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New parents being too sensitive
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vicprice88 · 23/01/2022 12:59

I had a very close knit group of friends and I was the only one in the group with children until one of my friends fell pregnant with the baby due in December (same sex couple, friends with both).

Normally I'll mention my children's birthday's coming up but I have no expectation of them as child-free people to do anything beyond mention it in the whatsapp group or pass on good wishes.

This year nobody remarked at all on my DS birthday and a couple of days later I mentioned in the WhatsApp group that I was slightly hurt that nobody said anything. One of the mums to be responded that 'we have more important things on our mind just now' and the group chat is now dead in the water, nobody has posted since then.

I have since individually messaged them and thought things were fine. I had bought some gifts for the baby just as I had seen things I knew they would really like and put them away in the cupboard.

I had an evening out with one of our mutual friends in December and remarked that our friends due date had passed, was there any talk of inducing her? She hesitated and said that she thought there was maybe talk of something and then she panicked and said 'I'm so sorry, he was born last week and they asked me not to tell you'. Mum and baby are both healthy and all went well. Our mutual friend told me his name.

I hesitated slightly over this but wrapped up the gifts and sent them along with a congratulations card in the post (they live quite nearby but it didn't feel right to drop by). A few days after it would have been received, both messaged me thanking me for the lovely gifts and said it was kind of me.

They don't use social media and I haven't seen any photos. A week or so later I asked my friend of 17 years how her partner was getting along post birth and she sent me a message along the lines of 'I can't believe you're trying to pretend everything is normal after you had a tantrum over us forgetting DS birthday. You hardly ever asked after partner during pregnancy and then you send a gift as if everything is fine?".

Things will still be hectic and emotions all over the place for both of them so what is the sensible course of action here?

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Carinattheliqorstore1 · 23/01/2022 13:01

Was there complications or anything during the pregnancy. The fact that she said “we have other things on our mind” makes me think so. Did you ask after her and the baby during pregnancy?

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vicprice88 · 23/01/2022 13:02

Forgot using * brings up a word as bold, didn't mean to make partner sound sarcastic!

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Flocon · 23/01/2022 13:02

Leave them be

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Flocon · 23/01/2022 13:03

@Carinattheliqorstore1

Was there complications or anything during the pregnancy. The fact that she said “we have other things on our mind” makes me think so. Did you ask after her and the baby during pregnancy?

That's what I was thinking
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vicprice88 · 23/01/2022 13:05

@Carinattheliqorstore1

Was there complications or anything during the pregnancy. The fact that she said “we have other things on our mind” makes me think so. Did you ask after her and the baby during pregnancy?

No complications with pregnancy and I asked after her often and saw her fairly frequently while she was pregnant. Even after the incident in the group chat I kept in touch with her asking how it was going and letting her know I was happy to help with any advice having had two children myself. She was always fairly responsive to my messages.
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poissonrouge1 · 23/01/2022 13:05

This is a lot of drama.

I wouldn’t have mentioned being annoyed that no one remarked on the children’s birthdays.


They also sound really difficult

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Cocomarine · 23/01/2022 13:08

I think it depends a bit on the exact wording of you expressing this “hurt” that your son’s birthday was forgotten. And also how true their accusation was that you hardly asked after them during pregnancy.

The polite reply to your gift means nothing. Even when angry, many people are polite and follow form for thanking for gifts.

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BrambleRoses · 23/01/2022 13:08

This is in no way aimed at you personally but I would say as a general point that a group chat is the absolute worst place to bring up not being happy about something. People feel (understandably imo) defensive when admonished in public.

I think this may be why they’ve reacted in the way that they have - I’m not saying it’s right but they seem to have taken it personally.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/01/2022 13:09

I don’t think I would have bothered bringing up the “no one mentioned Ds’s birthdays” but I also don’t think it’s a huge deal that you did.

They’re over reacting a lot which must be v awkward for your other friends. You can’t make them re connect with you though so I’d take a step back.

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ThePrionOne · 23/01/2022 13:09

One of the mums to be responded that 'we have more important things on our mind just now' and the group chat is now dead in the water, nobody has posted since then.

I think I might have responded to this with an apology, then contacted them privately to see if all was okay.

I have since individually messaged them and thought things were fine.

Did they respond to you normally at this point?

Difficult to know why they’re reacting as they are. There could be reasons, but it’s also possible they’re the kind of people who are all or nothing and take offence easily.

Sorry, OP, very difficult without more detail.

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TheSnowyOwl · 23/01/2022 13:09

I would assume there is more to this. Either something you didn’t pick up on, weren’t aware of but they thought you were, or you weren’t close enough to have been told. Was your friend sensitive that she felt her partner was being excluded in your chats?

Sending the gift after you knew they didn’t want you to know sounds quite PA.

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ThePrionOne · 23/01/2022 13:11

Sorry, cross-posted. They sound touchy.

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ChaToilLeam · 23/01/2022 13:11

You all sound rather oversensitive.

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teaandchocolate1 · 23/01/2022 13:12

Your friend sounds like hard work and like a drama queen.

It was a bit sensitive for you to complain that nobody said something about your son's birthday.

However, she should have moved on from it now. It seems like she wants to keep the drama going.

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DoTheMerengue · 23/01/2022 13:14

I wouldn’t have brought up the fact that no-one mentioned DS’s birthday. I don’t expect my friends to remember DD’s birthday - some do, some don’t, doesn’t bother me either way.

Having said that, doing so is hardly a reason to end a close friendship, so they’re not being reasonable.

Either way, I’d just leave it.

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vicprice88 · 23/01/2022 13:14

@Cocomarine

I think it depends a bit on the exact wording of you expressing this “hurt” that your son’s birthday was forgotten. And also how true their accusation was that you hardly asked after them during pregnancy.

The polite reply to your gift means nothing. Even when angry, many people are polite and follow form for thanking for gifts.

Didn't take me long to scroll back as it was the second last message in the chat.

'went to the new cinema in town to see the new Disney film for DS birthday on Thursday- highly recommend both the film and the cinema! I know everyone has a lot on just now but I'm a wee bit hurt that nobody remembered to pass on birthday wishes this year'

And it's not true at all that I didn't ask after my friend during pregnancy, I checked in regularly.
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harriethoyle · 23/01/2022 13:18

Gosh, you all sound incredibly high maintenance and touchy... I'm exhausted reading all the messages second. You were ridiculous raising your hurt about DS birthday and they're now being similarly ridiculous carrying it on, particularly having accepted your gift.

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GrapefruitPink · 23/01/2022 13:18

I mean it does all sound very odd doesn't it.

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harriethoyle · 23/01/2022 13:18

Second *hand

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Flocon · 23/01/2022 13:19

I know everyone has a lot on just now but I'm a wee bit hurt that nobody remembered to pass on birthday wishes this year' I wouldn't be happy getting that tbh.

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girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 13:20

Honestly I think your message was as bad as hers. Everyone just needs to apologise and move on.

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vicprice88 · 23/01/2022 13:20

@ThePrionOne

One of the mums to be responded that 'we have more important things on our mind just now' and the group chat is now dead in the water, nobody has posted since then.

I think I might have responded to this with an apology, then contacted them privately to see if all was okay.

I have since individually messaged them and thought things were fine.

Did they respond to you normally at this point?

Difficult to know why they’re reacting as they are. There could be reasons, but it’s also possible they’re the kind of people who are all or nothing and take offence easily.

Sorry, OP, very difficult without more detail.

Yes all messages were responded to normally in individual messages and I had spoken to all six members.

I asked both parents how they were getting on with the pregnancy, made dinner plans with another friend, spoke about upcoming events with another. All very civil and normal. Including with the friend who has had this sudden reaction.
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MsChatterbox · 23/01/2022 13:20

It's a shame a long friendship has come to this for such minor things! I personally cba with drama so would step back but if you want the friendship to continue maybe just apologise but in your mind know you're doing it to be the bigger person.

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DoTheMerengue · 23/01/2022 13:21

@Flocon

I know everyone has a lot on just now but I'm a wee bit hurt that nobody remembered to pass on birthday wishes this year' I wouldn't be happy getting that tbh.

I agree. Not sure what the purpose of raising it was?
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RockAndHardPlace1 · 23/01/2022 13:22

Just step back and don't bother anymore. To much drama from both sides.

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