Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Original poster

Partner asked me how much money I have

375 replies

DPsavings · 25/01/2022 21:40

Should I be honest?

DP and I have been together nearly 18 months and tonight we talked about finances and how we are for credit/savings

I have no debt except a 30% mortgage on my house and about 80k in savings (which would pay off the mortgage should I wish to).
I have a decent defined benefit pension.

Don’t know why but I just feel a bit sketchy about sharing this. AIBU?

OP posts:

DrBlackbird · 25/01/2022 23:04

My friend owned her first home outright. Met her now exH. Next house he got himself on the mortgage. Two houses and several affairs later he mortgaged the house to the hilt, drained the joint accounts, they split and he deliberately went bankrupt so after 12 years of marriage she ended up with a pittance, no house and not even enough for a deposit.

Your boyfriend may be a great guy but fgs protect your assets. Think like a man!

Cupcakesandjam · 25/01/2022 23:04

What a terrible idea. He can't just have half of your house! Be very careful and take legal advice from a grumpy divorce lawyer on worst case scenario.

Tell him you rent it. Don't pay for lovely holidays and don't mention savings or lend him money.

Don't tell him your passwords. Don't lend him your bank card and if you have real jewellery tell him it's fake. Did you ask the same questions?

Ps anyone can fake a healthy bank statement using logos, word and pdf.

EveningOverRooftops · 25/01/2022 23:04

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Hell no op. You do not add him in any way to your mortgage. Not with convo about finances starting this soon about mortgages and savings.

Tell him no to the mortgage. Bend the truth and say you’ve been paying into another private pension because single women often don’t have the capital for a comfortable retirement.

If he moves in you do not let him contribute to the mortgage

however I would suggest you rented another place together. If he is OK with that idea. He’s probably OK. If he is not OK with it he wants an easy ride.

What’s his financial position?

violetbunny · 25/01/2022 23:06

Do NOT add him to the mortgage unless you are married.

When I moved in with DP it was his house, he had a mortgage. I contributed a payment every month that was just slightly less than if we had been renting the house together and sharing the room, plus my share of bills. It was only fair. In fact he had lodgers before I moved in, so it was only fair that I replaced the lost income when the lodger moved out.

If he wants to own a properly, he can save up on his own and buy one separately and let it out. That's what I would do in his shoes.

Cocomarine · 25/01/2022 23:11

Honestly, I’m just here to hear the explanation why you even entertained giving him rights to your home.
Are you mad?

Zonder · 25/01/2022 23:15

@Cocomarine

Honestly, I’m just here to hear the explanation why you even entertained giving him rights to your home. Are you mad?

Same!

Blossomtoes · 25/01/2022 23:19

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Please, please don’t do this. It’s insanity.

Flickflak · 25/01/2022 23:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/01/2022 23:22

Are you really that naive that you would entertain this? Am hoping not and you’re just confirming what your intuition is telling you.

NO to telling him about savings

NO to telling him how much of your mortgage you’ve paid off

NO to putting him on the mortgage and giving him half your house-that’s just daft.

He can move in and pay rent which you will put towards bills. And pay for food together. Do not loan him money/pay for holidays for you both etc etc. what’s his situation/earnings/savings/property?

Pluvia · 25/01/2022 23:22

What's he bringing to the table, OP? Does he have a property too?Something about him clearly worries you so why would you add him to your mortgage and compromise your security?

PurpleCarpets · 25/01/2022 23:23

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

This makes sense then - definitely a point in the relationship for financial disclosure so you both know where you stand.

Hont1986 · 25/01/2022 23:24

Weird responses on this thread.

None of us know the guy. If you are serious enough that you are at the point of considering co-habiting and sharing property, then you should also be at the point of being able to have honest and open conversations around money.

If you don't want him to know because you think he would try to steal or spend it, then why would you want to move him in anyway?

HyacynthBucket · 25/01/2022 23:24

No, No, No. He has no need and no right to know about your finances, OP. Please do not tell him about your savings, and FFS do NOT put him on the mortgage. You would have to be absolutely crazy to do that.
Women need financial independence. It is their best security. Keep what you have earned, and well done by the way, having a house you have nearly paid off. Don't give it away. You risk losing it all together.
Good advice upthread about him paying rent and contributing to bills, but the bills are in your name. Please don't let romance blind you to what you could lose.

redbigbananafeet · 25/01/2022 23:38

You've only 30% of your mortgage left so you've paid 70% off? And you're going to put his name on half? So you're giving him 35% of your house? You're giving him over a third of your house after how many months together?!

lisaandalan · 25/01/2022 23:39

Don't tell him anything, I've been with my husband 30 plus years doesn't know what I have, if he asked I'd tell him to mind his own business. X

Bogofftosomewherehot · 25/01/2022 23:39

@DPsavings

We started talking about it in the context of maybe moving in together (him moving in with me) talked about maybe adding him to the mortgage

Please be very careful and ring fence your assets.

Cornishclio · 25/01/2022 23:40

You would have to be crazy to consider adding a boyfriend of just 18 months to a mortgage which is almost paid off on your house in effect transferring 50% of the equity to him. Certainly don't do it without legal advice or a deed of trust to reflect the different amounts you have put in. Ie you 70% him zero. Don't disclose your savings to him.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 25/01/2022 23:40

@HyacynthBucket

No, No, No. He has no need and no right to know about your finances, OP. Please do not tell him about your savings, and FFS do NOT put him on the mortgage. You would have to be absolutely crazy to do that. Women need financial independence. It is their best security. Keep what you have earned, and well done by the way, having a house you have nearly paid off. Don't give it away. You risk losing it all together. Good advice upthread about him paying rent and contributing to bills, but the bills are in your name. Please don't let romance blind you to what you could lose.

This!!! 1000%.

Oddbobbyboo · 25/01/2022 23:42

Dear Lord, I wish my ExH new wife posted on here! Great advice! He’s taken the poor lady to the cleaners! I swear being in love is a mental illness!!! Rationale just leaves your body.
Keep your mortgage in your name and hush about your savings…. I have 4 kids with my ex…. He was a financial liability! I only have what I have because I kept it hidden…. I don’t even know why I hid it….. I guess I wanted financial security away from him if I ever needed it. Turned out I did!

Changechangychange · 25/01/2022 23:43

If you are planning on moving in together imminently, it’s not an unreasonable question - I’d definitely want to know a DP was financially solvent before ai got too involved.

If this is a somebody who is still at the boyfriend stage, on a random fishing expedition, he can piss off. Especially if there’s been any sign of cocklodging.

Esspee · 25/01/2022 23:45

Do not add him to the mortgage please, it is a very unwise idea. Personally I would pay off the mortgage before letting him move in and he can contribute to the household bills by paying rent. This protects you if you split up. The property is yours and he has been a lodger and therefore cannot claim any part of your home.

MrsPsmalls · 25/01/2022 23:46

Ffs you have just called this person your partner! Not your boyfriend, your partner...who it seems actually knows very little about you, and vice versa presumably. And as for only telling him if you are going to get married (or maybe not even then!), well you wouldn't be getting a marriage proposal from any man I have ever met, if he wasn't sure if you were even solvent.

Fromthebirdsnest · 25/01/2022 23:47

Don't tell him and prenup , this is a massive red flag for me !

BluebellsGreenbells · 25/01/2022 23:47

Do you know his position? For all we know he’s a secret millionaire!

LadyPropane · 25/01/2022 23:59

I think it's normal to be open about finances in a relationship, IF you are moving forward and living together, planning marriage etc.

When you aren't doing these things I see no reason to divulge personal finances to anyone else.

Also, the main thing here is that you aren't comfortable doing this. That speaks volumes. Don't do anything that you aren't comfortable with

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Swipe left for the next trending thread