Partner asked me how much money I have

[DPsavings]

Should I be honest?

DP and I have been together nearly 18 months and tonight we talked about finances and how we are for credit/savings

I have no debt except a 30% mortgage on my house and about 80k in savings (which would pay off the mortgage should I wish to).
I have a decent defined benefit pension.

Don’t know why but I just feel a bit sketchy about sharing this. AIBU?

[SE123]

If all goes well you could SELL half of the house to him, if you get married its as good as halved.

[Wheresthebeach]

Are you NUTS??? You can’t give part of your house away to a boyfriend.

I agree he’s after your assets. Do not tell him about your savings and do not add him to your mortgage. DH moved into my flat and we had his kids every weekend. He paid rent - never suggested being on the mortgage. We did go on to buying a house together later but that’s only after engagement and baby!

[coodawoodashooda]

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

I bet he thought it was a super idea.

[BoredZelda]

Not sure why I assumed it was “him”. What did you tell them?

[GettingItOutThere]

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

is he contributing to 50% of your equity? if not - do not do this!!! even ringfenced - do not you must be mad to consider it

none of his business about your money

[RosesAndHellebores]

What OP.
As I said a lifetime ago I owned the house, had the career and money in the bank. I met dh, fell in love as did he and I completely and utterly trusted him. He is a very moral man and whilst penniless when we met insisted on maintaining his rented flat grothole until the month before our wedding. He also insisted on a pre-nup and when we sold my house 18 months later and bought our family home with a corker of a mortgage he insisted a legal agreement was in place to protect my percentage of the equity.

Then his career started to bear fruit, we had children and I stopped working. To this day he has never questioned a penny I've ever spent.

We know roughly what each other has and where the keys to the documents and what the passwords are in the event of something awful happening but we'd never snoop.

[Beancounter1]

I am assuming you are in love and want to live together. If that is the case, you have two sensible options:

1. He moves in with you strictly as a lodger, and pays rent as contribution to the bills. Don't let him actually pay bills directly, insist he pays you rent, and you pay the bills which remain in your name. Get legal advice on protecting your home so he has no claim on it if you split up after a while.
   

1. You both move into a new place together, either rented or bought, as absolute equals, half and half on the rent or mortgage. You either let out or sell your current home, and keep your own property and savings / investments separate from him. Get legal advice before marriage.

[RantyAunty]

It feels sketchy because it is.

What is his current situation? Work? Where does he live? Age?

[Blossom64265]

My husband and I had a goal of forming an economic and legal partnership in addition to a romantic relationship. This is something many couples choose to do because it provides advantages for launching successful children which is the first goal of our economic and legal partnership. The second is retirement planning and the third with any luck is inheritance planning.

You have to decide what the goals of your relationship are going to be. You can certainly keep him strictly in the romantic category for now or forever.

[Kelly7889]

It is not done to talk about money with someone who is just a boyfriend. How nosey of him and completely inappropriate and vulgar. (Sorry but I don't know what "sketchy" means in your post.)

Please protect yourself. There are many people who would give and do anything for 80K.

[HeronLanyon]

STOP -NO.

was going to add if he does move in then make sure your own finances (other than day to day hum drum) are private and safe - then thought bloody hell that’s quite something - your posts triggered that thought. Not good op.
Good luck.

[Joystir59]

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Don't tell him. I'm reading this as he doesn't have assets to bring to the table and would quite like some of yours.

[StellaGibs]

YANBU, all sounds sketchy. Please do not add him to your mortgage at less than two years in!!

[PurpleCarpets]

If, after 18 months, the two of you are thinking of a future together then I think it's a question he should be asking. I wouldn't be getting seriously involved with anyone without a rough idea of their balance sheet.

[2022success]

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Are you kidding? No way would I do that.

[blueshoes]

If you have to ask (by starting this thread), you know his motives are questionable. Your instincts tell you he is digging. Listen to those instincts.

[INeedNewShoes]

Don't add him to your mortgage. Your hard work over years has got you to a point where you're in a great position financially. Do not fritter this away on a feeling that you want to move in with this man. You stand to lose so much.

I'm single and have already decided that should I meet anyone, the only way I would buy a house with them is if we had exactly the same amount to put into the deposit and to pay towards the monthly repayments. I will NEVER risk my financial security moving a man into my house and adding him to my mortgage. Nor would I expect any man to have me move into his house in a way that would make me eligible for a share in the value of a property he has bought.

[NoSquirrels]

Has he shared his position first?

[SC215]

Why would you add him onto your mortgage?! Don't do it! You would be bonkers to do this after 18 months.

Let him move in, if you want him to. He can contribute towards bills and food, and nothing towards the mortgage. It's your house.

What's his living situation? Renting? Living with his mum? Guessing he doesn't have his own savings or house?

[AhNowTed]

You would be stark raving mad to add him to your mortgage.

Why in gods name would you basically hand over half your asset that you paid for.

Who prompted THAT conversation??

[Saurus72]

Unless the legal situation has changed in the 3 years since I got divorced, pre-nups aren’t legally binding in this country. I was astounded to find that despite me being able to prove I had contributed two thirds to our mortgage the legal situation is a 50/50 split of assets - even your pension 😬

OP, as every else has said, don’t add him to your mortgage, don’t tell him about your savings and DO NOT get married! You have everything to lose. I’m not a bitter divorcee btw - it came to the end of its life and I’m now very happy living in sin 😊

[EmmaH2022]

@AhNowTed

You would be stark raving mad to add him to your mortgage.

Why in gods name would you basically hand over half your asset that you paid for.

Who prompted THAT conversation??

This
And keep quiet about savings.

I understand the question but for me, a lot more time would have to pass before any financial info was offered and it would only be offered if the purchase of a joint home was an option.

[giveyou2reasons]

Definitely don't add him to your mortgage, under those circumstances. Tell him you've paid off X amount already, have the mortgage fully under control, and you'd rather continue to pay the mortgage and let him cover some of the other bills/costs of living.

He should understand your position, and if he acts affronted, that will tell you something about him. I'd keep a wary eye on him, if he tries to insist or sway you.

[silentpool]

Please don't add him to your mortgage. That's your security. If you want to buy a new place together, he can add an equal deposit to you and that is better. Rent your place out!