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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have my pyjamas on when MIL visits?

333 replies

ashorterday · 23/01/2022 16:58

MIL is visiting this evening. Today I've been out walking, come home had a nice bath and put PJs on.

DH thinks I should get dressed, I'm willing to compromise with a hoody over the PJs but the spotty trousers will give it away.

Am I a slattern for even considering it? MIL is too polite to mention it.

OP posts:
TheWitchOfShields · 23/01/2022 17:48

Meh! My MIL came to mine this afternoon to collect my son and both DH and I were in PJs. My friend popped round at 2pm - again still in PJs (hadn't slept in them, only put them on when I got up), I only got dressed 15 mins ago for work Shock

I picked DH up on Friday from the club in PJs, and also dropped my parents and their friend off to. No one batted an eyelid lol.

Ourlady · 23/01/2022 17:48

Blimey, you’re in your own home on an evening not hosting some fancy dinner party. I would be telling your husband to sod off.

speakout · 23/01/2022 17:49

Wear what you want.
I would feel very unconfortable wearing pjs during the day and especially when guests visit.

Notcontent · 23/01/2022 17:50

Just to turn this around: the people saying PJs are fine, would you be happy for your DH/DP to wear PJs if you had your parents or a friend coming?

Original poster
ashorterday · 23/01/2022 17:50

DH just asked if I was getting dressed, if I'd said "am I heck" he wouldn't have commented further but it was obvious he thought it a bit weird to wear them when she was visiting.

OP posts:
Warmduscher · 23/01/2022 17:51

@crazyjinglist

There are some funny people on here! Some of the replies sound like you’re living in downton Abbey.

Yep, wearing jeans and a t-shirt rather than looking like you're going to bed definitely makes someone sound like they're in Downton Abbey Hmm

I don't think it's odd at all. The 'must get into my jammies so that I'm super comfy and cosy' thing seems to be a relatively recent phenomenon (for adults anyway). Did your parents or grandparents hang around in their pyjamas in the early evening or daytime or when they had visitors? And if not, was that really because they were members of the landed gentry in a period drama?

I agree. I blame all this “hygge” nonsense.

I don’t know anyone, friends or family, who would put nightwear on when someone was coming to visit. It just seems weird to me. But I know it’s very much a thing on MN.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 23/01/2022 17:52

I chatted to FIL in my pyjamas and dressing down yesterday, he was collecting DH and DS. He definitely wouldn't care. MIL wouldn't either and could probably be persuaded bribed with wine to turn up in her own pyjamas to take the piss out of DH.

JustLyra · 23/01/2022 17:52

I think that entirely would depend on your relationship with your MIL.

She lives with us now, but before she did I wouldn't have changed out of PJs because MIL wasn't a 'visitor'. If your MIL is a visitor then yes I'd change, but MIL was just part of our house who happened to live elsewhere (if that makes sense).

DH's Granny I would dress for as she's a visitor.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 23/01/2022 17:54

The "visitor" tag is probably what matters most. Do your PIL want you to love them as family, or to show them respect as a visitor? Use that to guide pyjamas and other decisions.

ancientgran · 23/01/2022 17:56

@Notcontent

Just to turn this around: the people saying PJs are fine, would you be happy for your DH/DP to wear PJs if you had your parents or a friend coming?
Depends on the pyjamas, if they were the ones with an open fly I don't think it would be great, if they were more like joggers and a matching sweatshirt then fine.
Nancydrawn · 23/01/2022 17:57

Highly recommend some cashmere joggers. M&S have a decent range, actually.

www.marksandspencer.com/pure-cashmere-tapered-ankle-grazer-joggers/p/clp60466768?color=NAVY#intid=prodColourId-60455932

Original poster
ashorterday · 23/01/2022 17:57

@JustUseTheDoorSanta

The "visitor" tag is probably what matters most. Do your PIL want you to love them as family, or to show them respect as a visitor? Use that to guide pyjamas and other decisions.
This is a fair point, and why I've given in to clothing. We have a polite but friendly relationship with MIL, she wouldn't put the kettle on and make her own coffee so she counts as a "visitor" I think.
OP posts:
Dasher789 · 23/01/2022 17:57

In your position id say crack on. If you see her every week you must be quite comfortable in each others company and its only a coffee. I wouldn't if mil was coming but only because I'm not close to her at all nor overly comfortable around her.

DoctorSnortles · 23/01/2022 17:57

@Holly60

It’s funny, isn’t it, because absolutely no-one in my family would be seen dead slobbing about in pyjamas. We are a close family, but one that manages to dress itself.

OneSolitaryCornflake · 23/01/2022 18:00

@ashorterday

She comes every week, it's not a formal dinner just coffee and a chat up.

What's my relationship got to do with it 😂 DH just said "Aren't you going to get dressed? MIL is coming soon" Not "I demand you get dressed you filthy whore!"

Hahaha this made me laugh.

Along as they are fairly covery PJs and not frilly lacy nightie type things I don't see the issue

Marchitectmummy · 23/01/2022 18:01

I would always get dressed for a visitor. It's not much effort is it?

StarsAreWishes · 23/01/2022 18:03

She’s your family, surely you should be able to wear your PJs in front of her.

Original poster
ashorterday · 23/01/2022 18:03

@Marchitectmummy

I would always get dressed for a visitor. It's not much effort is it?
Do not fear, I'm now dressed!
OP posts:
Honeymint · 23/01/2022 18:04

If you’re close and it’s informal then wear whatever you like!

Sometimes when my sister pops over after a bad day at work, she brings he pjs and we chat and watch tv together. It’s comfy and casual and fun.
My mum wouldn’t do that, but she does bring slippers? Maybe it’s a generational thing as well.

Technonan · 23/01/2022 18:06

My DIL sometimes wears pyjamas when I'm visiting. I'm glad she can be relaxed with me.

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2022 18:06

@tvcc

Eating dinner together, get dressed.

Chatting and watching tv, pyjamas

Why do you have to get dressed for dinner in your own home? It's not a hotel.
MajorCarolDanvers · 23/01/2022 18:06

I would only wear pjs for a visitor if I was unwell.

Put your clothes.

merrymouse · 23/01/2022 18:06

I think that if you think of her as part of the family and you are wearing clean nice pyjamas ‘lounge wear’ is fine.

OverByYer · 23/01/2022 18:07

If she was coming for dinner Id get dressed but otherwise I would say she's family, I don't see family visiting as formal guests.
If I was in my pyjamas id make sure they were clean ones and id probably keep my bra on, no one needs to see my norks flapping about

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 23/01/2022 18:08

Actual pyjamas I think I'd find a bit weird. But loungewear (big baggy jumper & relaxed leggings) would be totally fine! I don't know why there is a difference between the two in my head, but there is Grin. I don't actually own any pyjamas though, just a lot of what is known in our house as 'slobby clothes'. So you sort of are still dressed, but comfortable.