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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fuming at DH - would you be?!

286 replies

Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:29

So from 5-6 I’m on a course (he does not know this as usually not home till 630) and at 510 he messages me and kids do we want to go out for tea in 30 mins. Kids reply mum has asked us to put dinner in oven (all sat out on counter ready to go in oven). He replies it’s not in yet ask mum amd they say she’s on course can’t ask till after. He replies I’m coming to get you NOW be ready and he takes both kids out at 550 to restaurant. I come out of call at 615 to these messages. Call him and they are in restaurant and he says oh you’re going to be annoyed aren’t you - like I’m in the wrong?! He says oh I’ve done nothing wrong here you no reason to be annoyed. Of course I’m annoyed!! Would you not be?!! Why not wait till I was free to check re the dinner at home (ours was in oven kids too be added in later)?! Why such a rush?! Why not say okay go ahead with planned dinner and we could go out tmw or Sunday?!

OP posts:
Bancha · 21/01/2022 19:32

To be honest, I’d be delighted. I’d pour myself a big glass of wine and get in the bath Grin

Are you upset at being left out?

BronwenFrideswide · 21/01/2022 19:32

The only question I have is why does he not know you are on a course?

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:35

Yes upset at missing out but more that I’d made dinner and had it all ready to go (save putting in oven for kids) and that he couldn’t wait less than an hour to speak to me re it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:37

He doesn’t know re course as I am self employed amd work from home and he has no idea what work I’ve booked during week as he’s out at work amd doesn't know/care what hours I’m working as it’s very flexible

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:39

The whole point to me of going out is you don’t have to cook which iI’d done and you get to dress up and look forward to it which I missed. Plus o don’t think it was fair to put kids in position which would cause conflict where they had to leave what I’d asked them to do and just go with no notice.

OP posts:
asnippersdream · 21/01/2022 19:39

I wouldn't be fuming at DH no; he's not psychic, how was he supposed to know about your course. I'd be pouring myself wine and enjoying the peace!

LittleBearPad · 21/01/2022 19:39

Did the children know when you’d be done?

I think @Bancha has the right plan.

Just bung dinner in the fridge for tomorrow

LittleBearPad · 21/01/2022 19:40

Plus o don’t think it was fair to put kids in position which would cause conflict where they had to leave what I’d asked them to do and just go with no notice.

Conflict Confused

asnippersdream · 21/01/2022 19:41

@Bellsandwhistle

The whole point to me of going out is you don’t have to cook which iI’d done and you get to dress up and look forward to it which I missed. Plus o don’t think it was fair to put kids in position which would cause conflict where they had to leave what I’d asked them to do and just go with no notice.
Conflict sounds very dramatic. Is there a big backstory here where you're always arguing or something?
Jk987 · 21/01/2022 19:42

He's doing a fun with the kids on the spur of the moment and you get a bit of time to yourself. It is a pain about the wasted dinner but it's for a nice reason.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 19:43

He was a dick.

All the MN excuses for men... he was a dick.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:43

Kids knew I’d asked them to do dinner and I’d be back in an hour. He put them in a difficult position. I have poured wine not I honestly just could not see any of my friends husbands doing this so thought I’d check if I was BU. I really don’t think I am. Would you honestly not be annoyed at this?!

OP posts:
TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil · 21/01/2022 19:44

Meh, storm in a teacup. Some nights I take my dc out for dinner just because I get the itch. Dp either just gets himself a takeaway or I bring him something back from where we've been. It's not an issue

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:45

But why is it a nice reason when I was left out?! It feels mean to leave me behind! I would never do the same unless he was away somewhere. If he was here I’d always ask him.

OP posts:
Orangesandpineapples · 21/01/2022 19:46

He was BU. How much meal prep did you do? Obviously a bug lack of communication between you causing issues. Have you raised this with him?

GrapefruitPink · 21/01/2022 19:46

Honestly, tell him what your doing.
'I'm in a course, can't answer phone until x time, teas ready to be put in oven'

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/01/2022 19:46

I don't think it's just your DH's fault - he wanted to go out for dinner straight after work, not come home and wait around for you to finish (he didn't know how long you'd be) and get ready. You hadn't told him your plans so he couldn't plan in advance or agree to wait.

Your kids were only put in a difficult position because it appears that neither of you communicate properly - why was he texting them about dinner and not you in the first place? Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 19:48

He didn't tell OP his plans. To come home early.

FFS of course I'd be annoyed if DH went out to dinner with the kid when she told him I was on a course AND dinner was prepared and ready to go.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/01/2022 19:48

@Bellsandwhistle

But why is it a nice reason when I was left out?! It feels mean to leave me behind! I would never do the same unless he was away somewhere. If he was here I’d always ask him.
But you'd make it clear you weren't to be disturbed, so how could he ask you?
Sparkletastic · 21/01/2022 19:49

Spontaneous things mustn't be bullshit

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/01/2022 19:49

Yes I'd be annoyed.

For those saying 'he didn't know..' he DID know because the kids told him! He ignored that to do what he wanted to do and stuff the OP's plans or checking with her.

Epic dick.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 21/01/2022 19:49

No doubt everyone voting YABU think you should be grateful to DH for swooping in and taking the children out for dinner. Why? Running a family household involves planning, communication and organisation. Last minute stuff like this isn’t helpful and we shouldn’t be kidded into thinking anyone should be grateful.

Theunamedcat · 21/01/2022 19:50

Yes I would be annoyed he voted have waited till you were free he knew about the course after the children told him and probably most annoying of all he said the "uh oh I'm in trouble arnt I a little scamp" because anything you say now will upset the children who have been for a nice treat with dad

Order a takeaway and act pleased with what he has done

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 19:51

@WiddlinDiddlin

Yes I'd be annoyed.

For those saying 'he didn't know..' he DID know because the kids told him! He ignored that to do what he wanted to do and stuff the OP's plans or checking with her.

Epic dick.

This.

I swear some people just like to take agin the OP regardless.

glassofbubbles25 · 21/01/2022 19:52

Sounds like he was trying to be spontaneous not knowing you were on a course?
Didn’t your dc say you would be finished at x time.
All sounds a bit dramatic to me let him get on with it but perhaps tell him in future when you have something so fixed you won’t even be able to check your phone. What if they’d been an emergency