Partner asked me how much money I have

[DPsavings]

Should I be honest?

DP and I have been together nearly 18 months and tonight we talked about finances and how we are for credit/savings

I have no debt except a 30% mortgage on my house and about 80k in savings (which would pay off the mortgage should I wish to).
I have a decent defined benefit pension.

Don’t know why but I just feel a bit sketchy about sharing this. AIBU?

DONT DO IT. Don't add him to the mortgage. Ever. You've worked hard for this and you are in a fantastic position. It's all
yours.

And don't tell him about your savings. Be vague. Say you have a small amount as a rainy day fund.

Protect yourself and your finances first - always.

Christ don’t add him to yoir mortgage!
As MN would say, are you on glue?!!!

Don't tell him about the £80k.

Noooooo. Don't add him on to your mortgage and DO protect yourself should he move in. Using solicitors, not just luck/current good will.

However much you love him... things change.

Why on earth would you add a boyfriend of 18 months to a mostly paid off mortgage? And what kind of Normal guy would suggest it?!

There's a reason you're feeling uncomfortable op. This is a huge red flag.

DH and I share everything but that's because we had fuck all when meeting so there's nothing to ring fence, I honestly don't think your boyfriend's up to much good even entertaining the idea.

Surely a healthy balanced fair relationship means he should be saying "nope that's insane, I'd be a complete piss taker for letting you agree to that".

Do you have children op?

You need to protect your financial position because it's clearly not his priority

Who initiated the conversation and how did the mortgage idea come up?

Don't put him on mortgage. Don't do anything without legal and financial advice - not from him though.

Is this some kind of wierd naive joke? You have your own property, thinking about moving in together and for some reason you are thinking about adding him to your mortgage? Why? he can move in but that doesnt mean he has a right to your property? Surely moving in is a test run and you can make decisions around your future after a peroid of time.

If you have to add him (why on earth would you?), make sure you have watertight legal arrangements to protect yourself. I have a friend who has lost her family home due to a breakdown of a relationship after she put partner in the deeds.

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Run. He's after what you've got.

In the context of your conversation he doesn't need to know what savings you have or what debt you have. You're uneasy because he's prying. Trust your gut feeling.

Why wasn't the conversation about buying a place together and what sort of place/size of place? As in, what each of you could afford.

If he moves in, make him buy you out 50% so you're equal owners of the property. If he can't afford that, then sell and buy somewhere else together where he can afford to buy half. Then the money from the sale of your current house that doesn't go into your half of the new house goes into your savings (you sound like you'd have "spare change" if you bought half of somewhere).

Maybe he'd need a mortgage for his half and you wouldn't, I'm not sure if that's possible, you don't want to get shafted paying his mortgage payments until it's sold in the event you split and he moved out and refused to keep paying because he needs the money for rent.

Or look into how to protect yourself legally if he moves in and doesn't buy half so isn't added onto the deeds. Is not adding him enough to ensure he has no claim on the property if you split up? Seek legal advice. This man is triggering your spidey senses for a reason.

@FFSjustLTB

If you have to add him (why on earth would you?), make sure you have watertight legal arrangements to protect yourself. I have a friend who has lost her family home due to a breakdown of a relationship after she put partner in the deeds.

I personally know of four of these nightmares. Basically the same scenario. Makes me sick to think about it.

Under no circumstances add him to the mortgage, that would be incredibly risky for you at this early stage. If he has no idea how low your balance is he is maybe envisioning paying half a mortgage when he moves in but even so… Does he have a home he’d sell to move in? If not I’d come up with a reasonable ‘rent’ contribution from him to you and split the bills, perfectly reasonable over just 18m.

Don't tell him. None of his business for now. Protect the money in case of marriage later on.

And no, do not mention the 80k!!

Oh man, don't add him to your mortgage. You have almost total security with your equity and your savings. Don't give it up whatever happens!

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Oh god, no. Wise up.

Do NOT add him to your mortgage. It’s almost paid off, and you could lose your home if you split up. Fine to have him move in - but it’s YOUR house.

If it doesn’t feel right then don’t talk about it yet. The relationship is still early days. He should understand.

Do not add him to your mortgage. Don’t marry him. Just date .

I have seen many men (with no assets) start worrying about retirement in their mid 50s. Most of them walked out on a wife and kids in their 20’s or 30’s (grass greener situations).

With retirement and a rubbish pension looming they woo a woman with assets.

Not saying that’s him but many of them don’t want the instability (and expense) of renting post 65.

Listen to your gut.
You feel uneasy. That's your instinct talking.
Would I freely sign a huge % of my assets over to someone? Would I hell.

Oh and they want a nurse maid in case they become ill.

I can see why he may want to discuss, a bit like you discuss ideas on children and marriage. Knowing how good with money your partner is important, also if you book holidays are you looking at bermuda or bognor?

You don't always need to ask but IMO it's worth understanding.

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Don't add him to the mortgage! Consider renting out your house and renting a place together with him for you both to live - at least until you know whether you could stand living with him!

What did you say when he asked you? Just leave it at that.

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

HELL NO.

You would be throwing away your security and for what??? Do NOT do this

My DH moved in with me after 18 months and insisted on paying market rate rent because lodger moved out and he recognised the opportunity cost to me and the fact it was still cheaper and nicer than his current rental so a goodish deal for him too.

Reading your OP I thought yanbu because your gut is saying no. I did in fact disclose my finances generally to my DP (now DH) at 18 months.
Whole he is financially solvent he has less assets than me.
He insisted we go 50/50 on everything (ie he pay his way) and was adamant we get a prenuptial to ring-fence my money and ensure whatever happened I was protected.

That is the kind of man you disclose your financial position to.

Not a man who after 18 months wants to tether himself to your assets and rob you of your financial security

I think your gut is protecting you here.
I'd think back and try and remember how this was brought up in conversation and who suggested adding him to the mortgage....