Adult children coming on holiday- who pays?

[autienotnaughty]

So we have two adult children (early twenties) and one younger child (under ten). One dc works full time the other is at uni and works part time. We want to do a week abroad this year but can not afford to pay for adult children too. It's our first holiday abroad in a number of years. Last 7 years have all been uk in cottages/caravans and we have always paid for everything. I've not spoke to dc yet but I want to invite them but ask them to pay their own flight /hotel I'm aiming around £500 pp then maybe ask for a contribution towards food but us pay the majority. Drinks (alcohol) just get our own. AIBU?

If you can't afford to pay for them then it's totally fine to ask them to pay.

But don't be surprised if they choose the spend their money going on holiday with their friends instead.

I think it’s fine to ask for a contribution, and £500 is a reasonable amount. However, you can’t expect the student on part-time wages to pay the same as the full time person.

It depends how much you want them to go

If you really want them to join you, you pay and maybe ask them to cover spending money and their own food

If you're not fussed and just want to extend the invite then ask both to contribute towards their airfare and spending money

I think you’ll probably find they won’t want to come. Ours take it for granted we’re paying and would go off the idea very rapidly if we said we weren’t.

Agree with others, of course you can ask them but accept that a family holiday might just not be appealing to a 20 year old.

We have a young adult DS, if we want him to join us on holiday or for a weekend we would pay. He pays for his own holidays with mates or weekends rugby trips away ... I am being brutally honest in that he presumably prefers those to a holiday with his parents. As I did when I was his age.

Thinking about it, my mum is late 80s and she likes to go away for short breaks with me, and she always pays (she can afford it) ... I recognise that I am going as 'driver' and 'companion' so don't feel guilty about accepting the holiday.

In similar circumstances, working DC paid their own costs and we paid for our student DC. It was a cruise, so DH and I picked up the bill for their cabin, mainly drinks and tours. They offered to pay their cabin bill though.
Working DC lived at home, so we were aware of his outgoings, and knew he could afford it

@eldora

Yes, if they want to come they should pay.

At 20 (and a university student) I was taking my mum on holiday and paying for her.

When was this and how did you manage it?

I worked all through uni and would never have been able to afford that without getting into debt.

We're going on holiday this year with our 3 adult dc, and their partners. We are paying for the villa and flights for us and dc, we're asking partners to pay their own flights £230. We've also asked that each couple buy a meal out when we're there.

We are lucky that we can afford it, but I do reckon this will be the last big family holiday we have (dc are 18,20,22). In fact, I'm amazed they're all coming this time!

Why not get a villa and ask them - if they want to come- they need to get themselves there. In that way your costs are no different and you may (or may not) have their company as well.

@Roselilly36

We always pay for our DS’ 20 & nearly 19, they probably wouldn’t come on holiday with us otherwise! 😂

I'm concerned of the same!!

I feel a bit for your middle child. It's a lot of money for a student, and when your eldest was that age they got a free holiday. Sure it wasn't Abroad. But I still think you should sub the student. It's not equal, but it's fairer.

@Ilovenutellaaaaa

What about looking at all inclusive , it might work out cheaper than what you are planning to spend (£500 p.p) and then the food and drinks ,accomodation, flights, etc is already paid for,

And then if you all decide to dine out in a restaurant on holiday they can contribute..if try don't want to contribute ,you know that they will still get food from the hotel all inclusive food if you dine out and then eat at the hotel

That's a good idea thanks

This is a tricky one, it depends how badly you want the family to be all together.

Perhaps go 50/50 with the older ones as they may have plans of doing things with friends or saving for a car etc.

My twins (age 22) come with us and pay as say they prefer the hotels/places that we choose and enjoy time together.

@trunktoes

If you want them to come I think k you pay if you are not bothered you give them the option but if I were them I doubt I would want to come - the only reason 20 somethings holiday with their parents is because it's free - otherwise they might as well go on a holiday with their mates which would be more fun for them!!

True!! My last hol with parents was aged 15! They are always keen to come but yes may be less keen if paying

The only time we have gone on family holidays over the age of around 15 is because it’s been all paid for.

I’m not paying for a holiday I don’t get to pick the dates/location etc.

My in laws always go half board, I’d rather full board, they never pick places by the beach, I’d want by the beach etc

We don’t actually travel aboard anyway so would mean getting new passports and everything as well to likely use once before expiration which is exactly what our last holiday aboard was, paid for by the in-laws, half board, miles from anything. Passports used once then expired.

In my group of friends as a young adult none went on holiday with their parents except for the very wealthy who got an extra “free” ski holiday with their parents. If I had the money for a holiday I would have used it for budget travel and adventure. Certainly not a resort type holiday.
By all means give them the opportunity to join you but don’t be surprised if they don’t want to spend their own money to do so and please don’t guilt them into feeling they should.

@museumum

In my group of friends as a young adult none went on holiday with their parents except for the very wealthy who got an extra “free” ski holiday with their parents. If I had the money for a holiday I would have used it for budget travel and adventure. Certainly not a resort type holiday. By all means give them the opportunity to join you but don’t be surprised if they don’t want to spend their own money to do so and please don’t guilt them into feeling they should.

Totally fine either way just want them to be included if they want to.

I wouldn’t ask my university student dd to pay.

If you’re going to suit school holidays for your younger DC, then that carries a premium. They may well do the maths that £500 with parents during school holidays could get them 5* all inclusive with mates during term time!

Absolutely then yes they will chose to spend their own money on their own choice of holiday with friends.

We’re going on an 8 day holiday overseas combined with a niece’s wedding. I will be paying for accommodation and car hire. I have asked working DC and partner to pay their own air fare. 2nd DC is working sporadically due to freelance arts career so will pay their air fare unless they have a FT job by then.

Dd is 19y and at university, so no income.
If we invite her to come away with us, we pay. We pay because we want her to come away. If we didn't pay she couldn't afford it. We also pay for all expenses when away - we can afford to and want her there.

When she is working and earning things may change a bit. It will mainly depend on if we are inviting or she is asking, as well as other factors. But certainly initially I suspect we will invite her on some holidays and offer to pay, but we are financially able to do so.

I suppose it massively depends on financial situation. We have always had family holidays fully paid (and all in our 30s) but they have lots more money and the cost wouldn’t be something they have to think about. Although not sure I would’ve gone in my 20s if it wasn’t free! I say if you can pay it’s nice to have that family bond but if you can’t afford it then I suppose they will know that you don’t have the spare cash and can decide if that’s how they want to spend their money?

My DC are 21 and 23 and we pay for the whole holiday for them. We go on one very expensive family holiday each year with them and they couldn’t afford to pay for it themselves not that we’d ask them to. We can easily afford to pay for them.
They do other cheaper things with their friends.

You can ask but anyone who is contributing should also get a choice in the holiday itself. My MIL did something like this once. She was having a family reunion abroad (her home country) and begged us to go along even though it would have taken up all the annual leave we had left and we had been planning something else. We agreed to consider it. Then it emerged that we were expected to pay not just for our flights and spends but half the accommodation and car hire costs (sharing with PIL who expected us to sleep in the living room while they had the bedroom etc). Effectively massively subsidising a trip of their choice that we weren't even that keen on. We declined. She wasn't happy! (PIL were very well off if that's relevant. )

I do think you should cover most/all costs of a student child though.