Adult children coming on holiday- who pays?

[autienotnaughty]

So we have two adult children (early twenties) and one younger child (under ten). One dc works full time the other is at uni and works part time. We want to do a week abroad this year but can not afford to pay for adult children too. It's our first holiday abroad in a number of years. Last 7 years have all been uk in cottages/caravans and we have always paid for everything. I've not spoke to dc yet but I want to invite them but ask them to pay their own flight /hotel I'm aiming around £500 pp then maybe ask for a contribution towards food but us pay the majority. Drinks (alcohol) just get our own. AIBU?

It's okay to ask them to pay as long as you are up front about ALL costs from the beginning and accept that they may decide they can't afford to go.

YANBU, however don’t be surprised or diss if they decline. They maybe adults but I doubt they are flush and may well prefer to spend their holiday elsewhere.

We always pay for our DS’ 20 & nearly 19, they probably wouldn’t come on holiday with us otherwise! 😂

I think it depends. I would expect someone working full time to pay full if the costs are reasonable. The uni one - is your child relying on the income to pay for uni/living or is it for spending money? If the latter, I would expect a certain percentage of the holiday costs to be saved (depending how much your child is earning obviously).

Would they be able to go away with friends as well? i am not 100% sure that a family holiday is all they want.

Im quite a bit older than your dc but have sibling early 20s. We all went on a family homiday abroad last summer.

No issue for me i have dh and dc we paid for ourselves.
The offer was extended to siblings to come and pay for themselves in full- it was an expensive holiday long haul- the cost for sibling to stay in same accommodation as parent was around 2k
It was communicated before hand as "do you want to come- if you do its ££££ for your own room or £££ to take a part of our accommodation"

Sibling chose to stay in parents accommodation but was very resentful they had paid what to them was a hell of alot of money and didnt get any "space" or "privacy" but at the same time they had fear of missing out.
I guess what I am trying to say is its a balance as even £500 might be alot of money especially to a student then an additional £500 spends maybe- will they still be in accommodation with you dh and other dc?

You can always extend the offer but I would say be extremely clear what they wjll get for their money and what you will/wont pay for and give them plenty of time to consider, my sibling felt rushed to nake a decision quickly as we got a 'good deal' and some of the party wanted to snap it up straight away.

Hmmmm I think the DC who works full time might be able to contribute (obviously I know nothing of their finances- they might not be able to afford to, can't tell from the OP!), I wouldn't ask the student who works part time though, I can't imagine they'll be able to afford to?

Tbh, if I couldn't afford to pay for them all, I'd probably look at a cheaper holiday where I could afford to.

What about looking at all inclusive , it might work out cheaper than what you are planning to spend (£500 p.p) and then the food and drinks ,accomodation, flights, etc is already paid for,

And then if you all decide to dine out in a restaurant on holiday they can contribute..if try don't want to contribute ,you know that they will still get food from the hotel all inclusive food if you dine out and then eat at the hotel

Yes, if they want to come they should pay.

At 20 (and a university student) I was taking my mum on holiday and paying for her.

You can ask but don’t expect them to pick a family holiday over a holiday alone or with friends, where they’ll pay for themselves but will have full control over the destination, their activities and lodgings, and not have to cater to significantly older or younger family members.

The one working full time should pay for themselves. The student probably can't afford to.

You might be better off suggesting they pay flights and spends and you pay for the hotel if you're picking it.

I think it's fine to ask but I imagine part time working uni student DC will struggle and they both may choose to holiday with mates instead.

I’m not sure id have been wanting to go on. Family holiday that I have to pay for! Don’t they want to go with their own friends? If you want then with you perhaps a cheaper option?

Holidays where they are paying in full are holidays where they have full control of when, where, with whom and what style of activities will fill their days and nights. Holidays with parents rarely come into that category. I would expect to subsidise the holiday to some extent, ranging from 100% if you really want them there but it's really not going to be something they would choose and they are there for your sake rather than their own, down to about 25% of they are keen to come and would definitely enjoy it. I don't think that it's at all reasonable to invite them to fully pay their own way.

If you want them to come I think k you pay if you are not bothered you give them the option but if I were them I doubt I would want to come - the only reason 20 somethings holiday with their parents is because it's free - otherwise they might as well go on a holiday with their mates which would be more fun for them!!

At that age the only reason to go on a family holiday is because it’s free.

Maybe let them know you are going, say you can’t afford to pay for everyone but they are welcome to join if they can cover themselves. I think that’s harsh on the student though.

Of course you can ask them to pay. It’s not unreasonable, especially if you give them enough notice so they plan and save if they want to.

That said, when I was a student I could afford maybe one cheap holiday a year, and I wouldn’t have gone with my parents that’s for sure. I would choose to go away with my friends. And as a 20 year old I would’ve hated all inclusive!!!

Yanbu to ask but honestly as a student there were a lot of things I would rather spend £500 on than a family holiday!

Are u sure they wanna come ? At that age I didn't wanna go on holiday with my parents to a destination they chose. I think at that age they rather want to spend their money with mates and exploring on their own.

I don't think you can ask the Uni student to pay unless you know that they are stashing away loads of cash from their pt job rather than just using it to support their living costs at Uni. The one working full time should be invited on the basis that they pay their own way.
My DS would only choose to come on holiday with us if we were paying. If he could afford a holiday abroad then he would choose his own destination and go by himself/with friends.

You could ask them to pay but in all fairness, at that age they would most probably prefer to put their money towards a holiday with friends than pay to go with family. Personally I wouldn't charge them for a family holiday and just be grateful they would agree to come at that age!

It's a big ask OP. When I was that age my money would have been on a holiday with my pals.

I asked adult earning DS to pay half the flight cost (was about £350); while adult student DD I paid for. You can't afford to cover them so they have to contribute something.

I wouldn't have gone on holiday with my parents if they'd wanted me to pay. So bear in mind they may say thanks but no thanks

Of course you can say if they’d like to come they are welcome but will need to pay themselves.

Obviously it’s pretty unlikely they’ll come in those circumstances, but fine for you to say that.

I think it's reasonable to explain your idea and to ask them if they will pay as you suggest, as long as you won't take offence if they decline to join you. If you have an expectation that they will prioritise saving up to join you I think you might end up disappointed. £500 is a lot of money for a student who also works part-time or someone just starting out working.

I’m 30 and my mum pays for my to come skiing with her every year! I could afford it but not the short posh resorts she stays in. I do bury food/drink while over there. If she said I had to pay I simply could not afford to go where she would want to go!