Adult children coming on holiday- who pays?

[autienotnaughty]

So we have two adult children (early twenties) and one younger child (under ten). One dc works full time the other is at uni and works part time. We want to do a week abroad this year but can not afford to pay for adult children too. It's our first holiday abroad in a number of years. Last 7 years have all been uk in cottages/caravans and we have always paid for everything. I've not spoke to dc yet but I want to invite them but ask them to pay their own flight /hotel I'm aiming around £500 pp then maybe ask for a contribution towards food but us pay the majority. Drinks (alcohol) just get our own. AIBU?

I am paying for my adult ds and hus gf to come on holiday with us. They are both working full time but have just bought their first house so a holiday wasnt going to be possible this year ( well the one that we are doing) I paid last year as well as they were saving.. same for Ds2 and his gf as they were apprentices last year and buying a house this year.( separate holidays)

@5128gap true😂😂

What about looking at all inclusive , it might work out cheaper than what you are planning to spend (£500 p.p) and then the food and drinks ,accomodation, flights, etc is already paid for,

I agree with the above.

And, if your adult children are paying or contributing then they have input into the timing, destination, travel arrangements etc. They may wish to decline so be prepared for that.

You are asking them to save quite a lot to come on a family holiday - it’s much tougher starting out than it was for our generation so don’t be hurt if they chose not to come . Personally I’d go somewhere cheaper and include them - maybe split the cost

£500 is a LOT of money at that stage in your life, so I wouldn't be surprised if they said no. Honestly I'd have been sad if my parents expected me to pay for myself at that stage, and if it was between going on a family holiday or a holiday with friends, I'd have chosen the latter. I think you probably need to at least subsidise it.

Can't you do it that they pay for their own flights & expenses when they're there but you pay for the villa / airbnb?

@Santahasjoinedww

We take 2 adult dc away. Cottage split 4 ways. They contribute for food shopping.

That's what we usually do it's just more expensive going abroad flights etc. youngest has never been abroad because of cost.

@MichelleScarn

Agree with pp that if you want them to pay the split of the holiday like that, then they should have equal contribution to time and place, so it's not just the dates that suit your annual leave and younger DCs school hols.

Not feasible youngest has asd so needs to meet his needs.

I think you need to consider what you would do if one can afford it and the other can’t. Will you be happy on a family holiday knowing you’ve left one child behind?

Nah the whole point of the family holiday after you leave home is that it’s free. You’re talking about a lot of money relative to their incomes and I’d be quite surprised if at their age they wanted to scrimp and save to go away with their parents.

I’d reassess your priorities. If you want the family holiday together then do a cheaper UK break. If you want to abroad and get some sun then go just the 2 of you.

@NellieWellietheEllie

I think a full time student (assuming they're registered on a full time course - I think whether they have a part-time job is irrelevant) is completely different to a young working adult. Your middle child is getting a rough deal here.

Yeah if I pay for her elder will be offended but if I don't I agree it's harsh on her. But in terms of spare cash they are on similar terms.

@trunktoes

If you want them to come I think k you pay if you are not bothered you give them the option but if I were them I doubt I would want to come - the only reason 20 somethings holiday with their parents is because it's free - otherwise they might as well go on a holiday with their mates which would be more fun for them!!

I think this. Not at that stage yet, but I'd expect them to pay flight at the most and pay for everything else for them including meals out.

Have older kids had many abroad hols?

That was a working class question with middle class answers.

I think you just need to have a conversation with them and say that you'd love them to come, but can't afford to pay for them, so this is what you think it would cost if they'd like to come. Honestly, in my early 20s, my mum paid for any holidays we took together as I would not have financially been in a position to pay as a student. Even when working, I would have preferred to spend what very little 'fun money' I had left on a holiday with friends, rather than a trip with family.

I do think that holidays are still quite a luxury for most people who are just getting started in work, so if you would like to include them, the best approach is to do something you could afford to pay for everyone. But if you can't, it's okay to just to honest that it's not possible, but you'd love them to come if they can. I think the tricky bit will be though if the FT working one can afford to come, but the student can't, because that's a bit harsh to leave one child out.

The reality is ,for most young adults is that if it’s a freebie they will come but if they pay they would probably rather me on a mates holiday .

@IMissSunnyDays

Do they really want to go on holiday with parents at that age? I couldn't think of anything worse. Pretty sure they'd rather spend £500 on a holiday with their friend's or bf/gf. They should pay for themselves if they go though, even the uni student, they're adults not children.

Mine always wanted to come, and still do, happily paying for themselves. Now, when we can finally get away again, they will be bringing their partners along. Even when at uni DS paid to come with us, just as he paid to go away with his friends. We might be a family, but we are also a group of adults choosing to go on holiday together. There's no reason why I should have to pay for that just because I'm their mother.

I wouldnt have gone if i had to pay would rather save and have my own holiday with partner/freinds

I never expected my parents to pay for me to go on holiday as soon as I was 18. They never did. I never 'expected' to go. I worked all the way through uni though so could always afford to go away with my mates, which is what I wanted to do!

If you expect your adult children to pay (which is totally reasonable btw) then you have to expect them to have a say in the holiday and that it is their holiday too.

The problem with continuing to go on family holidays with adult DCs is that it can get to the point where they feel they are just tagging along on your holiday and the ball is always in your court.

I can’t see a problem with the working DC paying £500 pp but I think that is actually very high for a student or someone with a low income. £350 seems more reasonable.

Have you considered a holiday you could drive to/ take the ferry or Chunnel? It would avoid the current faff of flying with your youngest and as many as wanted to go could all pile in. Rent a gite in France, do Centre Parcs or something?

In your situation I'd book a holiday abroad with just your DH and youngest child, and a holiday in the UK with all of you. Although that might end up costing more than just paying for your elder two!

I don't think many adult DCs would want to scrimp and save to go away with family.

@BigSandyBalls2015
Thank you yes we are lucky a family member loans us a cottage every year so we will do that as a whole family

At the end of the day you can't afford a holiday abroad for everyone. It needs to be a discussion. Would they like to come abroad with you and pay. Or would they prefer to stay in the UK and have you pay.

@Hopeisnotastrategy

Have you considered a holiday you could drive to/ take the ferry or Chunnel? It would avoid the current faff of flying with your youngest and as many as wanted to go could all pile in. Rent a gite in France, do Centre Parcs or something?

That's a great idea thank you

I know DS wouldn't come if I asked him to pay - at 18 he has priorities other than spending time with his parents and younger sibling (car, eating out, nights out etc.). He'd probably prefer to pay for a holiday with his girlfriend or his friends!

I'd like him to come on a family holiday this year as we've missed out for the last few years, but I'll pay for his hotel room, flight and meals. He can provide his own spending money.

If I couldn't afford it then I'd ask him to pay, but I couldn't really expect him to come with us to be honest.