Adult children coming on holiday- who pays?

[autienotnaughty]

So we have two adult children (early twenties) and one younger child (under ten). One dc works full time the other is at uni and works part time. We want to do a week abroad this year but can not afford to pay for adult children too. It's our first holiday abroad in a number of years. Last 7 years have all been uk in cottages/caravans and we have always paid for everything. I've not spoke to dc yet but I want to invite them but ask them to pay their own flight /hotel I'm aiming around £500 pp then maybe ask for a contribution towards food but us pay the majority. Drinks (alcohol) just get our own. AIBU?

We pay for our young adult DDs. We go away on our own, just me and DH, and also with them, a mixture. I like their company and if I want them there, we pay.

Your adult DC are very unlikely to choose holidaying with you over doing their own thing if they have to pay for what you've chosen. I really think if you want them to come away with you and you can't afford to take them you have to involve them in the decision-making and be fully prepared for them to say 'No thanks'. No way would I have gone on holiday with my parents in my 20s - I had much more fun things to do with my time and money.

I think it depends on the circumstances to a certain point.

If it is 'we would love everyone to go on holiday together as a family' at your suggestion, then I think you pay majority of the costs.

If it is 'we are going on holiday with smaller sibling to X, it would lovely if you came along but we would need you to contribute' obviously they pay their way (assuming it is reasonable for Uni student to afford it).

To be honest I think most young adult children would only choose to go if it is a freebie....

Agree with pp that if you want them to pay the split of the holiday like that, then they should have equal contribution to time and place, so it's not just the dates that suit your annual leave and younger DCs school hols.

If you're struggling to pay then I think it's fine to ask them if they can contribute.

If parents can afford it then I would say parents should pay, but it's different if it's a stretch for you, and they are also working.

We take 2 adult dc away. Cottage split 4 ways. They contribute for food shopping.

My 22 year old son is studying and so I pay for him to come on holiday with us. TBH, I so happy he want to come with us (just me and his 12 yo bro) so it's a win-win.

If you ask them if they'd like to come, you do.
If they ask to come, they make a contribution.

The uni child is paid for and invited as a member of the family regardless.

If you want a family holiday I think you have to cut your cloth.

If you can’t afford to take them, book somewhere cheaper. You can’t bill a university student for a family holiday, that’s completely unreasonable.

We’re in a similar situation, and have paid flights, accommodation and general groceries for the older two but expect them to cover their spending money. We had to restrict our options to afford it, but that’s what it takes to have a family holiday when your children are young adults.

When I was starting out I couldn’t have afforded this. So long as your prepared that they might say no and not join you of course you can ask them to pay

@Thevoiceofreason2021

YANBU, however don’t be surprised or diss if they decline. They maybe adults but I doubt they are flush and may well prefer to spend their holiday elsewhere.

Yes. Its very useful in identifying whether they really want to go on the holiday, or whether they are just thinking they might as well take advantage of a freebie, but will mooch around enthusiastically while there.

One of my main goals is to be able to pay for family holidays as my children become adults!!

Depends on how you phrase it and don’t be offended if they choose not to go.
You want a lovely family holiday but you can only do that if you’re paying. So I’d tell them you are planning a holiday and would love for them to come but you can’t pay for them if they do and the cost will be x plus they will be paying for drinks/food etc.

Honestly I would just take the youngest.
We have large age gap and spent a few years forking out for the oldest ones beyond 18. It didn't really work.
From this year on, we are going to do a long weekend over the summer where we pay for accomodation and split takeaways. Hols with youngest far more enjoyable and affordable

Problem is, the older child who is working isn’t going to just have to pay £500, they’re going to have to use up their annual leave for a holiday someone else has chosen. I would say no

It never occurred to me to take DC away with us once they were at uni. I expected them to go back to their jobs and earn some money. DD works now and when she goes away with me , she pays her way.

Do they really want to go on holiday with parents at that age? I couldn't think of anything worse. Pretty sure they'd rather spend £500 on a holiday with their friend's or bf/gf. They should pay for themselves if they go though, even the uni student, they're adults not children.

How would you expect a uni student to afford this? I think if you ask them if they want to come you need to pay for them. Maybe they just buy their own alcohol if they want it additional to meals if you are getting a bottle of wine or whatnot? Depends what your other adult does really and how long they have been employed. Working full time on the checkout for 3 months, probably not, an accountant working for a year then not unreasonable.

If they were all adults it would be different but as they aren’t I would personally find it awkward.

I wouldn’t expect the student to fork out what could be months and months of saving from their PT job in order to go on holiday with their parents. No offence but they would probably prefer to go with friends/boyfriend for £500.

If you don’t charge the student, then the FT working child will be the only one of 3 that has to pay, and I would have been pissed of about that myself as a young adult.

Wouldn’t it be better just do a trip you can afford?

I’ve paid for my own holidays after the age of 18. Mainly because my parents couldn’t afford to go on holiday so I was going with friends. Wouldn’t of expected anything from them as I was working and an adult. That’s how I was brought up.

But then I have a friend whose parents are very generous and still help a lot towards holiday costs when they all go on holiday together even though she has a family and husband and they both work.

It depends what is affordable and family dynamics cos all are different. Also as adults do they want to join the holiday.

@CruCru

Problem is, the older child who is working isn’t going to just have to pay £500, they’re going to have to use up their annual leave for a holiday someone else has chosen. I would say no

And it will presumably be during the school holidays, to suit younger DC, and we all know that school holidays means £££££

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

I'm 54 and still couldn't afford to pay for myself, so I'd have to decline. Can they afford it?

Younger one depends what she works but after rent/food she has between 100-400 a month left to spend as she pleases. Elder one she usually has around 300 left after bills/food. So could save but would have less for socialising/clothes etc

Yes it has to be school holidays due to youngest child

@TheDuchessOfBeddington

If they were all adults it would be different but as they aren’t I would personally find it awkward.

I wouldn’t expect the student to fork out what could be months and months of saving from their PT job in order to go on holiday with their parents. No offence but they would probably prefer to go with friends/boyfriend for £500.

If you don’t charge the student, then the FT working child will be the only one of 3 that has to pay, and I would have been pissed of about that myself as a young adult.

Wouldn’t it be better just do a trip you can afford?

Exactly!!

@IMissSunnyDays

Do they really want to go on holiday with parents at that age? I couldn't think of anything worse. Pretty sure they'd rather spend £500 on a holiday with their friend's or bf/gf. They should pay for themselves if they go though, even the uni student, they're adults not children.

Yeah we regularly do trips days out etc as a full family.