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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to take 6months paternity leave

241 replies

Beeswax2022 · 22/01/2022 15:43

AIBU to not want DH at home with me for SIX consecutive months?
He has the option to spread it over a year so could do 2months at home, 2months at work etc which is a much better option IMO. Baby will benefit from some quality time with him when he/she is a little bit older and probably partly bottle fed by then etc.
Surely I can’t be the only person who would hate their DH to be home for a full 6months, especially after giving birth!?
Of course, I want him to have a good amount of time at the beginning to bond with our newborn but not a whole 6months in one go.
I probably sound selfish but he’s not an easy, chilled person to be around. He is in your face, loud, needy and constantly needs tv/iPad on. Baby and I will need peace and quiet a lot of the time Smile

I can handle all this for the evenings and weekends but not for that many months and for 24/7 (he doesn’t go out much)
This will be our 4th baby and he has never been in the position to take more than 2 weeks paternity for the others…. Maybe I just need to accept his choice and how he wants to take his paternity leave…

OP posts:
JigglyPiggly · 22/01/2022 15:45

YABU

If he isn't an easy person to be around you shouldn't have tethered yourself to him for 18+ years

Porcupineintherough · 22/01/2022 15:48

He's not an easy person to be around but good enough to have 4 kids with. Good luck w explaining that to him!

Yebbie · 22/01/2022 15:49

He's really lucky to have such a good paternity package, my partner struggled with only getting two weeks so that's really good that he will have more time to help you, and bond with baby. YABU to begrudge him that time, as it is his baby too and most men don't get that opportunity.

But whilst saying that I do agree that he would of done my head in being home for 6 months, I loved my little baby and me bubble, so I'm unreasonable too Grin

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/01/2022 15:51

Why on Earth are you married to him if he’s that bad?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/01/2022 15:51

I would suggest its better for him to have some after you finish yours if that's an option.

Hugasauras · 22/01/2022 15:51

God I'd love this! But then I like being around DH Grin

CoalCraft · 22/01/2022 15:52

it's a YABU from me, I'd have loved the company/help in the first six months of maternity. My DH took four weeks off when DD came home and I found that time quite easy. It was horrible to suddenly be alone after that.

3scape · 22/01/2022 15:53

Why did you marry then? How did you cope during lockdowns? (I'm guessing he is an essential worker). Six months is not very long to be in the company of your spouse and with your children

RogerDodger · 22/01/2022 15:54

I probably sound selfish but he’s not an easy, chilled person to be around. He is in your face, loud, needy and constantly needs tv/iPad on.

So what would he be taking paternity leave for if he plans to just stalking you, demanding your attention and sitting watching TV? Surely P/leave is to care for baby?

Doyoumind · 22/01/2022 15:54

Will he not be able to look after the other 3 and therefore give you more quality time with the baby than you might otherwise have? How will he be covered at work? 6 consecutive months is likely to be more viable for the business than someone coming and going.

FilthyforFirth · 22/01/2022 15:56

Jeez how have you managed to have 4 kids with him if he is annoying? I would have absolutely loved my DH to have had 6 months off. Lots of lovely bonding and loads of sharing the load, taking it in turns to go to baby classes, having a nap etc.

But I married DH as I really enjoy his company so....

Twokidsanddone · 22/01/2022 15:57

With the obvious exception of saving childcare costs by him waiting til my leave ended so that there was one SAHP for a longer period, I would have LOVED this. Dad's need a chance to bond with babies too and I would 100% use it to divvy housework, cooking, long lies etc 50/50. And we really wish we had more time to do things as a family. He had 6 weeks off this time and I was gutted when he had to go back

Justkeeppedaling · 22/01/2022 15:57

You could always get a job for the 6 months DH is at home - it would get you out of the house.

Original poster
Beeswax2022 · 22/01/2022 15:58

Yes that’s exactly what paternity leave is for which is why I feel couple of months at home, back to work then back home again when baby is a bit older is much more beneficial all round. Baby will be breastfed so for first few months will be attached to me so taking a full 6months in one go, doesn’t make the most sense IMO but obviously everyone on here so far disagrees with me Grin

OP posts:
TerribleZebra · 22/01/2022 15:58

It's his baby as well - what's in this relationship for him? The way your post reads is that you're happy to for him to give you children and then fuck off back to work.

Original poster
Beeswax2022 · 22/01/2022 15:59

@Justkeeppedaling

You could always get a job for the 6 months DH is at home - it would get you out of the house.
Yes of course…. because DH has breasts and can feed the baby
OP posts:
BitcherOfBlakiven · 22/01/2022 15:59

Taking it in chunks would be a lot better as they get sick a lot at that age and it wouldn’t impact your careers in such a huge way.

JigglyPiggly · 22/01/2022 16:01

@Beeswax2022

Yes that’s exactly what paternity leave is for which is why I feel couple of months at home, back to work then back home again when baby is a bit older is much more beneficial all round. Baby will be breastfed so for first few months will be attached to me so taking a full 6months in one go, doesn’t make the most sense IMO but obviously everyone on here so far disagrees with me Grin
So there is nothing he can help with at all, as the only things babies need is feeding Hmm

No wonder he wants that time at home if you've had your babies 'attached' to you for the first 6 months of their lives

Poor sod doesn't sound like he gets bonding time in at all

HacerSonarSusPasos · 22/01/2022 16:02

I probably sound selfish but he’s not an easy, chilled person to be around. He is in your face, loud, needy and constantly needs tv/iPad on

Yet you keep having his babies. You don't seem to like or respect him much. Is he just a sperm donor to you?

Sorry, i can't find any sympathy for you here. I dont know many women who wouldn't be delighted to have an extra set of hands full time with 4 kids in the home.

Original poster
Beeswax2022 · 22/01/2022 16:02

I WANT DH to take 6months paternity leave and spend time with baby and me. I just DO NOT want it to be 6months in one go. Why not spread it out over the year? Spend time with baby when first born and spend some time with baby when he/she is nearer 1. I feel that will be more beneficial all round.

OP posts:
SouthOfFrance · 22/01/2022 16:02

What type of job does he do? It could be tricky in some jobs to be in & out of the office as you suggest, perhaps he thinks it's less disruptive to his work just to do it all in one chunk?

If I was you I'd ask him to take from when the baby is 6-12 months old off, as I think that's a trickier time than the 1st 6 months

Stoop · 22/01/2022 16:03

Why have a baby with someone who you don’t want to parent the child?

JigglyPiggly · 22/01/2022 16:04

@Beeswax2022

I WANT DH to take 6months paternity leave and spend time with baby and me. I just DO NOT want it to be 6months in one go. Why not spread it out over the year? Spend time with baby when first born and spend some time with baby when he/she is nearer 1. I feel that will be more beneficial all round.
Did no one tell you life isn't just what you want
girlmom21 · 22/01/2022 16:04

Baby and I will need peace and quiet a lot of the time

No that's what you'd like.
Do shared parental leave. You can express if he's that bad.

FoamBurst · 22/01/2022 16:06

He is the father he needs to bind with the baby too.
He could help with the others. Housework or whatever. Or after a month or so maybe the odd feed could be expressed so he can do it. OK I know the baby may not take to a bottle but worth a shot?

I'd love my dh to be home for 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months 6 years!
Yes there's the odd thing that annoys me but I love his company and love him spending time with the dcs. I was kind of lucky when our last was born as was lockdown a couple weeks after he went back after paternity he was then furlough for 4 months.