Adult children coming on holiday- who pays?

[autienotnaughty]

So we have two adult children (early twenties) and one younger child (under ten). One dc works full time the other is at uni and works part time. We want to do a week abroad this year but can not afford to pay for adult children too. It's our first holiday abroad in a number of years. Last 7 years have all been uk in cottages/caravans and we have always paid for everything. I've not spoke to dc yet but I want to invite them but ask them to pay their own flight /hotel I'm aiming around £500 pp then maybe ask for a contribution towards food but us pay the majority. Drinks (alcohol) just get our own. AIBU?

@Seashor me too.

We’re in a similar situation going on a long overdue holiday to Florida Disney this year that we couldn’t afford when older DC were younger and weren’t paying for themselves.

Have one school aged DC and 3 adult DC, two at Uni (but living at home and pay no rent) and one full time working who also lives at home and pays nominal rent + boyfriend. The older three and boyfriend are paying for themselves.

We’re going just after Uni DCs finish for the year in early May in term time for youngest as cheaper and less hordes of people hopefully as there will probably be a scramble for holidays in school hols this year as Covid restrictions being removed and prices will rocket. Also schools in US and Europe finish for the summer at the end of May so want to go before then.

I’d rather take the fine and have a nicer, cheaper holiday as it’s a once in a lifetime thing for us, Something to consider?

We pay for our young adults to come on holiday with us

@whynotwhatknot

Can you offer to pay the difference between off peak and when youre going it seems unfair to ask them to pay plus it has to be in school holidays

This. By going in school holidays to accommodate the youngest you’re inflating the cost to your adult children by maybe even 100%.

I think you should try to pay the summer holiday price premium, compared to e.g. late September. Otherwise you’re asking them to pay for themselves and also pay for the convenience of their youngest sibling.

The way I would do this:

You pay for anyone in education
As long as the one who works lives at home and pays either minimal or no board then they have more disposable income than you. Charge them full price however you could suggest the older two share and pay the difference to staying together.

Have you ever taken your older DC abroad? Even as young children? If so, just go now with your youngest and plan an all family break in the UK.

It sounds no one in your group can afford to pay double holidays abroad (you to pay for both you and older children, they to go both with you and with friends), so it would be huge compromise at best.
One option would be to come up with a plan when pooling the money would get more value for you all than each would get individually (for example going by one car, sharing bigger apartment there and if your adult children are good pals, planning part of the time together, part for them to do some exploration on their own ), but the other limitations in your situation (school holidays, SEN youngest) might cause that such option just won't be.

Anyway, enjoy your holiday, you deserve it :)

19nyear old coming with us this year. He's a student we are paying. TBH I'm fairly sure if we weren't he wouldn't /couldn't come. I know he's planning a weeks camping in the lakes with friends too. More his budget. I think youncant ask the student to pay , ans if u do its very unlikely he's going to come

I wouldn't have paid £500+ to go on holiday with my parents when I was at uni. You can ask but be prepared for them declining.
Bear in mind you can't change the cost once they've agreed and honestly they don't have a lot of money so I wouldn't apply any pressure, you don't want to encourage them to spend beyond their means

Actually a very good point that they could could on the same holiday without for half the price.

@zoeFromCity

Have you ever taken your older DC abroad? Even as young children? If so, just go now with your youngest and plan an all family break in the UK.

It sounds no one in your group can afford to pay double holidays abroad (you to pay for both you and older children, they to go both with you and with friends), so it would be huge compromise at best.
One option would be to come up with a plan when pooling the money would get more value for you all than each would get individually (for example going by one car, sharing bigger apartment there and if your adult children are good pals, planning part of the time together, part for them to do some exploration on their own ), but the other limitations in your situation (school holidays, SEN youngest) might cause that such option just won't be.

Anyway, enjoy your holiday, you deserve it :)

Thank you 😊 older dc have had some holidays abroad just youngest first one,

That's fine, but be prepared for them to decline. 500 for a family holiday in your early twenties is a lot. They could go gallivanting for a month round Europe with their friends for that instead of a week by the pool with mum and dad. And if I'm completely honest, if I had DC in their early twenties I would rather they made the gallivanting round Europe choice

We have two adult sons and two younger ones and we’ve invited the big ones and said we will pay flights and accommodation but they have to contribute fairly and pay their own way when we are there. One has jumped at the chance to come and the other has decided to go with his mates and that’s absolutely fine.

I can’t imagine asking them on a family holiday and not paying for them or at least some of it.

I wouldn't ask the student to pay. They probably won't be able to afford it and even if they could would they want to spend it on a family holiday? Maybe they want to save a deposit for a flat instead.

I am quietly amused by the adult kids who may not want to join parents for a holiday even if the parents pay, and the discussions about when to stop paying and if they do, how much,

Our DSs are 48 and 50, with four DCs and two partners between them and we still pay for them, though they contribute to skiing extras. Everyone is happy, we can afford it, all it affects is their inheritance and they are chilled about that.

However there were a few years when they were students or starting to work when they were not keen to come with us, understandably, and we were less able to afford it.

No you're not but it will be up to them if they want to go or not! X

I'd just let them pay for themselves, however, I've not been on holiday with my parents since I was 13-14.
I always think it looks a bit odd when teenagers and young adults are on holiday with mummy and daddy.

We go on holiday with my parents frequently. We all pay our own way. Have done this since my early 20s.