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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to take 6months paternity leave

241 replies

Beeswax2022 · 22/01/2022 15:43

AIBU to not want DH at home with me for SIX consecutive months?
He has the option to spread it over a year so could do 2months at home, 2months at work etc which is a much better option IMO. Baby will benefit from some quality time with him when he/she is a little bit older and probably partly bottle fed by then etc.
Surely I can’t be the only person who would hate their DH to be home for a full 6months, especially after giving birth!?
Of course, I want him to have a good amount of time at the beginning to bond with our newborn but not a whole 6months in one go.
I probably sound selfish but he’s not an easy, chilled person to be around. He is in your face, loud, needy and constantly needs tv/iPad on. Baby and I will need peace and quiet a lot of the time Smile

I can handle all this for the evenings and weekends but not for that many months and for 24/7 (he doesn’t go out much)
This will be our 4th baby and he has never been in the position to take more than 2 weeks paternity for the others…. Maybe I just need to accept his choice and how he wants to take his paternity leave…

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 22/01/2022 17:52

So women don't go out and see friends whilst on maternity leave? hmmthey take the baby with them. I think the pp was assuming his hobbies, socialising etc would be child free if Mom bfs

JigglyPiggly · 22/01/2022 17:52

@HardbackWriter

When women do hobbies, see friends and run errands on maternity leave they normally take the baby. I'm not so sure that that's the plan of this man, who is planning to have two months off before the baby even arrives...
Do they now

And what about those who...gasp...don't

What about the ones who might let granny have the baby for the day and go and socialise

This is no different

Thankfully some women don't superglue their baby to their side for the first 12 months of their lives

JigglyPiggly · 22/01/2022 17:53

@SleepingStandingUp

So women don't go out and see friends whilst on maternity leave? hmmthey take the baby with them. I think the pp was assuming his hobbies, socialising etc would be child free if Mom bfs
Do they?

What all of them?

cultkid · 22/01/2022 17:53

My life is one big holiday around the couple of jobs I do I basically hang out, do my hobbies, see friends, cook, have naps, go out with the kids. I don't know why he can't have that privilege too?

My home life isn't like a job at all. Yes I have responsibilities but I also have a LOT of leisure time whether I have a new born or not I still get to hang out during the day and do what I like:

so maternity leave is a break it's not a total break but it's a rest from having to go to the office etc and it's a privilege that if he can have without impacting YOUR maternity leave, you shouldn't dictate whether or not he can have.

Does that make sense?

If you work, even more of a reason to go off for six months as a family to travel/ explore or live in a country cottage and enjoy the out doors

Jay3004 · 22/01/2022 17:57

I agree with you OP, I’m currently on mat leave and can’t think of anything worse than having my DP here all the time! I love my DP and enjoy holidays etc with him but I don’t need him here 24/7 making a mess and eating all the contents of the fridge 😂

BluebellsGreenbells · 22/01/2022 17:59

DP had two weeks booked off when twins arrived and toddler was almost two.

I sent him packing after a week!!

I hear you.

Still married 20 years later.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/01/2022 18:01

It seems the people who wouldn't want their DPs at home are oens with DPs who don't adult very

Original poster
Beeswax2022 · 22/01/2022 18:02

@cultkid

My life is one big holiday around the couple of jobs I do I basically hang out, do my hobbies, see friends, cook, have naps, go out with the kids. I don't know why he can't have that privilege too?

My home life isn't like a job at all. Yes I have responsibilities but I also have a LOT of leisure time whether I have a new born or not I still get to hang out during the day and do what I like:

so maternity leave is a break it's not a total break but it's a rest from having to go to the office etc and it's a privilege that if he can have without impacting YOUR maternity leave, you shouldn't dictate whether or not he can have.

Does that make sense?

If you work, even more of a reason to go off for six months as a family to travel/ explore or live in a country cottage and enjoy the out doors

Have many kids do you have if you think going travelling for 6months with a newborn, is a lovely idea? We will have 4 kids and we have 2 dogs… I really couldn’t think of anything worse than travelling for 6months. But thanks for the idea 🤣

My life is no holiday, happy for you that yours is though!

OP posts:
ufucoffee · 22/01/2022 18:03

I'm with you OP. Other than a week, I can't really see the point of any paternity leave and 6 months is ridiculous.

BiscuitLover3678 · 22/01/2022 18:05

He sounds like an absolute pain in the arse Confused

I would have loved my dh around for the first six months. It’s really, really hard. But maybe not if he was like that.

Any time js nice so hopefully you can compromise.

BrambleRoses · 22/01/2022 18:05

@SleepingStandingUp

It seems the people who wouldn't want their DPs at home are oens with DPs who don't adult very
Mines lovely but so needy. I nearly burned some food before because he kept wanting a cuddle and I was trying to get to the kitchen.

It’s sweet but does drive me mad!

JigglyPiggly · 22/01/2022 18:07

@ufucoffee

I'm with you OP. Other than a week, I can't really see the point of any paternity leave and 6 months is ridiculous.
You can't see the point in fathers being able to bond with their babies and help their partners?

The 1800's called

They want their attitude back

Goldbar · 22/01/2022 18:07

I'm with you OP.

He should take most of his paternity leave at a time when he can be sole carer for the baby or at least split care 50/50 with you. Since the whole purpose of paternity leave is for him to bond with and care for the baby. That's probably when the baby is around 6/8 months (especially for breastfed babies).

What's the point of paternity leave if your DH never gets to take the baby out to the park or to baby groups on his own because you have to feed them frequently?

SleepingStandingUp · 22/01/2022 18:11

@ufucoffee

I'm with you OP. Other than a week, I can't really see the point of any paternity leave and 6 months is ridiculous.
Erm, to spend time with their baby? Support their partner? Help with the kids?
HacerSonarSusPasos · 22/01/2022 18:11

@ufucoffee

I'm with you OP. Other than a week, I can't really see the point of any paternity leave and 6 months is ridiculous.
You can't see the point of having a parent take time off work to get to know the baby, bond with it and actively share the work of caring for a helpless creature around the clock?

No point at all, huh?

girlmom21 · 22/01/2022 18:13

@ufucoffee

I'm with you OP. Other than a week, I can't really see the point of any paternity leave and 6 months is ridiculous.
I'm sure you see the point in maternity leave though
Pbbananabagel · 22/01/2022 18:14

Fully agree with you OP. Two months off to just focus on new baby and then back to work, he could take the rest over school holidays so you can all have amazing family time and make some awesome memories this year for all your kids.

SeeminglyOblivious · 22/01/2022 18:15

I can't relate to this at all. If you don't enjoy spending time together what's the point in being together period?

KO81 · 22/01/2022 18:22

I don’t blame you OP. He does sound deeply irritating.

Original poster
Beeswax2022 · 22/01/2022 18:23

@SeeminglyOblivious

I can't relate to this at all. If you don't enjoy spending time together what's the point in being together period?
I do enjoy his company. He WFH a lot and that’s fine. We go on family holidays and those are great. We spend evenings together and weekends - absolutely fine.

What’s wrong with feeling that 7 days a week for a consecutive 6 months, will be too much in one go!? We have never lived like that before and been together nearly 20 years.. we aren’t joint at the hip.
I don’t get it, I don’t understand how that means I hate my DH and shouldn’t be married/have kids with him Confused

OP posts:
Stroopwaffle5000 · 22/01/2022 18:23

I would have loved this! I was exhausted and lonely during maternity leave. Having someone to share the load with would have been fantastic! OH was very hands on but also worked 40 hours a week.

Onairjunkie · 22/01/2022 18:23

He’s got more paternity leave than I took in maternity. I was desperate to get back to work and was back after four months.

BigYellowHat · 22/01/2022 18:25

Do you hate him?

KO81 · 22/01/2022 18:26

Don’t worry @Beeswax2022. I can only assume some posters are so irritated by their own partners this weekend, at the back end of a two-year pandemic, that they’re venting their own frustrations by lashing out at you. 🤷🏼‍♀️

HacerSonarSusPasos · 22/01/2022 18:27

I don’t get it, I don’t understand how that means I hate my DH and shouldn’t be married/have kids with him

Uhmm maybe this part right here?
he’s not an easy, chilled person to be around. He is in your face, loud, needy and constantly needs tv/iPad on