this. He doesn’t need to know about the savings but will surely understand you wanting to protect your property.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 25/01/2022 22:06

So he's already asked you? What did you say?

As others have said,don't tell him about the £80k and dont add him to your mortgage. In fact, why live with him?

Rainbowqueeen · 25/01/2022 22:06

What did he say his financial position was???

Whose suggestion was it that he be added to the mortgage??

If the conversation made you feel uncomfortable, do not proceed. Slow things down while you gather information and evaluate. Do not let him push you into anything. This is your future.

Anna10309 · 25/01/2022 22:06

Please don't be foolish and add him onto your mortgage. You are almost home free, why would you make such a foolish decision?

NeverChange · 25/01/2022 22:07

How do you do anything but lose by adding him to the mortgage?

What is the upside for you?

I would live to hear it because I cannot think of one.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/01/2022 22:09

@NeverChange

How do you do anything but lose by adding him to the mortgage?

What is the upside for you?

I would live to hear it because I cannot think of one.

EXACTLY

There is literally no benefit to you in allowing him on your mortgage. If he merely lived with you, he would pay his fair share. If he gets on the mortgage, he owns your home.