To have my pyjamas on when MIL visits?

[ashorterday]

MIL is visiting this evening. Today I've been out walking, come home had a nice bath and put PJs on.

DH thinks I should get dressed, I'm willing to compromise with a hoody over the PJs but the spotty trousers will give it away.

Am I a slattern for even considering it? MIL is too polite to mention it.

I think it's the 'visitor' tag rather than the 'MIL' tag that matters.

My MIL has known me over a decade. When I first met DH he was living with her while studying for a new career, so we saw each other first thing before caffeine fairly early on.

She's also watched me push a human out of my body.

She doesn't count as a 'visitor', she's family.

But if we weren't so close, as OP describes, I'd probably put something else on. I have some wide legged stretchy 'yoga' trousers for days where I'm not leaving the house.

what is it about wearing clothes and not nightwear that makes people feel they can’t relax? Do people genuinely feel tense unless they’re wearing their nightwear?

Exactly. What's so tense-making or uncomfortable about jeans and a t-shirt? Has everything except pyjamas now been re-classified as formal wear and nobody told me?

I'm one of those people that don't change into PJs as soon as I cross the threshold, I know a lot of people do though, but personally it would embarrass me to visit someone who was dressed like that.

@greatestsnowonearth

Re the washing thing - what's the difference between putting on clean PJs and clean clothes ? If your PJs are daywear rather than nightwear, why would they create any less washing than wearing clothes would? In fact, if you're not wearing knickers under them (because they're PJs), then surely they're going to create more washing than chucking on (say) a pair of jeans after your bath, when all you'll have to wash afterwards is the pants you had on underneath?

WHO DOESN'T WEAR PANTS UNDER PJ'S???

Surely you'd then have to change your PJ bottoms every day?

Exactly. What's so tense-making or uncomfortable about jeans and a t-shirt? Has everything except pyjamas now been re-classified as formal wear and nobody told me?

It’s just not as cosy.

Obviously you should wear jeans if you prefer.

@TolkiensFallow

I wouldn’t put pyjamas on if I knew someone was coming round. I think it’s odd and implies you don’t want to host them.

I tend to use my words, rather than sartorial choices, to convey my desire to host people @TolkiensFallow.

& if I'm visiting someone, paying attention to their words, demeanor & body language is a far more useful indicator then whether they are wearing pyjamas. Or jodhpurs, a ballgown, or a boiler suit.

Mark you, if they're sporting double denim, obviously I make my excuses & leave.
As several PP have pointed out, there are STANDARDS.

I wouldn't have felt self conscious wearing pyjamas if my MIL was visiting, but I don't like wearing pyjamas during the day. I would have just put a sweatshirt and some jogging bottoms on instead of pyjamas.

Definitely no pyjamas for company, no! I even get changed quickly if a delivery driver arrives, so I definitely wouldn't entertain in nightwear!

@merrymouse

Exactly. What's so tense-making or uncomfortable about jeans and a t-shirt? Has everything except pyjamas now been re-classified as formal wear and nobody told me?

It’s just not as cosy.

Obviously you should wear jeans if you prefer.

But why do all clothes have to be “cosy”?

Why does everyone want to look like an adult baby these days?

Pjs are fine. Frankly, they’re a step up from my footie jammies with the butt flap. Those I might change, depending on who’s visiting. Adult daughter? Nah. Anyone else, probably

If I arrived to someone's house and they wearing pins, I would assume they just got up/were ill/new mum/about to go to bed.

I would assume they didn't want me staying long and would cut short the visit. Do you want MIL to leave quickly?

I would never were PJs when someone is calling over.

I'm in my 50s and my 2 eldest although teens are in serious relationships. It wouldn't bother me that they wore pjs and I would probably join them! I don't judge people about what they wear and rate comfort over style

Perhaps OP should invest in some of these 'pajamas'.

(And yes, I'm old enough to remember women wearing these)

@TheCanyon

People fascinate me. I don't think there's many folks we know that haven't seen me in my pjs. In fact my friend/neighbour felt my forehead the other day when I was dressed.

Mine is lounge wear type stuff. Harem or jersey trousers I had jeans on the other day and the postman said "you look smart" (we have had the same one all through covid so he's seen me go from work clothes to pjs to lounge wear)

But why do all clothes have to be “cosy”?

They don’t. You can wear whatever you want.

Also people don’t all want to be cosy all the time, but a cold January Sunday evening with family is a pretty good time to be cosy.

Ironically, given some comments here, there are also still plenty of places that would allow entrance in unstructured, loose trousers but not jeans.

But why do all clothes have to be “cosy”?

Well, why not? Especially in one’s own home? I don’t understand what the purpose is of being uncomfortable in your own home because someone else might have a negative opinion of it. Why are their feelings about how I’M dressed more important than mine?

I seriously don’t get it. If you’re going out in public, or someone else’s home, dressing appropriately is a consideration to be made, absolutely. But at home?

My MIL didn’t approve of shorts, tank tops, or shirts that the neckline was lower than the hollow of my throat. We didn’t have air conditioning. I wasn’t about to risk heat stroke wearing jeans (she barely tolerated those, either. Slacks were preferred). And my shorts were knee length or an inch or so higher. Not like my butt was hanging out. And shirts that rest against my throat make me feel like I’m choking.

And I wasn’t about to dress my kids according to her ridiculous modesty standards either.

No but then I have standards

Who doesn't wear underwear under their PJs?

Quite a lot of people, according to this thread, with all the talk of bum cracks showing. FWIW i don't either, but then I'm only ever sleeping in them.

And I'm not talking about people getting into their PJs early evening after a bath and then going to bed in them later - that's just getting ready for bed early in my book, and I wouldn't do it if I had visitors, but I don't think it's odd. What's strange to me is people putting on pyjamas instead of clothes, and then changing out of them again before they go to bed.

@burnthur5t

No but then I have standards

What's with comments like this lately? Why do so many people feel like they're 'above' others on this site?

I've noticed this too Kurt
Nothing wrong with doing things differently to others. Doesn't mate one person better or worse.

Don't really understand the talk of hosting and events. Surely a mum or MIL popping over for a coffee is hardly an event. What's the difference between pj bottoms and a hoodie compared to leggings/joggers and a hoodie? I think it would be more odd to have a bath, get dressed and then put on pj's.

The more you wear PJ’s/lounge wear, the more uncomfortable “regular” clothes feel. When I used to work out of the house I didn’t bother changing when I got home at 7, just stayed in my work clothes until bedtime.

I’ve now been wfh for 3 years and the first thing I do after being out is change into something more comfy. My outside clothes aren’t uncomfortable as such, I just feel more comfortable in soft, loose clothing. Things I wouldn’t wear out of the house as they show all my lumps and bumps!

I’m glad things are less formal now. I grew up having to always be dressed by 8am no matter what and it got on my nerves. Now I’m an adult I do as I please.

Hosting? Standards? I would feel more awkward if I had to be dressed a certain way and "host" family and friends. "Official" visitors (e.g. Health visitor, contractors), yes, but it would be weird to be dressed a certain way for our parents coming round and "hosting" rather than "do you want a cup of tea MIL? FIL you know where the biscuits are, help yourself", etc.

I'd wear leggings or some loungewear bottoms. As good as pj's but still technically dressed.

@DressingPafe

The more you wear PJ’s/lounge wear, the more uncomfortable “regular” clothes feel. When I used to work out of the house I didn’t bother changing when I got home at 7, just stayed in my work clothes until bedtime.

I’ve now been wfh for 3 years and the first thing I do after being out is change into something more comfy. My outside clothes aren’t uncomfortable as such, I just feel more comfortable in soft, loose clothing. Things I wouldn’t wear out of the house as they show all my lumps and bumps!

I’m glad things are less formal now. I grew up having to always be dressed by 8am no matter what and it got on my nerves. Now I’m an adult I do as I please.

But even most jeans these days have lycra in the fabric, plus trousers, knitwear and hoodies all seem to be “oversized” and made from some version of a stretchy, jersey fabric.

I saw a photo of Vicky McClure in the paper last weekend, wearing a huge oversized pink cable-knit trouser suit thing that made her look like she was drowning in jumpers.

This is what normal clothes are like these days so I can’t understand why people think the only clothes you can relax in are nightclothes and anything else is uncomfortable.